To feel like the poor relation at DDa primary school??

Unfortunately the parents sound materialistic I was in and out of all sorts and I just wanted to play with my friends.

It's the parents pointing this stuff out.

Isn't it great that your dd has friends and your house can expand their world.
What's wrong with being the poorer person or the person with a smaller house? In London you pay for a literal shoe box for what my house is worth.
My American friend has a huge house and it's similar in price to mine.

Even in very large mansions people gravitate to one cosy room.
Most of us just have that one cosy room.

Agree . My son had a friend in reception who came for tea ( yes for tea ,not a play date 😂) and he asked my son why he had a tinsy winsy garden !! We actually had a very decent sized garden but we didn’t have a pool ,games room etc .
So yes ,children do notice but well brought up children do not comment or compare.

I wouldn’t give this any head space at all. Some smart cars dropping off outside our village school, equal number of old cars, plumber’s vans etc. I think most village schools are a mix. If your DD is happy at the school, you don’t need to ponder the conundrum of why some people are/seem more well off…the school gates can be hard at first, all that small talk while you wait for KS1 children. As time goes by, you’ll meet other parents who are on your wave length and make good friendships. OP, you did nothing wrong in mentioning that January is a long month! But I don’t think the other mothers’ replies were inept either. Rejoice that your child is in a first rate state primary.

it does sound like they’re richer op but so what?! You have a home & can provide for her, that’s all she needs.

My DD’s 2 best friends have big houses/cars etc & my DD points this out to me that our house is tiny (their downstairs loo is probably bigger than our kitchen😂) but it doesn’t bother me, I just say oh well, their mum works until 9pm & yours doesn’t!

You want to feel like the poor one - best position to be in. Sounds like you’re getting a fantastic education for free. Otherwise the millionaires would put their kids in private.

I guess you could send your kids to a school in a poorer area? Or just ignore what cars other people drive. How do you know they're not on finance and they are spending their entire budget on a Tesla? Or maybe they are extremely rich. They shouldn't have to disguise it just to make you feel more comfortable. It's a mode of transport. Not a personality.
I can't get my head round people obsessing over other people's wealth, success or perceived social class. There must be more interesting things to think about?

Are you living month to month? I am not a high earner but I also don't notice exactly when I get paid. I know there's always enough to cover my (modest) expenses.

I'm also in a two bed terrace. You're very lucky you can afford to live in an affluent area though. I live among thugs. Today I had to speak to the school head because my child was physically attacked. I bet your child's school is safer and a happier environment. I wouldn't worry about anything else.

The divide between poor and rich in this country is nauseating though.

This happened on Friends when Rachel's sister visited Ross's flat.

also - we use the exciting big shiny train sometimes so not suggesting the friend doesn’t also have a car, who knows or cares?! I’m just pointing out that the kids are only bothered about the bus!

I am really surprised by your daughter’s friend’s comment at such a young age. I, and my children were simply happy to be invited to another child’s house, whatever size or state it was in. I don’t think children notice or think about how rich another family is.

They don't think of it in terms of "rich" or "poor" but of course they notice difference. I was mortified when 6 year old DS once asked a family friend where her upstairs was (she lived in a small maisonette). One of DDs friends at age 6 asked her parents why oliver from school has a swimming pool at home & she doesnt.

Really?! If you’re willing to share your financial woes in public, are only other struggling people allowed to comment back? What would be the polite thing for them to do at that point??

We have a very big house - detached, six bedrooms etc… my DD recently asked us why it isn’t “posh” like her friend’s house. When we got down to it, her friends had a gigantic TV in the living room and lots of consoles hooked up to it. This is her idea of an aspirational house… kids really don’t care about what we think they do at that age. Also, I have a very nice car but DD and her other friends all walk to school so have never seen anyones car. We once saw her classmate on the bus going past us whilst out and DD asked immediately why we didn’t go on the “big shiny bus” and looked very hard done by about it.

Those who look affluent are often mortgaged to the hilt on interest only mortgages, cars are in finance, furniture, holidays etc on credit cards.

.... or they just earn loads. Where i live us famously affluent because pretty much everyone is in a two income family. Mum will be a partner in a law firm while dad works in banking. Dad has his own architecture practise & mums a paediatric consultant. Mum's an FD somewhere big, dad's in private equity. Loads don't even have a mortgage. There are plenty of villages like this in herts/bucks/berks/surrey/kent/essex.

Some people have more money than others, it was ever thus. You must have known you live in an affluent village?

This.... i live in a village like this (yup we have a playroom) but it was glaringly obvious it was like this when we looked at housing here. I'd never seen so many range rovers.

They still have to earn enough to service the debt though.

Why don’t assume that?! I see people’s finances for a living and I can assure you that this is often very far from the truth. - to the people saying it’s all debt/finance

OP I live in a 6 bed house, nice Tesla blah blah. I would however totally get that Jan is a long month and I’m not so disconnected from the real world that I can’t sympathise.

That's when you just acknowledge they're different but underneath it all they may be desperately keeping up debts but don't talk about it.

I'm like you, will just talk openly, but I have learnt to reign it in to small talk, but I can bet there are some who have resignated with you and appreciate your honesty. Xx

I deal with estates on death. I can absolutely tell you now that you have no idea what is really going on with people's finances, regardless of their cars, houses, or lifestyles most of the time.

Those who look affluent are often mortgaged to the hilt on interest only mortgages, cars are in finance, furniture, holidays etc on credit cards.

Find somebody on benefits so you feel better about yourself?

You're just as strange to somebody in that situation.

I had a friends kid for a play date the other month and she commented on my really big house. My house is smaller than hers but hers is a bungalow where as mine is a normal semi detached. Made me laugh a lot! I would definitely avoid any financial comments with the first mum she clearly was bragging as I would have just responded that January is definitely a long month she was bragging.

You made a very ordinary, every day comment, OP and there’s no need to feel bad about it, those mums shouldn’t make you feel bad about it nor should strangers on MN. Some folk love to make out that they’re so much better than you. I’ve known people like it, they weren’t my cup of tea so I sought out more down to earth friends.

They can’t have been that wealthy if they don’t have large amounts of liquid cash to fall back on for both partners.

Our DIL has much younger siblings and her stepfather is rich. They live in a big house. DS/ DIL lived with us for a year whilst saving for their deposit.
They were describing our 3 bed council house to little brother..he couldn't fathom how we had one room, Our 2 sons shared one and our daughter had a third room when they were children. He asked where the nanny and gardener slept. 😂

Tbf I don’t think saying ‘January is a long month’ is ‘discussing personal finances.’ It’s a normal thing to say in my world anyway!

I think they are the minority.

For most people it is a "long month"

Most people will understand it.

They sound like Amanda from motherland

Some of the responses on here I find a bit odd, we’re talking about parents picking up their kids from school, some people are talking as if the OP is trying to communicate with an alien species.

Anyone who harps on about what they have isn’t worth bothering with. Similarly some people constantly harp on about having nothing, almost as a defence mechanism. I can’t be doing with them either personally.

I’m not suggesting the OP is one of those people, just a general point. But at the same time people just talk about things generally, I don’t think the OP did something inherently wrong by saying what she said. I also don’t think there’s anything inherently wrong with someone talking about their holiday, their new car or whatever else. People talk about these things because that’s part of their life.

I don’t like the Mumsnet thing of almost sneering at people who probably have the car on finance or the huge mortgage. Why do you care?

If your daughter is happy and making friends then that’s great, if you can get along with the other parents that’s fine, but similar to being at work, you won’t like them all or want to be their best friend. And if you think this woman was being a bit of a dick don’t speak to her, just smile politely when you see her.

I make no claims to having grown up in poverty but we certainly weren’t a wealthy family when we were kids. That’s changed (apologies if that’s a bit blunt but relevant to what I’m about to say). I’m not in the slightest bit interested what car someone drives or the size of house they live in. Maybe they worked hard, inherited money (which someone had to die for them to receive so they’ve hardly come by it easily) were lucky or a combination of these. Who cares. People are people, the nice ones are nice regardless of their bank balance, the dickheads will be dickheads regardless.

I really doubt they’re spending half as much time thinking about your wealth level as you are theirs.