Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to give to charities at the checkout or on the street.

184 replies

WeCanOnlyDoOurBest · 27/01/2025 18:51

At a shop today I was asked by the store assistant at the point of paying with my card if I wanted to donate to charity. This has happened numerous times in other shops/stores as it flags up on the card machine, and I have the option to tap yes or no. However on this occasion it was pointed out to me, she was looking right at me waiting for an answer and watching if I tapped yes or no. It didn’t say which charity it was on the card machine and I declined. She gave a slight shake of her head and I left feeling really uncomfortable.
I also hate it when I get stopped in the street, I find some of them use a very pushy ‘salesman’ technique and try to make me feel like the worst person when I refuse to handover my bank details for a regular monthly donation. The last one asked me, ‘don’t you even care?’
I do give to certain charities, and I’m happy to donate food into the donation box in Sainsbury’s, Tesco etc, I’ve also raised money for cancer research by way of being sponsored on a walk.
What concerns me about giving to charities is how much of our funding and donations go into helping that particular cause? And how much is the big chief being paid out of our donations? For example Simon Cooke, the chief executive of Marie Stopes International earns an annual salary of £430,000.
I see begging adverts on TV… help the donkeys, help the cats, the polar bears, the tigers etc etc. We’re asked to donate to war torn countries, and I see the poor little babies and children half starved in terrible conditions and the mother holding the child is looking far from underfed!
AIBU to only want to give to certain charities? I feel in my heart I would rather help the people and good causes in my own country, because frankly times are hard for a lot of families given the rising cost of living, even for those who are working really hard.
I guess it comes down to me thinking ‘Charity begins at home’, and asking myself the question ‘does the funding go into the right pot that helps the cause?’

OP posts:
NoctuaAthene · 27/01/2025 20:26

Applesandpears23 · 27/01/2025 19:15

You might like to look into the effective altruism movement. It is basically lots of people who try to measure the impact of charities and asses which ones make the most difference for each £ donated. Reading about this has made me feel more secure in the choices of charity I have made and if anyone questions me I am happy to explain who I support and why.

This basically. I do personally suspect that people that bang on about CEO salaries and money wasted on fundraising and so on as a reason not to donate to charity haven't really bothered to do even a cursory Google. If they did they'd easily discover there are several charities out there that really do exceptional work literally saving lives for very, very little money. Mosquito nets, vitamin supplements and worming treatments for instance cost pennies in the third world and are life saving or life transforming. So I really don't buy the idea that charity giving is pointless or a waste. If you really have no money to spare or you have a logical argument against charitable giving for other reasons then fine but don't pedal lazy myths or stereotypes.

But choosing carefully which charities you give to and doing so in a planned and regular way rather than to random charities at the till, absolutely fair enough although I generally regard the till question as the equivalent of the 'change pot' you used to get in the days of small change, you're usually only asked if you want to round up your payment or perhaps add a very small donation of £1 or something, I have absolutely no problem saying no or absent mindedly yes, can't say I've ever noticed even the smallest judgment from the cashier either way. They have better things to be thinking about I'm sure! Chuggers on the other hand are a known scourge, they act like aggressive salespeople because that's exactly what they are, people employed to hard sell, they aren't volunteers and they don't have much personal connection to the charity, just out to make some commission/a living. They won't even accept a cash or one off donation if you offer, direct debit only. Most reputable charities stopped using them 10 years or more ago. Again I literally just walk past without breaking stride, don't engage them in conversation at all. If someone judges me, who cares, I'm very comfortable with my level of charitable giving and feel no need whatsoever to justify myself to strangers.

Maybe I have really thick skin but making a whole MN thread about this and then responding aggressively to challenge smacks slightly of insecurity, are you as happy as you say with your current charity set up?

Stepfordian · 27/01/2025 20:24

I don’t give money to any charities, or food banks or sponsored walks and I don’t feel bad, it’s my money to spend as I choose. I don’t care if some shop worker or chugger disapproves either.

ERthree · 27/01/2025 20:24

Needmorelego · 27/01/2025 20:17

@DalzielOrNoDalzielAndDontPascoe the person on the till doesn't have time to stand and explain what the charity is. They can tell you charity name or a basic bit of information if it's a smaller fundraiser ("we are helping to fund the new playground in the local park") but they really can't go into a long explanation.
It seriously is just the modern equivalent of a box at the till that people used to put their pennies in. It's not a new concept.
@sequin2000 they do "do more than the average shopper" - that was my point.

Not the same as a box at the till at all. The person behind the till didn't pick up the box, shake it at you and ask for money. It was private decision to donate, that privacy has now been taken away.

Original poster
WeCanOnlyDoOurBest · 27/01/2025 20:23

Cattreesea · 27/01/2025 19:28

I absolutely hate this.

If the store wants to support a charity they are welcome to donate some of their profits to them...

Very good point!

OP posts:
Needmorelego · 27/01/2025 20:17

@DalzielOrNoDalzielAndDontPascoe the person on the till doesn't have time to stand and explain what the charity is. They can tell you charity name or a basic bit of information if it's a smaller fundraiser ("we are helping to fund the new playground in the local park") but they really can't go into a long explanation.
It seriously is just the modern equivalent of a box at the till that people used to put their pennies in. It's not a new concept.
@sequin2000 they do "do more than the average shopper" - that was my point.

Original poster
WeCanOnlyDoOurBest · 27/01/2025 20:17

DalzielOrNoDalzielAndDontPascoe · 27/01/2025 19:46

But they're still hoping to cash in by default, inertia or confusion rather than honestly asking for free donations from those who want to give.

There's nothing at all stopping them from putting up a sign giving the name of the nominated charity and inviting donations - rather than just relying on staff remembering to press 'No' every time and/or customers pressing the wrong buttons or feeling mean not doing so.

They're in the middle of an authorised transaction they're happy to make, so if they see a green button and a red button and are being asked to press one of them, many people would interpret that as green to confirm all OK or red only if there's a problem - especially if they have poor eyesight or don't speak English as a first language.

Also, you may not care if they give or not, but (as in the OP), a lot of cashiers and assistants will seemingly take it personally and judge if customers don't donate.

Show quote history

Thank you for this

OP posts:
DalzielOrNoDalzielAndDontPascoe · 27/01/2025 20:17

BoredZelda · 27/01/2025 20:12

What a thing to get worked up about.

Who cares what other people think about you. Give or don't give, and go about your day.

Many charities (particularly small, local ones) are struggling the same way as everyone else. They took a massive hit during Covid and are struggling to raise money. They don't have the same amount of marketing clout behind them as the likes of MacMillan or BHF so it's harder for them to reach people.

If people want to volunteer to sit in a freezing supermarket vestibule to raise money for something they care about, good on them. Nobody is judging you for not throwing some money in their bucket.

I think it's great charities have found a way to raise money in a digital world. Nobody is forced to give. Having the "round up" option is a brilliant idea. I do it (unless it's for one of the big charities). What's 30p to me? But it adds up for them. I used to do it with my loose change, stick it in a charity box, or into a jar at home to donate.

Not sure why someone giving a slight nod of the head would bother you. If you are happy with your decision, just smile and move on. If you are so incensed about it, raise it with her or her supervisor.

But ime, it's rarely the little local charities that are involved in this - it usually tends to be the bigger national charities who have the stalls or are chosen by the supermarkets/establishments as their 'giving partner'.

Anonymous2003 · 27/01/2025 20:16

The cashiers at my local Poundland tell me just to hit the red button whenever I pay with card 🤣

ERthree · 27/01/2025 20:15

Just say no. I was asked the other day to top up what i was paying by 50p, my reply was i have just bought something from your shop that you got for free so no i wont be adding more.

Rosesgrowonyou · 27/01/2025 20:14

You really think the mothers in those tragic circumstances are deliberately staving their babies? Sorry, is that what you mean because I can't quite get my head round your thinking.

Balloonhearts · 27/01/2025 20:13

I enjoy the ones who try to guilt you. I like to play with them and see how quickly I can make them leave the conversation.

'Don't you care about kids in wheelchairs?'
Nope, not at all. You know who does? Our lord and saviour Jesus Christ. Let me tell you a bit about him...

'Don't you like animals?'
Shhh! Not so loud. You know it's illegal don't you?

BoredZelda · 27/01/2025 20:12

What a thing to get worked up about.

Who cares what other people think about you. Give or don't give, and go about your day.

Many charities (particularly small, local ones) are struggling the same way as everyone else. They took a massive hit during Covid and are struggling to raise money. They don't have the same amount of marketing clout behind them as the likes of MacMillan or BHF so it's harder for them to reach people.

If people want to volunteer to sit in a freezing supermarket vestibule to raise money for something they care about, good on them. Nobody is judging you for not throwing some money in their bucket.

I think it's great charities have found a way to raise money in a digital world. Nobody is forced to give. Having the "round up" option is a brilliant idea. I do it (unless it's for one of the big charities). What's 30p to me? But it adds up for them. I used to do it with my loose change, stick it in a charity box, or into a jar at home to donate.

Not sure why someone giving a slight nod of the head would bother you. If you are happy with your decision, just smile and move on. If you are so incensed about it, raise it with her or her supervisor.

DalzielOrNoDalzielAndDontPascoe · 27/01/2025 20:12

What else would you do? Have a charity and sit back and wait for people to find you and give to you?

Not at all: there's no problem with them raising awareness and giving you a bucket/card terminal/easy method to give. It's just wrong imho to intrude in somebody's transaction or to approach them in an enclosed space and force people to say No.

Original poster
WeCanOnlyDoOurBest · 27/01/2025 20:08

TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 27/01/2025 19:56

If approached in the street, I usually say something like,

"Oh no thanks, I'm saving to buy a penguin for the South Atlantic. They're running out of icebergs, you know. A penguin only costs £4 a month. I don't know why everyone doesn't do it. You can give it a name and everything. I'm going to call mine Feathers McGraw - unless that name has already been taken."

And then I move swiftly on...

Brilliant ! 😁

OP posts:
DalzielOrNoDalzielAndDontPascoe · 27/01/2025 20:06

Needmorelego · 27/01/2025 19:54

@DalzielOrNoDalzielAndDontPascoe I didn't mean Google it then and there while you're at the till paying 😂
Just if you are curious and want to know more just look it up later.
If you don't want to - you don't have to.
Oh and the staff really won't care if you say "no".

Ah OK, fair enough. I still think it might be common decency for them to tell you themselves, if they're hoping to engage you - and if they aren't, why even bother?

Original poster
WeCanOnlyDoOurBest · 27/01/2025 20:06

Theunamedcat · 27/01/2025 19:18

I can believe it I was once shouted at "don't you care about disabled children" when I refused to stop and set up a direct debit I was with THREE disabled children at the time the one shouted back no we don't and proceeds to run and flap away from the shouty person my friend her mother was chasing her down her sister was spinning in circles saying oh no a lot and my son was clucking like a chicken

Not anyone's finest moment

That sounds so funny, great kids 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻🥰

OP posts:
Haroldwilson · 27/01/2025 20:05

hazelnutvanillalatte · 27/01/2025 19:56

No. Corporations do this so they can use customers' donations as a tax write off.

You can deduct charitable donations made by the corporation. I don't think you can deduct tax for donations made by the public in your premises.

Most big supermarkets and corporates will have a fund charities can apply to, with funding from the company. Ad hoc fundraising is them donating space and time to give charities the opportunity. Eg if you feature a charity in a supermarket magazine, millions of people will see it.

HereBeWormholes · 27/01/2025 20:05

hazelnutvanillalatte · 27/01/2025 19:56

No. Corporations do this so they can use customers' donations as a tax write off.

Yep. Plus they get the kudos and publicity of saying 'We donated to XYZ charity this year!' when it was the customers who actually donated.

I have a low income, but have budgeted for several causes close to my heart that I support with Direct Debits. Plus I don't want to be bounced into supporting charities that I may have idealogical objections to, and you don't have time to check that on the spot.

Starlightstarbright4 · 27/01/2025 20:05

I was also targeted by a hospice coming out from a blood test at hospital .

That annoyed me probably because i am quite unwelll and they had no idea my reason for visit at hospital

sequin2000 · 27/01/2025 20:04

Needmorelego · 27/01/2025 19:44

@Haroldwilson many retailers do give support in other ways.
Sometimes they sponsor a local football team. Food shops donate to food banks/community fridges. Clothes shops sometimes donate unsold clothes.
Remember those vouchers we used to get from the supermarket for sports/art/books for primary schools. That's the retailers funding that.

Maybe so but Tesco made a profit of 2.9 billion last year so they could definitely do more than the average shopper

PassingStranger · 27/01/2025 20:04

It's just part of life....
They need to do this to get money.
If they don't put themselves out there they won't get.

MayaPinion · 27/01/2025 20:03

A bright and breezy, ‘No, thank you’, should suffice.

DalzielOrNoDalzielAndDontPascoe · 27/01/2025 20:03

Needmorelego · 27/01/2025 19:49

@DalzielOrNoDalzielAndDontPascoe all the shops I go that support a charity has a sign with the name and charity number on the counter next to the tills.

That's good to hear - I wish they all would, though.

Haroldwilson · 27/01/2025 20:01

Charities need to attract attention, gain recognition, raise funds, try to retain those donors and see if they can give regularly. It's the way charities have always worked.

What else would you do? Have a charity and sit back and wait for people to find you and give to you?

If you don't have money, don't give. If you don't want to give, then don't. Lots of people find it puts a spring in their step. And you seem to be talking about volunteers having a stall with a fundraising bucket, stick 20p in if you can afford it, walk past or smile and say 'no thanks' or 'not today's if you cant.

I don't see why it needs to be agonised over.

DalzielOrNoDalzielAndDontPascoe · 27/01/2025 20:01

Haroldwilson · 27/01/2025 19:48

@DalzielOrNoDalzielAndDontPascoe a lot of cashiers and assistants will seemingly take it personally and judge if customers don't donate.

Really? Spotty youths on a minimum wage take personal offence, do they?

Not all cashiers are 'spotty youths', as you put it. Plenty of them are older people and ones who do take a personal interest in actively soliciting the donations - whether it's a cause that they support themselves, they get brownie points for raising the money (if it's monitored by each individual till) or they just see it as 'the decent thing to do'.

You're right that many others won't care.