To feel like the poor relation at DDa primary school??

Yeah I hadn't noticed the comment on not noticing when you get paid. I literally don't know anyone who would say that, from the most to least wealthy friends and acquaintances. People with more money still tend to have big outgoings and know payday!

it reads more like a throwaway comment in response to awkward small talk. Neither Op nor this woman related to one another, and in such a situation it’s easy to say the ‘wrong’ thing.

CBA.

I'm in a very affluent middle-class type village - a bit like yourself OP. My husband and I are probably very average compared to our neighbours. We were both working minimum wage when we met.

I grew up very solidly middle class, and my husband grew up in a council scheme. I have relatives who have inherited the worth of my house. My group of friends around here is all sorts.

You really don't know what people's financial situations are like OP, they could have been very fortunate in their careers, spend wisely, be in a ton of debt, married well, invested, have inherited. And all of it can change.

Just focus on doing the best for you.

Well I've had small visitors to our house over the years asking (more than one child, not all at once) where the dining room, conservatory, piano and garden were, plus many comments on how few bathrooms. And I think the pay-day comment at the end of Jan is fine and would have responded well. Wish you were in my playground OP. It can be hard trying in the playground, just chalk it up to experience and try another topic, kids clubs or swimming worked well in yr r.

A child queried at my birthday party why we hadn't got carpet. We'd not been in there too long and mom had gone back to work to save up for it. 1960s so no credit cards. I would have been 5

Kids notice things and have no filters so comment

Having said that, ‘I don’t even know when I get paid’ is a spectacularly cunty thing to reply to someone who said what the OP said.

That’s the point though. I have some friends/acquaintances where I’d absolutely say something like this as small talk, and some where I know it wouldn’t resonate. The person on the school run who gets into a brand new Tesla and talks about their frequent skiing holidays? Not the small talk I’d make in that situation. Small talk is largely about knowing your audience.
This can’t be the first time the OP has noticed that she lives in an affluent area, so it’s not something I’d have said on that particular school run.

And yet lots of people on this thread relate to January being a financially difficult month.

Surely it’s not that difficult to read the room before you make money-related small talk? This is reminding me of my mother who just defaults to the idea that every woman everywhere loves sweet foods and struggles with her weight.

It didn’t seem to compute that at a wedding meal she was sitting beside a wire-thin triathlete who had literally just talking about the vast number of calories she was having to eat daily as she approached a big race — my mother was still patting her waistline coyly and saying ‘We’ll have to work this off tomorrow!’

See, I think talk about being skint in January is small talk, but I clearly move I different circles! I wouldn’t discuss the details of my finances with others but lots of us at work have made reference to there being a lot of month at the end of the money in January, etc.

Kids do notice stuff - whether it’s what adults notice is another matter. We have a 3-bed semi, which was fairly compact downstairs until we extended it. I remember friends coming to visit, their kids going through the house (the living room had loads of toys) and then asking me “Where’s the playroom?”. They didn’t live in a mansion but kids know what they know, and their house had a playroom.

I would say kids notice differences more as they get older. My oldest is convinced we live in a shoe box despite most of his friends sharing bedrooms with their siblings! He is 9 and we’re trying to work on his understanding of money at a basic level, ie that you can only spend money once, more money on a bigger house for us would mean less money on other things, etc.

its all relative. DDs attended same schools, but dd1 gravitated to the kids form the more affluent families and we seemed poor in comparison. DD2s friends were usually from less affluent families and we seemed quite well off in comparison.

so dd1 always had the impression we were poor and dd2 always had the impression we were rich 😂. In truth we’ve always been kind of middle of the road.

Pssst, OP, MN is not the place for this kind of post!
You know you are chatting to the same Tesla mums on here, right? 😂

My kids go to a nursery in an area which is near DH work but full of enormous houses. We live in a 2.5 terrace a 15 min drive away - very grateful but the houses are very different. DS has been for a couple of playdates with kids at nursery and we've reciprocated and their houses are much much bigger than ours. It's really not an issue, we've been lucky to meet parents who are very nice, down to earth etc. They will be on much higher wages than us but with a massive mortgage so by the time you factor in the nursery fees and that I doubt they have huge amounts of spare cash. If so, who cares anyway. They have been nice to my child and have lovely children.

Most of the snobbery I've experienced in my life has been reverse snobbery by people who think I'm posh. I deliberately don't discuss where I work, went to university etc unless directly asked with some new people I meet. People are odd, you do you.

I am completely skint this month but I wouldn't discuss that on the nursery drop off as I very much doubt anyone else is and it's kind of a personal question. I stick to the weather and what we got up to at the weekend if I see anyone I know!

got into her 24 plate Tesla 5 minutes later, whilst the third climbed into her Range Rover. Dds friends all live in huge 5-6 detached houses,who's living rooms are bigger than the* entire floor* plan of our little terraced 2 bedroom house

I would think it fairly obvious that these friends wouldn't be feeling particularly skint if they can afford to live in detached 6-bed houses and drive new Teslas, so I wouldn't have chosen that topic as my small talk!

Z

Your daughter's made some rich friends! They probably know most people aren't as rich as them and you're the ordinary one though so try not to worry I doubt anyone is judging.

When my first born started reception I was 20 and most of the other parents were 30+ without even mentioning all the grandmas with full custody which seem to be more common these days. It felt very awkward at first but you get used to it and no one else really cares as much as you think

The parents at our kids village state primary were a lot wealthier than at our older child's private school. For the parents choosing to go state for primary they have a spare 40k at the end of the year that they could have spent on fees. They will not feel January is a long month.

Or they are just trying to portray themselves In that way, which is often the case

I definitely have a smaller house than many of the people in DD's class. I live in a similar sounding village to you.

I try and focus on the feeling people get when they come and spend time at my home - I have nice lamps, its cosy and welcoming, there is always baking going on, I feed people and talk to them, I try and make people laugh. I take care of the garden. I ask them about themselves and am a good listener. I get paints out for the kids and don't make a big deal about mess. I hope they leave feeling good and like they've had a nice time. That's what children remember - the feeling inside their friends houses and the love there. Size doesn't matter. I hope my house is the one that DD and her friends congregate at in the future.

What is the issue op. Why be so materialistic and focusing on what people look like they have and then comparing to yourself

treat people as people, stop eyeing up their wealth.

Omg that was me as a kid! I was always impressed with coving, it looked like a stately home decor to me!

I also sympathise with you op. My (piss poor) kids went to a Range Rover millionaire school where the parents would all bray about their skiing holidays at half term. There were a few nice parents but the worst thing was the office staff treating us like third class steerage and the parents that would talk through celebration assemblies and park on the ziggy zaggy lines. Rules don’t apply to rich wankers apparently…

I was so glad when my kids left. It still makes my stomach flip when I drive past it.

Tales me back to one little charmer (also in reception) who referred to our "pocket handkerchief sized garden" Honestly sometimes you just have to laugh!

It's one of those things where your own feelings are making you feel bad. Also probably going to make the other parents feel awkward if they're clearly not in the same position.
I'm a single parent and I moan about it to my other single parent friends but not to those with partners, for example.

As someone who lives in a small house I can say that those who say small children don’t notice things like this are wrong. There has been more than one occasion when little friends on play dates have commented about the size of our kitchen and the fact we only have one bathroom. It’s water off a ducks back to me - our little semi is home to me and unless we come into a lot of money I don’t see that changing.
I may have just been lucky that my outwardly rich friends don’t seem the least bothered about my ‘poor relation’ house or that I don’t have a dishwasher or go on foreign holidays. If they talk about it behind my back so be it, but none of them have ever refused their child a play date or declined to pop in for a coffee.
As friends at the school gate we obviously chat about jobs and by virtue of knowing what they and their partners do it’s obvious that their annual income is much much more than ours but equally I have learned over time that some of them are mortgaged up to the hilt and have huge outgoings on cars and credit cards so outward appearances don’t always tell the whole story.
I didn’t get the impression from what the OP said that her friends thought any the less of her because of her comments about it being a long month and some of the earlier comments on here not reading the room are unfair. January is a long month for many.

Why does it matter what people call it? Tea is a drink here so the children’s friends never ‘come for tea’, but I wouldn’t think to comment on what phrase other people use 🤷🏻‍♀️