Sex or lack of after birth

As many others have commented, this is depressing. But I can't believe you say you're still doing "stuff" (so basically, you giving him a blow job?) a "couple of times a week" and he's STILL pestering you for sex every night?! The cheek!!!

My last birth was more than eight years ago but my husband should be so lucky!

What an entitled, awful man. You aren't in a safe, loving relationship if you think you have to endure sex you don't want to stop him "looking elsewhere". Now, did you just think that up yourself or has he made you feel like this is the case, I wonder?

Prick. Dump his entitled arse.

@winniethepop your ‘D’H has zero respect for you. Do you see that?

Of course he can help it. He’s choosing not to because he’s a sex pest who doesn’t give a shit about you.

No self respecting man puts this kind of pressure on his wife when she is recovering from birth.

What an absolute pig.

Oh yes he bloody can!

He's vile!

Was he like this with every child?

THIS 👆
😬 🍉 👏

After I had my second DC, at home, I had all sorts of problems. He presented forehead first so the second stage caused a lot of damage. The midwives had no idea until he eventually arrived, literally one minute from their deadline of calling for an ambulance.

4wks later, I had to go to the hospital to get checked out. Firstly, the woman who saw me argued that it was impossible for me to have given birth at home, naturally. That I was wrong because forehead presentations are a CSec. Then she asked if I'd had sex yet, I said no, then she launched into a tirade about my 'poor DH' who must be feeling so neglected. I was also EBF. Said DH, now X, went back to work the morning after DC was born and never had any time off. He left me dealing with an 18m, a newborn and I was in a lot of pain.

Your DH should know better as it's your 4th. Shove an 8lb watermelon up his arse, get him to push it out then him deal with the kids and have sex.

This is heartbreaking to read OP. Can you even imagine being aroused and being able to go through with sex when your partner didn't want to, let alone if it was difficult and uncomfortable? Coercive sex is rape, and he is an abusive pig.

I had a forceps delivery and I think it was at least 6 months before we had sex. My other understood that and was patient.

A good friend of mine has recently has recently split from her husband after realising she'd experienced sexual coercion ever since they'd been together from a young age. I'd really encourage you to look it up and get some support. I suspect you may have become accustomed to his behaviour. You do have a choice, you do NOT need to do anything you don't want to do to please him. It is rape.

Jesus I'm almost 8 months PP and haven't done the deed yet, I'm too bloody tired and have a very difficult baby . Your husband sound very demanding to put it politely

Did you mean the snip as in castration rather than a vasectomy? It's no more than he would deserve. I am furious and so very sad for the OP.

A huge well done to you OP for birthing four children and wishing you a speedy and full recovery - for your sake, not that of your husband. He can fucking help it - he is a pig - he should not pester you, ever, let alone just a few months after you have had his baby and are recovering from a difficult birth.

He needs to get the snip. ✂️ ✂️ ✂️

what the actual fuck. You had a major physical trauma you’re not healed from
you’ve got 4 kids Inc a 3m old and you aren’t really enjoying sex and he’s still pestering every night. Youve told him how he’s making you feel and he doesn’t care, it’s worth upsetting you and putting you through something that makes you uncomfortable and wish it was over, so he can get a shag. I am so sad at the thought of any woman, 3m pp at such a vulnerable time, being treated with anything less than love and care, never mind being pushed into servicing some selfish bastard.

He doesnt understand, and he can help it. My god you must be exhausted. Im so sorry he is making you feel like this. Not wanting sex after a baby is quite normal, especially if you're running around after 3 little ones too. He's an arsehole.

Honestly 🙄 I would tell him to back the fuck off and that you'll let him know when you're ready to have sex again and if he keeps pestering you, it'll be never!! You shouldn't be worrying about him going elsewhere and if that is a concern for you, it says a lot about him. Concentrate on looking after yourself and getting as much rest as you can. If he wants to be a good husband, he should be doing as much as he can to look after you - preparing meals, doing the laundry, taking the baby so you can have a bath or a sleep, looking after your other kids, giving cuddles and loving attention WITHOUT any expectation that it will lead to sex. He sounds like an arsehole to be honest 🙁

Agree, OP’s husband can fuck off.

But really? I’m sure it can’t be that beyond you how couples with children have sex. And it doesn’t have to be coerced by anyone.

I have a four month old, recovered well and quickly and have had sex precisely twice since then because I'm always knackered from looking after my baby and her big sister! And my DH completely understands (even if he wishes it wasn't the case!). Was the same after my eldest, and for a lot longer too. Ignoring the way childbirth changes your body, having another child changes your relationship, your workload and your priorities and it's okay for sex to go on the back burner. Awful that your husband doesn't understand this.

I had four children.

I don't think we had sex more than once a fortnight for the year after our fourth was born, if that. I was absolutely shattered.

My DH never, ever pestered me, he understood how I was and let me set the pace. That's what caring husbands do.

Ps just for context I had a boyfriend who had a penis fracture and I ignored me 'needs' entirely for three months while he recovered and was very gentle with him after that for more months. It's what normal
Empathetic people do.

'He has needs to' nothing trumps your need to recover from childbirth injuries. He had a working hand. It won't fall off.

Poor you. You should be recovering and being looked after by your partner not being made to have sex you don't want and worrying about his feelings over your own.

If safe to do so tell him to use his hand for at least the next three months and leave you be except to give you foot massages.

Same.

I would literally show him this.

I cannot say what I want to say without falling foul of MN guidelines.

I will simply say I hate your husband.

It's horrible to read about a supposed "D" H emotionally abusing and pestering his wife for sex at any time, but when she's recovering from an assisted delivery? I'm sorry this is happening to you. Maybe take the time to work out whether this is the marriage you want.

He’s a selfish prick.