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AIBU?

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Original poster

For asking my husband to stop sharing his live location with his sister?

155 replies

louisewellsx37 · 27/01/2025 15:50

I recently moved to my husbands country and it is very common to share locations with friends family. I admit I thought this was/is strange too... but he has 5-6 of his friends and his sisters so wasn't a big deal. We have each others and its actually pretty handy knowing when he is on his way home from work (for dinner purposes), seeing if he is working late, or for him to see if im safe walking the dogs in the forest alone etc etc. so all in all kinda handy. problem is, his sister occasionally comments on his location eg recently we took a roadtrip and it was snowing, and she decides to text him "where the hell are you going in the snow?" and i saw his reply weeks later kind of mocking me saying "she has decided to go on a roadtrip", she being me, and her saying "haha good luck".... I find this utterly disrespectful but that is in the past and has been spoken about (to both of them). This sister often crosses boundaries and admits she hourly checks everyones locations.

problem is, after her comments on where we are at, and winding up my husband for no good reason, i find uncomfortable. even yesterday we were due to go to dinner at a family members house but changed our mind, and she has his location so we can't even say we got held up at work etc. I just find it an invasion of privacy, but was happy to keep quiet and go along with it until she started making her comments on the places we travel too...

AIBU? she recently deleted my husbands location (GREAT!!) because he had it turned off for a few days because he was fed up with it all, and because he turned it off she deleted him (as if to say well i will delete you then, if you don't share it!) - anywho, what annoyed me more was he added her back after a few days. I asked him why when he knew that i did not want her having it, he said he doesnt see the issue, why do i care, and makes out i am starting an argument and says he can have his familys location if he wants too.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Christmassoxs · 31/01/2025 09:40

I would be rethinking the whole relationship tbh, I wouldn't be having a baby with this man that's for certain. Sil sounds a bit stalker-ish tbh. The whole tracking set up is weird to my thinking.
You 'won't let' him on certain and he shows a degree of disrespect to you, with his nosy sis being the third wheel in the marriage.
Have a dc and it will only get worse imo.

lazyarse123 · 31/01/2025 09:40

I'd be more worried about having a baby with someone who can't function without weed. But the location thing would also put me off.

GiveMeSpanakopita · 31/01/2025 09:37

I never share my location with anyone and the only members of my family I digitally track are my dogs!

Like so much info sharing on social media it's usually unnecessary and just leads to unnecessary grief and aggro.

JustAskingThisQ · 31/01/2025 09:36

MellowCritic · 31/01/2025 09:29

When you put it like that, its hard to disagree, and yes it comes across as control if op wants him to stop sharing ... the flip side of it is.. the sister is over stepping and acting obsessed over her grown brothers location , he has a wife and the sister and ops husband are also having little convos at ops expense, yes no doubt they see it as not a big deal.. what's the harm? What did we say that was that bad.. its not a big deal but reasonable ppl don't behave in this way. I'm sorry but it's immature and off putting

Edited
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It's only obsessive if he thinks it is. My friend thinks it's obsessive that I text back and forth my partner a few times a day while he works. We both want and expect these messages so to us it isn't at all. The only true measure of it being obsessive is if it stops her doing the things she needs to be doing. It doesn't sound like sister is leading a dysfunctional life as such so we can't say that.

MellowCritic · 31/01/2025 09:34

stayathomer · 31/01/2025 09:29

Op she’s his family and they’re close- I’d hate my husband telling me what I can do and say to my sister. She’s also kind of your family too now, especially if you have a child, she’s going to be their Aunty, life is going to be one giant battle if you think about everything this much

Why does it fall to op to be the one who puts her feelings aside ? Why shouldn't the sil back off? I'm genuinely asking you, I'm not trying to be rude but I don't understand why you can't see the sil behaviour isn't reasonable and op has the right to be happy in her environment, if the sil is constantly checking their location and making comments, that's not on and it's not healthy to suggest to the op that' she's the one who's overthinking it. The family can be close, they can share location, but why does it have to be taken this far ? Sometimes it's the ppl with poor behaviour that need to stop not the person who has had enough.

PennyApril54 · 31/01/2025 09:32

It's up to him surely. It's his family, not strangers or a random woman. In a way you sound quite controlling and generally at risk of creating a weird vibe with his family like you're trying to isolate him from those close relationships. Maybe you need to try harder.

MellowCritic · 31/01/2025 09:29

JustAskingThisQ · 27/01/2025 16:10

It's surely up to him.

When you put it like that, its hard to disagree, and yes it comes across as control if op wants him to stop sharing ... the flip side of it is.. the sister is over stepping and acting obsessed over her grown brothers location , he has a wife and the sister and ops husband are also having little convos at ops expense, yes no doubt they see it as not a big deal.. what's the harm? What did we say that was that bad.. its not a big deal but reasonable ppl don't behave in this way. I'm sorry but it's immature and off putting

stayathomer · 31/01/2025 09:29

Op she’s his family and they’re close- I’d hate my husband telling me what I can do and say to my sister. She’s also kind of your family too now, especially if you have a child, she’s going to be their Aunty, life is going to be one giant battle if you think about everything this much

Swiftie1878 · 31/01/2025 09:26

Having children puts pressure on a relationship. Going through IVF puts huge pressure on - it is TOUGH.
Don’t do this with an addict, please.

The messed up family enmeshment is a whole side story, really.

DreamyRedNewt · 31/01/2025 09:13

What country is this?? Seems strange a whole coutry does this. It must be his family/friends, not a country thing...

I'd hate this

Wheelz46 · 31/01/2025 09:10

It's obviously his choice but when his choice affects you then there needs to be a common ground.

With the IVF, you need to tell him, you don't want your sister in law knowing you are attending the hospital so he either turns his location off or he leaves his phone at home so she thinks that's where he is.

Lickityspit · 31/01/2025 09:06

Im sorry your DH and his sister sound awful. You are having a baby for all the wrong reasons and it’s downright irresponsible to bring a baby into this dysfunctional set up. Don’t have a baby to fix your problems

BuildbyNumbere · 31/01/2025 08:48

louisewellsx37 · 29/01/2025 01:32

How does it get worse with children. I actually thought that would give me more family and allow myself to distance myself more eg always be busy, kid parties, kid appointments etc.

also you’re right, her deleting him because he removed his location for a while is punishment for removing his location. It’s sick.

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Bit you will be tied to him and his family forever … and they will know it

BuildbyNumbere · 31/01/2025 08:47

louisewellsx37 · 28/01/2025 18:37

he doesnt care to do IVF - the whole reason i need IVF is because he wont/cant stop smoking weed.

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Who told you that? Pretty sure you can still have kids when you smoke weed … plenty do!

BuildbyNumbere · 31/01/2025 08:45

louisewellsx37 · 27/01/2025 16:08

well clearly not, that's why i feel uncomfortable about her constantly monitoring my husbands location, and most of the time i am with him so mine too. we want to start IVF soon, is she going to know each time we are at the hospital? I don't feel comfortable with it at all...

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Tell him he’ll have to leave his phone at home on those days!

Lengokengo · 31/01/2025 08:37

Having kids makes so many more family obligations . I live in DHs country. We have a family birthday celebration every 10 minutes it seems, with mandatory attendance. Having a kids makes you 10 times more emmeshed and tied down to obligations . some people love this. Others…. Not so much

BeLilacSloth · 31/01/2025 08:33

Yes this is weird, my DH shares our amazon prime with his mum and sometimes she’ll ring up and say “why have you ordered this?” It’s none of her business and it really pisses me off but my DH won’t take her off it.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 31/01/2025 08:33

NewYearNewName2025 · 29/01/2025 08:23

He's a nicer person when he's on weed? So he's not nice when he's sober? If you don't even get on unless he's stoned why on earth would you want to have a child with this loser? FGS find someone better, an equal partner, someone who cares for you and supports you as much as you care for them. This current relationship is all one sided. He wont give up weed because he doesn't really want a baby with you. And please don't use an elastoplast baby to paper over the cracks in your relationship.

This. You would be mad to have a child with him.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 31/01/2025 08:31

Insist he switches it off if you are going to doctors apts or anything else you would prefer to remain private since she can’t respect your privacy as a couple.

edit. Just saw the weed update

Doloresparton · 31/01/2025 08:30

@louisewellsx37 there are some lovely normal men in the world who don’t smoke weed and have healthy relationships with family.
Get out now before you’re tied down with a baby.

MumsTheWordYouKnow · 31/01/2025 08:27

I use location sharing with my family. We do not look to see where each other is going. We may only look to see are they nearly home etc if for a reason. The sister sounds controlling and weird. Also now you are together you are both the only people that need to know location and then children when you have them. What is the purpose of other people knowing his location? None I imagine. It’s just intrusive.

Doitrightnow · 31/01/2025 08:20

I hate location sharing. DH asked me to install it when I went on a weekend abroad alone and it was so annoying. I deleted it as soon as I got back.

I'd delete it from my phone. DH can keep it if he wants to but I'd be asking him to disable it for hospital appointments.

poemsandwine · 31/01/2025 08:15

louisewellsx37 · 28/01/2025 18:37

he doesnt care to do IVF - the whole reason i need IVF is because he wont/cant stop smoking weed.

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How on earth are you thinking this is a good situation to bring a child into?

BitOutOfPractice · 31/01/2025 08:07

As ever with this sort of thread, the initial issue in the op is not the real issue in the relationship. Op my advice would be “don’t have a baby with this man”.

CosyLemur · 31/01/2025 08:03

Miaowzabella · 27/01/2025 16:06

This sister often crosses boundaries and admits she hourly checks everyones locations.

WTF? Has the woman literally nothing else to do?

I'm guessing it's an app like live 360 where if you have notifications turned on for one person they're turned on for everyone. Personally I don't need a notification every time my partner leaves somewhere or an hourly update but I have it turned on for the kids so it's turned on for him too.