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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think this was really spiteful

289 replies

Stopbeingsomean · 27/01/2025 22:30

I work as a TA in a primary school and something happened today that made me really sad.

I was working with a group of ten children, split between three adults. We were working on subtraction with this particular group who really struggle with maths.

I heard the other TA tell a child she had done very well. The little girl was really proud of herself and had a huge smile on her face and asked “Am I going to get a sticker Miss?” The TA looked very sternly at her and said “Katie, stickers are given out at my discretion. I decide when to give them. I was actually going to give you one, but as you have asked, unfortunately I am not going to give you one now” Honestly she looked devastated. She’s 7 years old.

AIBU to think this was really spiteful?

YABU - She should not have asked.

YANBU - She deserved a sticker

OP posts:
Original poster
Stopbeingsomean · 27/01/2025 23:25

Anonymous2003 · 27/01/2025 23:20

Came here to say exactly this... Why do so many TAs have a superiority complex?? Literally believe that they are God's gift and have a teaching degree

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Tbf some teachers think they are god too! I think we should all be treated with equal respect. However there is never, ever an excuse for anyone making a child feel crap. I’d seen how hard she’d worked! Yes it was only a sticker but it has made my blood boil all day.

OP posts:
MumWifeOther · 27/01/2025 23:23

Crackanut · 27/01/2025 23:20

That's absolutely ridiculous over a sticker. "Raising bloody hell"? No wonder teachers are leaving in their droves.

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People like this shouldn’t work with children.

MumWifeOther · 27/01/2025 23:22

Stopbeingsomean · 27/01/2025 22:30

I work as a TA in a primary school and something happened today that made me really sad.

I was working with a group of ten children, split between three adults. We were working on subtraction with this particular group who really struggle with maths.

I heard the other TA tell a child she had done very well. The little girl was really proud of herself and had a huge smile on her face and asked “Am I going to get a sticker Miss?” The TA looked very sternly at her and said “Katie, stickers are given out at my discretion. I decide when to give them. I was actually going to give you one, but as you have asked, unfortunately I am not going to give you one now” Honestly she looked devastated. She’s 7 years old.

AIBU to think this was really spiteful?

YABU - She should not have asked.

YANBU - She deserved a sticker

YANBU.

I probably would have interjected and given the girl a sticker. The other TA sounds like a twat on a power trip.

AxolotlEars · 27/01/2025 23:22

Power mad TA having a negative impact that may never be forgotten 😞

OCDmama · 27/01/2025 23:21

This is heartbreaking. Please give that little girl stickers.

Please please have it out with this TA. Seeing as no one else will tell her she's not on, and no one gives a shit you might as well tell her she's a power hungry arsehole who has no place in a school and who harms children.

That little girl will remember that comment and the betrayal for the rest of her life. We always remember when adults deliberately hurt us and let us down.

Crackanut · 27/01/2025 23:20

Morecoffeeforme · 27/01/2025 23:03

I wonder if you could find a way to tell the girls parents.

if this was my child I’d want to know and I would be raising bloody hell with the head

That's absolutely ridiculous over a sticker. "Raising bloody hell"? No wonder teachers are leaving in their droves.

Anonymous2003 · 27/01/2025 23:20

Moier · 27/01/2025 22:45

TA thinking she's more important than she is.. she's not the teacher or head teacher.
Very spiteful.

Came here to say exactly this... Why do so many TAs have a superiority complex?? Literally believe that they are God's gift and have a teaching degree

Original poster
Stopbeingsomean · 27/01/2025 23:19

gingerandsmall · 27/01/2025 23:15

That's a shame. Our SLT take them seriously and they've been really useful in identifying training needs and patterns of behaviour.

Do these incidents happen often enough that reporting every one separately could annoy the SLT into taking it seriously?

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This particular TA is harsh. The children are frightened of her. SLT know but aren’t concerned. Tbh they actually don’t give a shit.

OP posts:
CaptainBeanThief · 27/01/2025 23:19

Ughh, what a jobs worth, couldn't she have just said something along the lines of;
i will give you one on this occasion but, remember we don't ask for stickers, we wait to be given one.
Miserable cow

MrsPeregrine · 27/01/2025 23:18

Yes that was very mean. I would have given her a sticker myself if I saw that. I do wonder why people like this choose to work with children in the first place. Horrible.

ToWhitToWhoo · 27/01/2025 23:17

In Victorian times, children were often told 'Those who ask shan't have' but I am shocked to hear of it in the 21st century, especially in this sort of context.

Original poster
Stopbeingsomean · 27/01/2025 23:17

DelphiniumBlue · 27/01/2025 23:12

It’s not spiteful, it’s consistency. You can’t give rewards to every kid who asks for one, they should all know that . They get given one when an adult thinks they deserve one. Otherwise you get the bolder ones asking all the time and the shy ones not putting g themselves forward.
Thats not to say any reward system comes without problems, and you often get the situation where eg ‘ star of the week’ is not in fact given on the basis of merit, but on the basis of whose turn it is on the rota. It’s all a bit of a nonsense, and as you can see, even the giving out of stickers can cause problems.

The adult said she’d deserved one. She only withdrew it because the child asked if she was allowed one.

OP posts:
Costcolover · 27/01/2025 23:16

DelphiniumBlue · 27/01/2025 23:12

It’s not spiteful, it’s consistency. You can’t give rewards to every kid who asks for one, they should all know that . They get given one when an adult thinks they deserve one. Otherwise you get the bolder ones asking all the time and the shy ones not putting g themselves forward.
Thats not to say any reward system comes without problems, and you often get the situation where eg ‘ star of the week’ is not in fact given on the basis of merit, but on the basis of whose turn it is on the rota. It’s all a bit of a nonsense, and as you can see, even the giving out of stickers can cause problems.

I think we’ve found Cruella De Vil the TA!

gingerandsmall · 27/01/2025 23:15

Stopbeingsomean · 27/01/2025 23:06

I can promise you it is pointless. No one cares.

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That's a shame. Our SLT take them seriously and they've been really useful in identifying training needs and patterns of behaviour.

Do these incidents happen often enough that reporting every one separately could annoy the SLT into taking it seriously?

BruceyBaby · 27/01/2025 23:14

Spiteful, yes! Something pretty similar happened to me around 50 years ago (wow - can't believe it was that long) but I've never forgotten it. I can picture my young 5 year old self right now and the room I was in and that feeling I experienced. I was crestfallen and devastated.

That was unnecessarily mean behaviour by your colleague.

Paperthin · 27/01/2025 23:13

Vaxtable · 27/01/2025 22:54

That’s nasty. I still remember 50 odd years ago when I got 10 out of 10 for a test, I was so pleased. I made the mistake of tracing pencil over the 10, no idea why I was 7.

The teacher saw and immediately crossed it out and gave me a zero. I hated that teacher and her lessons from then on and just stopped working in her lessons.

That sort of thing really discouraged kids, and as you say is spiteful

I too remember a teacher being spiteful to me when I was about 7 - I’m in my 50s and I still remember. Really hit my confidence and self esteem.

SparklingSpa · 27/01/2025 23:13

Sounds like the woman is some sort of sticker power trip.

Original poster
Stopbeingsomean · 27/01/2025 23:13

Doloresparton · 27/01/2025 23:08

I'd give the child a sticker tomorrow.
If the TA says anything tell her to complain to the useless head who doesn’t care anyway.

Love this! I’m actually going to go to her class first thing and give her two!!

OP posts:
DelphiniumBlue · 27/01/2025 23:12

It’s not spiteful, it’s consistency. You can’t give rewards to every kid who asks for one, they should all know that . They get given one when an adult thinks they deserve one. Otherwise you get the bolder ones asking all the time and the shy ones not putting g themselves forward.
Thats not to say any reward system comes without problems, and you often get the situation where eg ‘ star of the week’ is not in fact given on the basis of merit, but on the basis of whose turn it is on the rota. It’s all a bit of a nonsense, and as you can see, even the giving out of stickers can cause problems.

Original poster
Stopbeingsomean · 27/01/2025 23:11

JSMill · 27/01/2025 23:06

I don't like stickers etc but the TA works in that environment so she needs to suck it up. Her response was really not on.

I agree as tbh I often lose them and then can’t give them out so tend not to give them, but I big them up massively. Even if they only get one question right or even none. If they are listening and trying I really heap praise on them, tell them I’m proud of them, write nice comments in their books.

OP posts:
Doloresparton · 27/01/2025 23:08

I'd give the child a sticker tomorrow.
If the TA says anything tell her to complain to the useless head who doesn’t care anyway.

Cornishclio · 27/01/2025 23:06

Yes that is spiteful and unnecessary. It is just a sticker FGS.

PleaseStopEatingMyStuff · 27/01/2025 23:06

Well she sounds like a right knob.

JSMill · 27/01/2025 23:06

I don't like stickers etc but the TA works in that environment so she needs to suck it up. Her response was really not on.

CeceliaImrie · 27/01/2025 23:06

YANBU. Poor little thing, she'll remember it at that age as well.

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