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AIBU?

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Original poster

To wonder why DD won’t go to her dads

40 replies

Holibo · 27/01/2025 14:40

my 7 year old DD stays at her dads once a week, she said she didn’t want to go yesterday but I convinced her, her dad is asking why she doesn’t want to stay and I said you’re asking the wrong person that question. What do I do?

he thinks I am saying things to her but I am not, I like the one night break, why would I do that?

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 27/01/2025 16:26

If she’s sleeping on an air bed then I’m not surprised she wants to come home and not stay over.

Original poster
Holibo · 27/01/2025 16:26

NotthinglikeaBondGirl · 27/01/2025 16:22

You are doing the right thing in supporting contact visits between ex & DD by dong washing etc, However he doesn't even have a microwave? They cost about £20 FFS! My suspicion is that he's deliberately living in a very modest way & telling your DD that it's all your fault. She's only 7 an airbed is fine as long as you frame it in the right way eg: we camping at daddy's house ATM until he can get somewhere better.

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I do tell them it’s like camping

OP posts:
NotthinglikeaBondGirl · 27/01/2025 16:22

Holibo · 27/01/2025 16:14

I have reassured him, why would I do that I would only be punishing myself. He doesn’t have a microwave, they sleep on air beds, no washing machine etc he brings all the clothes back for me to wash.

Show quote history

You are doing the right thing in supporting contact visits between ex & DD by dong washing etc, However he doesn't even have a microwave? They cost about £20 FFS! My suspicion is that he's deliberately living in a very modest way & telling your DD that it's all your fault. She's only 7 an airbed is fine as long as you frame it in the right way eg: we camping at daddy's house ATM until he can get somewhere better.

NotthinglikeaBondGirl · 27/01/2025 16:15

I'm thinking that the Pot Noodle thing is an excuse. She knows that you feed her healthy meals & is thinking that you would be outraged at only a Pot Noodle. As other posters say you need to talk to her to find out what the problem is. You mention shouting - is that directed at her or is it your ex having problems with his current partner?

You don't say how friendly you are with your ex. The ideal would be that you could phone ex & discuss the issues - but, in my experience that's not usually possible.

I was a widowed single parent so never had these issues. But, like you, I would have loved it if my DS was taken off my hands for a while.

Original poster
Holibo · 27/01/2025 16:14

SummerInSun · 27/01/2025 16:10

I don't think it's fair for her to have to explain to him why she doesn't want to stay. She is 7, not 15. You need to chat calmly to her about it.

As for your ex, unless he is a deadbeat, it's upsetting for him that she doesn't want to stay with him, especially if he only sees her once a week anyway. Not surprising he is looking for explanations that would make himself feel better, eg that you are talking him down. You need to reassure him that isn't the case.

I have reassured him, why would I do that I would only be punishing myself. He doesn’t have a microwave, they sleep on air beds, no washing machine etc he brings all the clothes back for me to wash.

OP posts:
SummerInSun · 27/01/2025 16:10

I don't think it's fair for her to have to explain to him why she doesn't want to stay. She is 7, not 15. You need to chat calmly to her about it.

As for your ex, unless he is a deadbeat, it's upsetting for him that she doesn't want to stay with him, especially if he only sees her once a week anyway. Not surprising he is looking for explanations that would make himself feel better, eg that you are talking him down. You need to reassure him that isn't the case.

BlondeMamaToBe · 27/01/2025 16:05

She probably doesn’t have a decent meal or the same home comforts at her dads if her answer is that she had a pot noodle last time.

littlemissprosseco · 27/01/2025 16:03

Maybe he finds it stressful when she’s there and raises his voice to her, or maybe she plays him up? Or maybe she thinks he raises his voice? You need to talk to them both by the sound of it!

Original poster
Holibo · 27/01/2025 15:54

She did say daddy was shouting a lot, but he doesn’t shout generally, he is quite laid back

OP posts:
Original poster
Holibo · 27/01/2025 15:54

she said she had a pit noodle for tea last time, which is fine I don’t mind as I cook for her every other day. She just says she doesn’t want to stay? What is bothering me the most is my ex saying I am saying things to her but I am not.

OP posts:
littlemissprosseco · 27/01/2025 15:50

You have to ask her!
she may just not like the change of routine, being separated from you…… It could be anything, you have to ask her. Does she think he’s too strict? Not give her nice food? She’s seven, make a joke out of it and you’ll probably break through

WildNorthEast · 27/01/2025 15:48

Why doesn't she want to go?

Electricfeels · 27/01/2025 15:47

I know you said you convinced her to go last time, but have you asked her why she doesn’t want to go?

Wolfiefan · 27/01/2025 15:47

Have you asked her?

Original poster
Holibo · 27/01/2025 15:46

Anybody?

OP posts: