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AIBU?

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Original poster

Am I unreasonable to ask people not to call to visit when they are sick?

39 replies

Chatterbox25 · 27/01/2025 19:08

My 9 month old doesn’t sleep through the night. He did 3 nights of consecutive sleeping through the night but is now down with the latest cold he has caught from a visitor who comes regularly even when they are unwell. Last night he was back to not sleeping again as he was up coughing. We have asked that these people don’t call when they are sick as we have 2 children just 2 and 9 months. It’s very busy and hard enough to manage daily life on 9 months of broken sleep but when the kids are sick it’s so much harder as sleep is even more broken and generally both are up in the night rather than just the baby. It’s like talking to the wall. They keep calling when sick? We don’t know what to do? We are questioning if they keep calling when sick because we are being unreasonable by asking them to stay away? Is it normal to avoid visiting babies and small children when you are sick? We always avoid visiting houses with small children and babies when we are sick or the kids are sick and always warn anyone we are sick.

AIBU to ask expect them not to call especially since we have explained why (sleep etc.)

OP posts:
Original poster
Chatterbox25 · 27/01/2025 21:37

@100PercentFaithful baby is exposed to loads of germs- we got to the playground, shops, restaurants , groups, have play dates, he crawls around on ground, mixes with his sibling who attends a childminder and a nursery. He is also breastfed so has lots of my antibodies too. A cold isn’t the issue. A cough that keeps him up at night is an issue.

OP posts:
MyProudHare · 27/01/2025 21:22

In laws, you say?

Get your husband to deal with them, they're his family.

Agree the boundaries together beforehand. I would say hell no to any random dropping in. In fact, hell no to any visits if they are willing to make their gc sick, knowingly.

100PercentFaithful · 27/01/2025 21:21

I think if it’s just a cold it’s fine. It’s important babies are exposed to germs, it strengthens their immune systems and will mean they develop antibodies (and hopefully get less illnesses when they get older/start school/start nursery).

CrowleyKitten · 27/01/2025 21:18

you are absolutely NOT being unreasonable. especially with a little one in the house

Original poster
Chatterbox25 · 27/01/2025 20:00

@dothehokeycokey thus could be me… can 100% see they comment coming at me if I was found in that position.

OP posts:
Schmusimausi73 · 27/01/2025 20:00

I think calling instead of visiting in person is preferable, this way nobody else gets sick.

dothehokeycokey · 27/01/2025 19:45

No no no
Op

Put
Your foot down now regarding boundaries and turning up in announced.

I had it for years with in laws turning up all the fucking time whenever they bloody felt like it.

Caused many fall outs over the years.

In the end I lost my shit and told them to stop
Just turning up all the time and not to use their spare key to let themselves in without ringing first.

We have a downstairs bathroom and i remember coming out in a towel
One morning and they were stood in my bloody kitchen and had the nerve to say it was late to be in the shower.

MrsJ92 · 27/01/2025 19:42

I didn't let my own sister come over when she was sick when I just had a baby until she recovered. Some people think they are recovering so well so they still come over. Hold the boundary and speak to them that it's a rule beforehand. If they still do show up take the kids upstairs and let your husband politely send them away.

ScaryM0nster · 27/01/2025 19:41

Depends a bit what you mean by sick.

If it’s the same level of low grade lurgy that half of the supermarket have then I wouldn’t really class it as sick. More under the weather and assuming you go to groups or nursery then would see it as no more of a health hazard than the rest of life.

If it’s properly sick, impacting day to day life then stay away.

I don’t not visit friends with small children when one of us has a small
ampunt of snot, and don’t bat an eyelid when they come to me. If took that approach then would never go out or see anyone.

If you’re more germ advise than that then may find you’re coming from totally different angles.

Original poster
Chatterbox25 · 27/01/2025 19:39

I do not invite them. They live very close by and call unannounced all the time. Had to set a boundary for the evenings of waiting until our dinner is finished and going home before bed which is just about obeyed.

OP posts:
BoxOfCats · 27/01/2025 19:36

Do not invite hem to your home. Meet them out somewhere, a park, cafe, wherever. If it becomes clear they are sick, turn around and leave immediately!

AmusedBouched · 27/01/2025 19:31

It’s not you. Some people are just selfish.

Original poster
Chatterbox25 · 27/01/2025 19:29

Yes- in-laws. We had words before when they called to the door with Covid. Baby was almost 6 months then. Explained the situation and how we would rather they didn’t call with any illness. Falls on deaf ears unfortunately. Thats why we are starting to question if it’s us that’s being unreasonable.

OP posts:
ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 27/01/2025 19:26

Personally I think it’s rude to visit anyone when you’re sick without checking first that they’re okay with it. Worse when you have young children or people who are medically vulnerable in the house, but I’d be pissed off if someone brought there germs into my house. And I’ve had people say they’d rather I not come when I’ve been ill. I’d be having stern words in your position. I’m guessing this is a relative?