To think DP is being selfish

Listen to Katy Perry's "Roar". Maybe it will give you some insight because you certainly don't have any right now.

You have no boundaries. What the heck are you teaching your DD about relationships? That a female has to be the one to step up and be the responsible adult while a male can opt out and be a perpetual child. Your poor DD.

Absolutely this.

@kiana2015
Mate, if you want to stay with him then he needs to stop drinking every night.
£100 a week on booze is not a good thing. When I got with my DP I had no idea he drank every day. Then I found out that when he was with his ex, he would drink a litre of vodka a day (for a very long time) and if he went to the pub he'd have whatever there too. I had no idea he had become an alcoholic.
"But it's only two cans a night", he'd say to me. So I told him how he is still damaging his liver and before he drank because he was unhappy (depressed) but he was happy now; life is good now. So he cut down and then stopped the week drinking.
DP only drinks at the weekend now, 4 beers Friday, Saturday and Sunday.
Your DP has to contribute to the daily life of you and the DC you have together; food, child expenses.
The unnecessary spending has to stop.
It's no good you bailing him out all the time. That will never change.
Good luck

They do exist. I have a friend who I'm pretty sure would put up with this exact same treatment. She already puts up with BS i can't comprehend right now. She says she knows it's not right but she doesn't want to start her life all over again and who else would want her. She suffers from low self esteem. I've advised her so much over the years but eventually had to give up

I agree.

You need to stop giving more money every month and start to saving it in an account he doesn't know about. A running away fund if you like!!

Oh doll, you asked an innocent question and got a roasting 😧. Honestly yes he is being selfish but you are being a bit of a mug. You don't sound happy but at the moment you don't want to split. That's ok, but no point brewing resentment, try to roll back on the financial bailing out. Also perhaps take a look at if you are a people pleaser or have low self esteem? Do some self work then decide if he's a keeper.

That is the definition of settling - surely it’s only going to get worse?

If you want to keep bailing him out and spending nothing on the things you want while he spends an excessive amount on pints - up to £400 MONTH - then go ahead - nothing will change.

If he's out of fun money he has to either learn to budget or stay home skint? Stop bailing him out and start reqiure him to be an adult.

Definitely.

Don't you mean that he sends some of your money to his Ex?

So he also has a problem with alcohol which you are happy to
"enable" ?

Why do you even need his permission?!

But you’re not a team! How many people have to say that before you cop on?!

Send him back to his mummy.

Well, stop then. £100 a week on after work drinks pfft. Not a chance I'd be subbing him.

I hear you OP. I was about to buy new curtains for the bedroom (old ones look shabby) and DP upon hearing this said it would have been nice to have been asked (!) and then declared the fabric "wouldn't have been his first choice" despite the fact I wasn't asking him to contribute at all! I'm then left feeling like I can't go ahead 🫤

@kiana2015 there is more to life than money but life without it can be miserably hard.

I think your DP is having the best of both incomes. Fine for him to spend £400 on his gaming set up but he didn’t factor in his excessive spend and reduce his own consumption of beer because he knows you’ll bail him out.

Meaning he thinks it’s fine for you to go without nice things because his needs trump yours. You need to push back. £200 a week on beer is selfish when you are going without.

If you cannot see he is using you and acting as a kept man then you deserve him.

work out all joint spending liabilities. That money goes into a joint account with a bit more for abnormals. That pays for household food and ALL your joint DC costs.

own spending comes out of sole accounts. That includes his own DC / x payments.

do you not realise your are effectively paying for his DC by overpaying on the household? He is a user and a chancer and he should not be controlling what you spend YOUR money on. Stop baling him out- he can get an overdraft or stay within his means.

But he will drag you down.

This is spot on, he needs to help towards the food bill and you need to stop bailing him out and he needs to stick to a budget.

And what's with all the drink sounds like a right pisshead, but he's not all to blame, you chose him!

What's the situation with money, do you earn your own money? If you do then do what you want aslong as you can pay the bills at the end of the month.

If not then wait another 2 weeks.

Yes! He is!

£200 on pints a fortnight? That's like 25+ beers??

Personally I wouldn't tolerate this situation, he needs to grow up.
You have a jointly owned home and you are wanting to spend just £200 on a few nice things for your new home. To be honest I would just buy these things anyway - he can stew over bailing himself out this month.

Oh dear.....not for long....
Very soon there will be more to Money than Life.
This won't end well @kiana2015
Stop bailing him, you're enabling him, not good.