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Original poster

To think this was really spiteful

289 replies

Stopbeingsomean · 27/01/2025 22:30

I work as a TA in a primary school and something happened today that made me really sad.

I was working with a group of ten children, split between three adults. We were working on subtraction with this particular group who really struggle with maths.

I heard the other TA tell a child she had done very well. The little girl was really proud of herself and had a huge smile on her face and asked “Am I going to get a sticker Miss?” The TA looked very sternly at her and said “Katie, stickers are given out at my discretion. I decide when to give them. I was actually going to give you one, but as you have asked, unfortunately I am not going to give you one now” Honestly she looked devastated. She’s 7 years old.

AIBU to think this was really spiteful?

YABU - She should not have asked.

YANBU - She deserved a sticker

OP posts:
Han86 · 01/02/2025 07:25

And this is why stickers get banned.

Kids moan they didn't get one, parents moan their child didn't get one, kid loses sticker and gets upset, and seems there are even staff issues handed out stickers.

Perhaps you should go no stickers at your school like many others have done.

Sugargliderwombat · 01/02/2025 07:22

Stopbeingsomean · 01/02/2025 07:12

Stickers are given out by this particular TA for good work. The TA told her she had done very well, which normally would result in a sticker. She took that option away because the child asked “am I getting a sticker””?” @luckylavender

Show quote history

Your school sounds absolutely nuts! Why is only one TA allowed to give out stickers? Why are they even getting stickers for maths?

Original poster
Stopbeingsomean · 01/02/2025 07:12

luckylavender · 01/02/2025 06:56

She wasn't entitled!

Show quote history

Stickers are given out by this particular TA for good work. The TA told her she had done very well, which normally would result in a sticker. She took that option away because the child asked “am I getting a sticker””?” @luckylavender

OP posts:
luckylavender · 01/02/2025 06:56

Onekidnoclue · 27/01/2025 22:57

She’s punishing the girl for asking for something she’s entitled to!!! What a miserable cow.

She wasn't entitled!

luckylavender · 01/02/2025 06:55

Alalalala · 27/01/2025 22:38

That’s unpleasant. Have a chat with the head or deputy head or whoever is appropriate/available. She needs feedback that it’s not ok - spiteful little power trips undermining small kids.

Seriously? This is such an over reaction

WashYourDamnRice · 01/02/2025 06:52

What a sad little life. Drunk on the power of welding stickers.
This is one of those childhood memories that just sticks with you. Poor kid.

TheNumberfaker · 01/02/2025 06:30

YANBU

I have worked in both primary and secondary schools where even the 16 year olds were excited to get a sticker. They loved them!
The other TA was definitely in the wrong and her attitude was not conducive to promoting a positive attitude to learning, especially in Maths. It’s interactions like this that can result in turning children off from Maths altogether. Maths anxiety, especially in girls, is a massive problem nowadays.

Ugh, I worked with a TA who sounds very similar to your colleague OP. She was great as a lunchtime supervisor but had very little skill in nurturing the children and fostering a love for learning.

The other TA’s correct response should have been, “Wow, Katie, look at the effort you have put in to your subtraction work! I can see from your beaming face that you know you have done well. That’s fantastic! Of course you can have a sticker…”

Whistledown2 · 01/02/2025 05:06

I don't work in education so have no idea but can Ofsted be contacted about this? When my sister was gravely ill in hospital and I couldn't get any sense from the nursing/medical staff I actually contacted CQC left a message and they called me back.

I could not leave this OP. This little person is vulnerable, and clearly so are others in her 'care' so I would go to great lengths to ensure it is dealt with.

Good luck OP

Original poster
Stopbeingsomean · 01/02/2025 04:31

Mamabear300 · 29/01/2025 21:47

Ok, so this really upset me on so many levels it's unreal (I'll try not ramble on) to cut a couple of long stories short I still remember the first primary school I went to and my dad coming for parents evening aged 5 and being told by the reception teacher that I would 'never amount to anything' well I proved her wrong but these words along with constantly being targeted by this teacher and others did have a lasting effect on me growing up and at times still does to this day, this was in the 90's and the fave one for me for getting a question wrong was to stick a cone shaped paper hat on my head with a D on it and being made to stand facing the corner of the wall, it was soul destroying.. I wasnt naughty or outspoken infact I was quite the opposite!

My next point is I was training to be a TA myself (years ago) and I was on a college placement at a primary school, there was a child who was being assessed for various needs and she struggled with her learning, I remember walking into the storage cupboard to gather some supplies for my group activity with the kids and walked in on the poor girls class teacher taking the absolute piss out of this child to another teacher and they found it hilarious, I was mortified, I said nothing to the teacher, went and reported it to the head and never went back to that school as I didn't want to be in such a toxic environment!

Im also mum of two SEND kids who have all these small groups /interventions , my youngest daughters school is amazing and go above and beyond for her. my eldests (13) school is a total different story it feels that as shes not bringing much to the school results being boosted then she can sail down the river.

Op I really think you should be taking this higher if no one in the school is listening or cares. This as others have said could impact a childs life through to adult years.
I worked in supported living and me and a colleague had no choice but to whistle blow to outside agencies after getting no where in the company, did we get shit off the management, course we did! but we didn't care because we knew we had done right by the vulnerable people we were there to protect and I'd do the same all over again.

Shes treating these kids like absolute shit like their worth nothing and as for the one putting her feet on the kids!!! just wow!!! Did you report this too? Please don't let these women ruin these kids. You sound like you care very much about these kids so you need to take urgent action, not solely about the sticker incident its the bigger picture of attitudes and behaviours that are majorly concerning. Sorry for the long post I tired to make it as short as possible!!

@Mamabear300

Yrs you are right, poor school experiences live with us a lifetime.

I am sorry your eldest DD isn’t being supported properly. I see this daily. As I said, no one in my school is interested in SEN kids.

I did report the teacher kicking the kids backwards with her feet. SLT told me that preparing the Christmas production was a stressful situation for said teacher and added ‘I guess we all become a little frustrated at times’

OP posts:
Original poster
Stopbeingsomean · 01/02/2025 04:09

Trabbling · 31/01/2025 23:43

Bit off topic I guess, but can I just point out YOU'RE the Original Poster (i.e. the OP), so I'm wondering why you're calling other people 'OP'?

Or are you talking to yourself?!

@Trabbling

oh gosh! I see what you mean now and why that’s confusing. Thank you for pointing this out x

OP posts:
Lavenderblossoms · 01/02/2025 02:08

Wow I'd report that little upstart!

emziecy · 01/02/2025 01:29

Phthia · 31/01/2025 23:46

That's a 4 year honours degree here or 4 years and a postgrad, with a year's probation. No TA or classroom assistant can match that

Why assume that? Many TAs and classroom assistants are very well qualified. For example, a friend of mine who had a degree and postgraduate degrees became a TA when she wanted a break from her very high powered and stressful job but also wanted a job she could do termtimes only.

People can be qualified AF but it's completely different to actually teaching it. That's why teaching qualifications exist. Just being able to do something doesn't mean you can teach other people to do it.

BrynCethynBach · 01/02/2025 00:56

Sounds like somebody’s on a power trip. Obviously makes her feel powerful to cut a small child down. She definitely needs pulling up on this.

Bulldog01 · 01/02/2025 00:49

When our daughter was at Primary school, aged 5/6 approx another pupil brought some cakes into school,as it was her Birthday! The Teacher said to my daughter In front of the whole class, get your grubby fingers off! Not sure if it was because my daughter is mixed race? or spoke to other young Children the way she spoke that day to my Daughter?She is now 31 she only mentioned this to me recently :(

StupidBitchy · 01/02/2025 00:07

YANBU some adults just enjoy lording their power over children, probably because they lack confidence in themselves. It's an abuse of position when it comes down to it.

BubblinTrouble · 31/01/2025 23:55

Soooooo Mean

Kayani1980 · 31/01/2025 23:53

Wow! TAs are VERY important and unbeknown to most of the general public do interventions and small group work with children who are struggling! Along with the king list of other expectations required from us. We also cover lessons and TEACH them! So yes we are very capable of giving out stickers.

that said…this particular TA was wrong!

Phthia · 31/01/2025 23:46

That's a 4 year honours degree here or 4 years and a postgrad, with a year's probation. No TA or classroom assistant can match that

Why assume that? Many TAs and classroom assistants are very well qualified. For example, a friend of mine who had a degree and postgraduate degrees became a TA when she wanted a break from her very high powered and stressful job but also wanted a job she could do termtimes only.

Trabbling · 31/01/2025 23:43

Bit off topic I guess, but can I just point out YOU'RE the Original Poster (i.e. the OP), so I'm wondering why you're calling other people 'OP'?

Or are you talking to yourself?!

bagpuss90 · 31/01/2025 23:37

What a bitch

Emmz1510 · 31/01/2025 23:36

Urgh yes that is spiteful and this TA is on a massive power trip. How can someone be so unkind to a seven year old, or any child?

MILLYmo0se · 31/01/2025 23:34

The TA is definitely on a power trip, the child didn't ask for a sticker, it wasn't 'can I have a sticker'?, is was an appropriate in the circumstances 'am I going to get a sticker'? ie have I met whatever expection you have of me that you deem warrents a sticker - and with people like this TA that expectation tends to be a moving target depending on the mood they are in or whether they like a particular child etc, hence the question. The child sounds like she has a better understanding of people and the situation than the adult tbh

Private1980 · 31/01/2025 23:29

I'm going be honest some little girl is still going to be devastated and I hope she tells her mum and the mum goes in and has a word because yes this is mean. Like another said wtf does she think she is to do that to a 7 year old 🤬

RocketDog101 · 30/01/2025 09:47

gingerlybread · 30/01/2025 07:36

@Stopbeingsomean the lesson about apostrophes should have been dealt with by SLT. That's what I mean about the school - it sounds badly managed. There should be regular supervision of TAs by teachers and observation of teachers by management. It doesn't have to be formal but the HT should be visible in every classroom at least weekly.
You can have twenty degrees and be unable to teach, because academic work and teaching are different skills. You can be a great teacher who has dyslexia. But if you aren't self aware you will be a terrible teacher, or TA.

My child had a teacher with dyslexia (diagnosed late during study) and she was by far one of the better teachers! She was incredibly understanding of those with similar struggles and taught some great techniques; she did not sell herself as superior and accepted she made mistakes (as much as she tried to be meticulous) whilst sometimes corrected by her own students! But her mental knowledge and enthusiasm was inspiring to my child (and others) and left them with a 'can do' attitude...just a shame that the next teacher squashed it and left it being one reason why my child refused school 🙄 unfortunately when came to TA's (in an affluent area, for what it's worth) they were often the ones who chose their favourites and critised harshly 'less academic' children 🤔 the TA's in a school one of my children attended (in a deprived area, before moved area by force) which was classed as failing by LA/OFSTED were some of the most amazing supporters and unfairly 'tainted'. I think my child would have at least finished primary if was able to remain there ❤️

gingerlybread · 30/01/2025 07:36

@Stopbeingsomean the lesson about apostrophes should have been dealt with by SLT. That's what I mean about the school - it sounds badly managed. There should be regular supervision of TAs by teachers and observation of teachers by management. It doesn't have to be formal but the HT should be visible in every classroom at least weekly.
You can have twenty degrees and be unable to teach, because academic work and teaching are different skills. You can be a great teacher who has dyslexia. But if you aren't self aware you will be a terrible teacher, or TA.