Sex or lack of after birth

Yuk! He's a sex pest!

Your H needs to understand that women don't just pop back to normal after birthing a child, and even less so after multiple children or after births requiring intervention and stitches. He needs to be educated.

With four kids in the house, one a relative newborn, I don't know how you have the time or energy to think about sex at all. I find this thread very upsetting, that a woman can be treated this badly and her only thoughts are fear or him going elsewhere if she doesn't "meet his needs".

He can help it, and he does not have “needs”, he has wants that he apparently thinks trump your wellbeing. He’s out of order.

I’ve had two challenging pregnancies and some health issues at other times that have caused prolonged dry spells in my marriage. I think when my second was born it was probably getting to nearly a year without. It was pretty miserable to be honest, and if DH had been pestering me for sex I’d have been devastated. As it was he was very sympathetic. He recognised that he was only going without sex, whereas I was going without sex and dealing with medical problems.

You worrying that he’ll go elsewhere if you don’t provide him with sex is concerning. He should be bending over backwards to reassure you that that’s not an issue.

He needs to understand how lucky he is to be getting any at all at this point. I would be shut for business until further notice.

Explain about your libido taking a nosedive with all the pressure and tell him to wait for you to initiate for a while. If he wants anything else, he can have a wank.

Your partner is a prick.
He has a hand doesn’t he? What an inconsiderate arsehole

I’m sorry, you have 4 kids including a 3 month old, you’re doing things a couple of times a week and that’s not enough for him? He’s an absolute pig. Perhaps you would feel more up to it if he was doing more around the house and making you feel loved instead of pestering you for sex. Does he not have hands?

I have a 10 month old and we have had sex a handful of times since he was born. We’re knackered, I had a traumatic birth followed by a baby attached to me. DH asks if it’s ok to give me a cuddle in bed in case I feel a bit touched out.

OMG he can fuck off!! Just reading your post makes me so angry.

We also have 4 children and it took really more like 2 years before we were anywhere near back to 'normal' after our last baby.
I honestly do not know how you find the time or energy to do anything sexual at this early stage.......absolutely great if you want to, but actually pretty nasty if you don't.

My best friend and her husband didn't have sex once for A FULL YEAR after their third child was born. And almost as long again after their 4th.... so maybe show him this thread. I just hate how selfish he's being you deserve MUCH more consideration.

Something I say when we have conversations about sex is, "yes, of course you have needs, but where are my needs in all this?" He can sort himself out any time he likes.

He can have a wank if he ‘has needs’, what a total shithead he sounds. I think I’ve had sex twice since my baby was born and she’s almost 10 months old. Pressuring you into sex is abuse. I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this on top of healing x

OP please talk to someone about this. Your h (not dh) is being a pest and using coercion, this is not acceptable.

Does he mean that he can't help pestering you for sex, even though he knows why you don't want it? Of course he can help it.

His 'needs' don't trump yours. You are not fully recovered from the birth and he is aware of that, but still pesters you for sex. He is being really horrible to you. If he understood that sex isn't possible at the moment and waited until you had fully recovered, I'm sure you would feel much more comfortable about having sex when the time is right for you. What he is doing now could put you off for life and ruin your marriage and it would be all his fault.

I think the previous poster was asking if you had anyone to talk about re your husband pressuring you into sex, not about the incontinence. Your husband is much more of an issue than anything to do with your pelvic floor. I am sorry.

feeling quite dirty after because deep down I just don't want to

This is heartbreaking, op. Please don't put yourself through this any more. If he's going to cheat on you, let him. The price you're paying is not worth it.

I'm 9 months pp now I had a difficult birth and lots of stitches and was left with prolapses and stress incontinence that I'm seeing a physio for I think it was after 3 months we even tried to have sex again and since then maybe once a month if that. Honestly my husband isn't a saint but surely basic respect for what you're body is going through and recovering from should just be the norm?

Men can be such pigs

What a cunt. No regard for your health or mental well-being whatsoever. I'm so sorry. You're better off without.

Oh he can.

How can you stand to be living with someone like this.

He is a adult with capacity. He understands.

He just doesn't care. He wants to use your body for his orgasm. That's more important to him than you healing fully from a difficult delivery.

I think you need to talk to your practitioner about being coerced for sex every night that you are not comfortable with and don't want.

Unfortunately, coercive men rarely make more than a temporary change.

This isn't love.

Tell him to have a wank

Give him a sock and tell him to sort himself out. If that doesn't work then leak and piss all over him. Prick.

He can definitely help it. I'd bet if he did more childcare and housework he'd be less randy. Then there's our old friend Mr Hand.

He does it because he thinks he has the right to it and more say over what happens to your body than you do.

Mines lucky if he gets it once a month but he never belittles me over it, I also have 4 kids and had a c-section 6 months ago and I haven't felt like it or been in the mood, your husband sounds selfish to be honest

This is crazy and just makes me sad for you. I had a ventous delivery and sore stitches and didn’t have sex (of any description) for the first time until about 3 months later. There was zero pressure from my OH, he was just grateful that I’d birthed HIS CHILD and couldn’t do enough for me whilst I recovered. I can’t stand the stories of these ‘men’ with so little respect for someone they’re meant to love. He needs to back the fuck off.

Oh dear. He most certainly can help it…. he can go without or he can see to himself.

An apology followed by then continuing to do it is meaningless 😞

Sex is supposed to be about enthusiastic participation. I don’t understand how anyone can have sex with someone who is clearly not enjoying it. Your husband is a creepy sex pest. I think my vagina would seal closed permanently.