Sex or lack of after birth

I had a baby twelve weeks ago. I was lucky and had a very straight forward delivery with minor grazing. We also have other children. DH and I have dtd once since our baby arrived. We are both exhausted, there are usually kids around and the times we have free we are catching up on sleep or housework or anything else that needs doing. We have a larger than average family size too so it’s busy here too.
To make my point, not once has DH complained about having sex. He hasn’t pressured me. He hasn’t even mentioned it unless I bring it up. I would like to dtd but we both understand that it just isn’t a priority right now and that aspect of our relationship will rekindle later. There are other ways to be intimate.
Your husband is being abusive by pressuring you and it’s no wonder you don’t want to have sex with him regardless of the other physical health issues you’re having on top of it. I’m sorry you’re going through this OP.

If my husband had asked for sex every night when I was 3 months post partum, he'd be carrying his knackers round in a zip lock bag by now. Your husband is being awful, selfish and an absolute git. Take sex fully off the table until you're actually ready for it. If he tries to force the issue, this man is not for you - and, quite frankly, showing that he's sexual predator. You do not owe him sex. He owes you kindness, love and understanding.

Big hugs op - you must be exhausted and v upset xx

If it was 3 years him being annoyed would be more understandable but 3 months???

It’s so sad that you fear him cheating if you dont give him sex

even more scary is him asking everynight !

You're not likely to relax* anytime soon, given you're being coerced into sex.

Even if I was fully functional, that amount of duress would be a real issue and it's pretty much amounting blackmail. I'd be telling to fuck off elsewhere sharpish.

*immaterial of damage and healing

4 kids and he's expecting you to his bang maid. Ew.

I would be tempted to let go, leak on him and then go 'well, I told you so', but I appreciate that not everyone is as mardy as me :)

Have you explained how his pestering is making you feel? And told him it’s actually putting you off more?

He sounds a bit dense if he’s not realising you need time to recover without being pressurised.

Tell him to fuck right off OP! What an arsehole he is. Tell him that you will tell him when you're ready for sex again, and if he mentions it even once before you say you're ready, the wait will get longer and longer. I can't believe how selfish he's being, and can definitely see why you don't want to have sex with him.

Tell him to go and have the snip, and then see if he still wants sex every day, he'll be moaning and groaning and telling you how you don't understand, the pain he's in. Then you can remind him of what he's put you through.

Might not be a bad idea for him to have his vasectomy now, I'm assuming 4 children is family completed?

Urghhh, no one likes a sex pest. We didn't have sex for months after we had our ds, fortunately DH was understanding and wouldn't have dreamt of pressuring me, he didn't feel like it either , we were both shattered!

Very few men are having sex so soon after birth and with other small children too,he should feel lucky he's getting anything!!

He needs to get help. He’s having sex twice a week with his wife who has just given birth and he wants more?! He needs to get a grip- literally! Why are you with this pig.

How soon after were you pressured in to sex - twice a week is more than lots of people who have not just had a baby.
How soon after the previous were you coerced?
He sounds vile. Does he have any redeeming features - is he helping?

Yuck. Get him a vasectomy right away and see how jiggy he is ten minutes after.

Something sexual three times a week is a lot when you have a 3mo and 3 other small children. He can fuck right off. You have sex when you want it, it's not something you owe him.

I'm sorry @winniethepop but you are not in a good, safe or loving relationship. Please let that sink in.

No one is owed sex. You have 4 dc one who is a newborn. He can stop.

I'd take sex off the table completely for the next few months until you are ready. This is not his decision to make. If he hounds you then he is clearly capable and engaging in sexual assault through coercion.

You are having sex two times a week and he's pressuring for more? Very few people in your situation are having sex that frequently in this season of life. There's nothing wrong with that IF you both want it and it is good for both parties both physically and emotionally.

Birth, ill-health, stress are all reasons people's desire for sex changes as is having a partner who is behaving abominably and is coercive and toxic. Why would anyone want to have sex in this scenario.

You do not have a libido problem, you have a husband problem.

Do you have someone safe you can talk to in real life? A trusted health visitor, GP, counsellor or friend? I would worry this is part of a bigger problem and you deserve to be safe and not be pressured/controlled/emotionally abused or forced through guilt. Your post is deeply concerning @winniethepop

First and main point, your husband/partner needs to back the fuck off. You don't have to explain yourself...

Secondly, and I frequently wonder this... How? How are people with multiple children getting straight back to sex? Like how? Whilst the baby is in the room? (Recommended to be in the same room constantly until 6 months old) Or are we just ignoring kids, giving them iPads? Or are they just amazing sleepers and you have nothing else to do with the time? I mean honestly my mind boggles.

Why in the name of god have you reproduced 4 times with this slimy fucking creep? Tell him to look elsewhere, he sounds like a real catch. So many women would be gagging for his charms. In the meantime, do yourself and your kids a favour and bin him off.

Yes, and makes me gag, too.

Fucking hell. The stuff I read about men on MN really depresses me.

He's an arsehole.

"We have been back to normal pretty quickly".
🤢
Sorry.
I have no kids and happily stopped having sex at 41, come what may, I get it's different, but he's just gross.

I just don't want to but I know he has needs too and I don't want him to look elsewhere.

If your DH goes elsewhere because sex is few and far between 3 months after a brutal childbirth he’s a complete arsehole.
Seriosuly what sort of man who has already seen you birth 3 previous children keeps pushing “when? When? When?”