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Original poster

To think this was really spiteful

289 replies

Stopbeingsomean · 27/01/2025 22:30

I work as a TA in a primary school and something happened today that made me really sad.

I was working with a group of ten children, split between three adults. We were working on subtraction with this particular group who really struggle with maths.

I heard the other TA tell a child she had done very well. The little girl was really proud of herself and had a huge smile on her face and asked “Am I going to get a sticker Miss?” The TA looked very sternly at her and said “Katie, stickers are given out at my discretion. I decide when to give them. I was actually going to give you one, but as you have asked, unfortunately I am not going to give you one now” Honestly she looked devastated. She’s 7 years old.

AIBU to think this was really spiteful?

YABU - She should not have asked.

YANBU - She deserved a sticker

OP posts:
Cakeandcoffee93 · 28/01/2025 00:17

Also give the girl 20 stickers lol

Cakeandcoffee93 · 28/01/2025 00:16

I’d be fuming if this was my poor daughter being spoken to like this. She sounds so controlling and mean. Please confront this TA and say she sounded harsh.

pinkdelight · 28/01/2025 00:15

As in, let's try to keep some perspective and not make this extremely minor issue into something that means TA should not be a TA and child not getting a sticker will send them spiralling for life. Many unfair things will occur, coping with them is good.

Notgivenuphope · 28/01/2025 00:15

People like that should not work with young children. Poor girl. Of course she was excited about a sticker if she had done well when doing something difficult.

Bowserthedog · 28/01/2025 00:15

pinkdelight · 28/01/2025 00:12

@Mindedmy I mean... I don't know... that feels like you're doing a creative writing project. What if all kind of things! I'm just responding to the situation in the OP.

Can’t you remember at all how you felt as a small child?

Mindedmy · 28/01/2025 00:13

pinkdelight · 28/01/2025 00:12

@Mindedmy I mean... I don't know... that feels like you're doing a creative writing project. What if all kind of things! I'm just responding to the situation in the OP.

Are you the the TA?

pinkdelight · 28/01/2025 00:12

@Mindedmy I mean... I don't know... that feels like you're doing a creative writing project. What if all kind of things! I'm just responding to the situation in the OP.

Yalta · 28/01/2025 00:10

DelphiniumBlue · 27/01/2025 23:12

It’s not spiteful, it’s consistency. You can’t give rewards to every kid who asks for one, they should all know that . They get given one when an adult thinks they deserve one. Otherwise you get the bolder ones asking all the time and the shy ones not putting g themselves forward.
Thats not to say any reward system comes without problems, and you often get the situation where eg ‘ star of the week’ is not in fact given on the basis of merit, but on the basis of whose turn it is on the rota. It’s all a bit of a nonsense, and as you can see, even the giving out of stickers can cause problems.

But the adult did think she deserved one. Then decided against it because she asked if she was going to get a sticker.

Think of it this way

If this woman thinks not giving a child a sticker is some sort of way of showing how much power she has, I can bet the children will soon cotton on to the fact this woman is very sad failed individual who thinks that denying a sticker to a small child is the only way she can feel good about herself.

I would be having a word with who ever is in charge to have a talk with her about not embarrassing herself in front of the children

valentinka31 · 28/01/2025 00:08

she should not be a TA

RedRock41 · 28/01/2025 00:06

I’d of found her after and said you noticed the great job she did, that sometimes adults get it wrong too but that you would be honoured if she would take your most special of all special stickers for being so awesome.

Mindedmy · 28/01/2025 00:04

pinkdelight · 27/01/2025 23:58

I dunno, it's no bad thing for kids to learn to deal with people who are less than perfect. Sometimes you don't get a sticker. You won't fall to pieces. That's an okay lesson to learn.

What if you never get a sticker and watch all those around you get one. Even though you are working really hard and cant understand how you can improve enough to please the sticker monitor. You go home feeling sad and useless. You are grumpy, your parents have no clue why. You go to bed feeling sad and useless (or robbed and furious). You don’t want to do more math tomorrow or ever.
or
You get a sticker for Math, you really struggle with Math, never had a sticker before. This sticker proves you can do it and actually, it might be your new favourite subject? You go home and show your mum and your gran and your neighbour and maybe even your favourite teddy your treasured sticker. You peel it off and keep it on your wardrobe. You sleep well. You can’t wait to do more math tomorrow.

CarrotsAndCheese · 28/01/2025 00:03

What a bitch! Agree with other posters that it sounds like she was on a power-trip... over a 7 year old! Pathetic! I feel very sad for the poor girl, who was only excited that she'd done well and thought she'd got the TA's approval, only to have it snatched away from her. So nasty!

ETA: I wouldn't be surprised if the poor child stops putting in the effort after that.

PorridgeEater · 28/01/2025 00:03

Yes really unkind and unpleasant. In the past this sort of thing might have been considered good for a child's moral upbringing - I can imagine my mother mistakenly thinking so - but it's not a good life lesson in today's world. I hope you can find a way to redress the balance.

Mirabai · 28/01/2025 00:01

Just, thick.

Original poster
Stopbeingsomean · 27/01/2025 23:59

Nanny0gg · 27/01/2025 23:55

So? I think you have a good explanation for doing it

Is she senior? An HTLA?

Show quote history

Only qualified a month ago.

OP posts:
pinkdelight · 27/01/2025 23:58

I dunno, it's no bad thing for kids to learn to deal with people who are less than perfect. Sometimes you don't get a sticker. You won't fall to pieces. That's an okay lesson to learn.

Pollyanna87 · 27/01/2025 23:58

People who exploit children for a power trip are pathetic.

Original poster
Stopbeingsomean · 27/01/2025 23:58

DevilledEgg · 27/01/2025 23:55

Apparently you do, so start challenging her directly

Show quote history

Very, very much! I love the kids!

It won’t be happening again. Sick of the way she treats them.

OP posts:
Mnetcurious · 27/01/2025 23:56

Yes that’s really mean. If she really had to make the point about not asking, a gentle “remember we don’t ask for stickers so it’s a nice surprise when you get one” would have been sufficient.

Original poster
Stopbeingsomean · 27/01/2025 23:56

ilovesushi · 27/01/2025 23:52

Not just mean but she is also teaching that girl not to celebrate her achievements and her successes. We need to learn to blow our own trumpets. No point staying low profile and hoping others will notice us. The girl sounded like she was genuinely joyful at doing well. Not at all show offy or grabby. Hopefully the girl will see her for what she is.

She’s is such a lovely girl. So kind and polite and spends most of maths looking terrified of her witch 🧙 TA. She is a delight truly, which makes this worse.

I’m angry with myself tbh for staying quiet.

OP posts:
DevilledEgg · 27/01/2025 23:55

Stopbeingsomean · 27/01/2025 23:53

No one cares.

Show quote history

Apparently you do, so start challenging her directly

Nanny0gg · 27/01/2025 23:55

Stopbeingsomean · 27/01/2025 22:52

I actually thought about giving her one myself, but she’s not assigned to me and it would go down badly I think.

Show quote history

So? I think you have a good explanation for doing it

Is she senior? An HTLA?

B2B25 · 27/01/2025 23:55

Sounds like she's on some sort of power trip. Some people shouldn't work with children. Please give her a sticker tomorrow OP. Sod the sticker gatekeeper.

Original poster
Stopbeingsomean · 27/01/2025 23:53

Bowserthedog · 27/01/2025 23:48

Yes what does the class teacher think? Does she not notice this type of behaviour, it’s like bullying

No one cares.

OP posts:
ilovesushi · 27/01/2025 23:52

Not just mean but she is also teaching that girl not to celebrate her achievements and her successes. We need to learn to blow our own trumpets. No point staying low profile and hoping others will notice us. The girl sounded like she was genuinely joyful at doing well. Not at all show offy or grabby. Hopefully the girl will see her for what she is.

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