For asking my husband to stop sharing his live location with his sister?

1000%

How does it get worse when you have a child and tie yourself forever to a man overseas, who is nicer when he's smoking weed than when he's straight, and his carcrash of a zero boundaries family situation, and didn't want the baby in the first place?

For a start off that's you going nowhere for the next 18 years as you won't be able to leave the country without his permission. I can't think of much that's more depressing than resorting to IVF with a partner that can't be arsed to even pretend to want the child you're jumping through hoops to create.

Think about it.

This 100%

How does it suddenly get BETTER with children, answer that! Go read literally any of the thousands of posts here about trying to parent when the husband takes the in laws side. They’ll be in all your business, not just your hospital appointments. What happens when he shares his location that he’s at the hospital and you’re giving birth? Then his mum and sister show up and they take over as your birthing partners while he takes a walk to smoke weed and calm down from all the stress of you giving birth.. and if you try and say no, but he insists..

Raising the child you then rely on his mum/sister because he isn’t helping much at all. He convinces you it’s only fair SIS have access to your location 24/7 as really, she is like another parent to your DC.

Then you decide actually, you really want to move back home to your own country and for your child to have ties there and with your family. But he says no, his family are there and need to be involved. You can’t just leave, he has parental rights. You feel totally trapped for at least 18 years. But what then? 18 years later your child only knows DH’s country as home and doesn’t want to leave with you. So either you stay there forever or create a bigger distance with your child.

There are a million scenarios, these are just the first ones I plucked. Have a long hard think.

with no children you are more free to make your own choices including leaving, even to the extent of moving countries. Once you have another human being that you are responsiblefor, things get a lot more difficult including legally depending on the laws in your country of residence. I Mean THINK for goodness sake.

But more effective risk management is available.

I'd stop meddling with his relationship with his sister. Up to him how they interact. Trying to dictate things like switching off locations feels terribly controlling.
I feel there's more underlying this. Maybe you should explore your feelings about his family relationships. While it's pretty mean of her to imply he'd be better off single (if that's an accurate interpretation), I wonder if you've contributed to some tension in the in-law relationships. For example, cancelling dinner at the last minute and wanting to fabricate an excuse is plain rude. If that's part of a pattern then I can see why your in-laws might get pissed off.

If something happened to me, I’d want people to know exactly where I was.

I don't know why the quote didn't load...

That was supposed to be in reply to @Ablondiebutagoody

It's not the point of sharing your location at all. Most people only use it for safety reasons if someone's late to meet you or to help find each other if you've got plans. It's there in the background if you ever need it, not there for you to track their every movement.

It's not controlling to dislike it. It's controlling to know he does and badger him to change.

Of course she does. She has the right to a private life with her partner. If he accompanied her to the breast clinic, should his sister automatically know about it, while it's happening?

It's not controlling to dislike your partner taking drugs illegally, either, by the way. If he needs cannabis, he should get a prescription.

This is so weird. Of course he should turn it off if you don't want to be tracked all the time by your in laws. It's invasive and completely unnecessary, and that's before the bizarre hourly checking and commenting on where you're going or where you've been.

The sister needs to get a life. Imagine thinking you're fun and chilled, but you track your brother's movements every hour of the day. 🤦‍♀️

She sounds nuts but in my family we see each others location - some 10 people (think mother, father, sisters, brothers, aunts and friends) in various countries via FindFriends on Apple devices but no one abuses it like your SIL. I'm also aware teenagers already see each other's location by default on their snapchats (my 16yo daughter showed me).

He's a nicer person when he's on weed? So he's not nice when he's sober? If you don't even get on unless he's stoned why on earth would you want to have a child with this loser? FGS find someone better, an equal partner, someone who cares for you and supports you as much as you care for them. This current relationship is all one sided. He wont give up weed because he doesn't really want a baby with you. And please don't use an elastoplast baby to paper over the cracks in your relationship.

You don't have any right whatsoever to try and tell your husband who he can share his location with. The more you use words like "normal" to him, the more you will seem like the hypercontrolling person. If you don't like this man and his weed habit and his close family, leave him alone.

I was coming here to say this! Maybe you should review the whole tracking system... I understand you want to feel safer out for walks alone, but surely it's a turn on when needed thing rather than sharing location all the time!?

Yeah nah, the child will be their relative and you just it's mother. You'll find they'll be even more involved and enmeshed and you more trapped.

What country are you living in? I couldn’t cope with anyone tracking my movements on a daily basis yet many on Mumsnet consider this completely normal and coming out with nonsense about knowing what time to put the dinner on. Tracking someone’s movements is both intrusive and completely abnormal.

It sounds like you're having a baby to fix your life.

That's not a good reason to bring an innocent life into the world.

Your husband's family is enmeshed. Normal families in any culture don't need to know each other's location every minute of the day. His sister's reaction to him turning off his location tells you all you need to know. As a couple you should draw strict boundaries with his family. This will not change and will get much worse, especially if you have children later. Ask me how I know 🙄

Yeah man you have bigger problems than the location sharing 🫤

I mean this changes the whole focus of the discussion.

I had voted YABU because it is between him and his sister. I mean, I wouldn't share my location with a stalker, but if my dh wanted to share his location with his sister, I'd think that was between the two of them.
I was going to say, why not sit down with your dh and talk about how you want to keep the IVF and the hospital appointments between just the two of you, and therefore see if he would remove the 'permission to stalk' but, now I just have to join others in asking why on earth you would want to create a baby with an addict ?

I'm not personally a fan of all the tracking - my parents and siblings use it between each other but DH and I only share our locations temporarily for specific reasons.

But tracking is the norm in your DH's family, you're fine with it with everyone else, and the rest of your posts suggest that you just dislike this sister (though honestly it seems like you're using her as a scapegoat for some relationship issues of your own) and this is targeted at her to an unreasonable degree. The specific examples you gave shouldn't have gotten your back up the way they did. So YABU. If you want to ask your DH to turn off tracking or leave his phone at home during your IVF appointments that's fine, but asking him to turn off tracking just for his sister all the time is not reasonable.