To think DP is being selfish

"Helps you out"

FGS, he's your kids father, not a friend who kindly lends a hand when you need it! Parenting should be equal. And it's literally his responsibility.

It's like when women say "DP is babysitting". Umm, it's not babysitting when it's your kid! Women don't "babysit" their own children!

I can't believe he spends that much money getting pissed every month (while leaving you to parent alone, I might add - Where's your fun and downtime?), expects you to pay for your DC's costs, plus food, plus bailing him out and insists you can't order some nice house bits.

In the nicest way possible - WTF is wrong with you?! Your being de-lulu. He is taking the piss.

As he doesn't see the point in making a home nice, counter that by saying you don't see the point in literally pissing away £400 a month on beer, but that doesn't stop HIM. And then order everything in your basket. F him. You deserve better.

A good father would pay towards both his children. What does he do for both his DC to show what a good father he is?

But you're facilitating it to the detriment of your DC and you!

Why are you doing it? Why are you carrying him?

Why have you moved to another house with him when he's useless with money and spending is so unequal?

Do what you want & buy the stuff & then tell him he will have to budget better because you aren’t an ATM. & stick to it or he will continue to use you as such. Divide the bills, make a schedule & show him then sit back & watch him pout! Enough of pandering to “ what I want I get & you will pay for it” You have a child ffs & he’s supposedly an Adult!

You KNOW he's being selfish. You don't need Mumsnet to tell you this. So now that you've articulated it, what changes are you going to make?

@kiana2015 I've read your posts. God, you've got such a low bar for what a good partner and father are.

What the hell are you doing with this giant man child that you need to bail out every month?!!

He's blowing his money on booze and gaming!

Get rid!

I have never read a less fitting description of a good dad. this is low even by MN standards.

Drinks too much
terribly irresponsible with money
keeps sponging of op
prioritises gaming

You're not being at all dramatic. You are severely underreacting and seem to have no idea how bad your relationship is. You
don't have to live like this...

Yes, otherwise it’s really you that is paying for his kids not him!

The only way to get him to live within his means is to stop bailing him out, buy the bits you want and then if he had no money it’s his problem, he sounds like an idiot

A good father shouldn't be "helping", he should be parenting.

Why do women continue to have children with wasters like these?

Raise your bar Kiana. He's a man-child waster. He's NOT a good father. He cannot provide and look after all of the children he's got. He prioritises alcohol and gaming over his children. OPEN YOUR EYES.

If you think he's a good father you need to give your head a serious wobble.

My DH does all the clothes washing, can get DD ready and out for her sports practice with zero input from me, is on all the WhatsApp groups for the updates of said sport, ensures dinner is made before she leaves to go to practice, runs the vacuum around the house, walks the dog, feeds the dog, fixes stuff around the house, empties and fills the dishwasher without being asked....

Where is your bar set for what other men would do?

Good men don't help you, good men do their share.

"than you think most men would" is not a high enough standard love. You've got your perspective slightly wrong probably through your own early life lessons. I can tell you categorically now - you need someone who contributes at least 50-50 the same as you contribute. Money, work and time.

Being a man doesn't mean you are naturally likely to contribute less. And you still lose out even if you're assuming old-school gender roles... in thay case he should be paying for YOU.

Also: if he is sending money for his child (and I doubt it) its because you are subsidizing his other spending which is entirely selfish. So you are subsidizing his child.

I hope he’s good to you in bed because otherwise you are paying him to be his bangmaid. He probably can’t believe his luck.

He doesn’t. He is in your life for money, sex, and convenience. What you think or want doesn’t come into it.

What a shame to bring a child into this—and a daughter at that—and teach her that women are nothing more that doormats for drunken, spendthrift men to wipe their feet on.

the reason he's saying no is because he knows his money will run out and need me to bail him out like most other months

More fool you then.

You need to put that money into a savings account because one day you will need it and it can nicely top up your pension.

I was about to buy and my DP insisted I wait until payday which is 2 weeks away

Do you always do what your DP 'insists'?

I couldn't tolerate someone who didn't contribute towards your kids, but is happy to spend £400 a month on beer, and he is putting his foot down about what you can spend so he can make sure it is available to borrow off you for booze.

Why do you even listen to him?

You are not being dramatic. In my opinion this man is taking advantage of you.

I think the only way he will do that is if you separate and he has to pay maintenance for your child too.