To tell my friend (nicely and diplomatically) to get a grip re her divorce?

There is a difference between expecting someone to be over something traumatic in 8 months and expecting their trauma not to still monopolise every single meetup and conversation 8 months later. That complete lack of awareness and insight is not a trauma thing, it is a personality thing. I've been through a number of traumatic events in my life, as I'm sure a lot of other people have, and managed not to trauma dump constantly on my friends with no room for them to share about their lives. In fact, my friends were a distraction from the pain. The opportunity to think about something else. It's not good or healthy to have made zero progress in 8 months. You don't need a friend at that point, you need a therapist.

8 months is nothing. As you will learn as you age and see how many people are maimed for life by hard experiences. You can decide your "boundaries" kick in less than a year after a trauma but then why call yourself a friend if you're a going for coffee and cake acquaintance.

Op it’s quite clear that your friend does not need anyone telling her to get a grip.

What she needs is someone gently steering her to get sole professional help. Poor woman.

Good point. I've seen that happen before.

No way, I disagree.
There are 2 people in the friendship. If it’s all take take take on one side then of course the other person will get sick of it eventually.

It’s not like the OP is living a glittering care free life, the OP has her own problems too. A sick child is a real strain. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.

It’s not a bottomless well of support, at a certain point you have to lift your head up from your own grief and look around and see other people, and they are suffering too, and balance the support. Give them some too.

If it’s all one sided, it is unbalanced, and even a saint would draw the line.

There is a chance that this is getting worse over time for the OP because the friend has already burnt through other friends.

So supporting someone for 8 months as they have a public crisis and daily melt down, but then deciding she can now no longer continue to do so makes her a fairweather friend?

How many months/years do you think it is appropriate for someone to give up to their friend's mental health crisis before they are allowed to prioritise their own mental health and boundaries?

I think she's already proven herself a pointless fairweather friend so I don't think it matters too much

She did support her during her 8 month crisis. Is she supposed to continue doing so forever?

What's the end date that you would find acceptable for the OP to want to prioritise her own mental health and boundaries?

Yes, your friend needs to stop embarrassing herself in such a pathetic way. Do try to talk sense into her.

I think you are a bad friend if you can't support someone through a crisis. She probably WON'T get over it. Her life is changed forever.

She is following her and it pings every time a new post is up. And being on FB isn´t a crime.

I’m glad you’re feeling more your normal self now. I completely agree about the finality but for me, in terms of timeframes, it was the other way around. I didn’t bounce back from my bereavement, of course, but it didn’t floor me like my divorce did (perhaps because we’d been together since school and there was also an element of betrayal — he cheated, and it was years before I found out; whereas when my DP died, he’d been ill for a while so we’d both had time to prepare — as much as you can.)

I think you have been an amazing friend. You have helped your friend in every way.
But at some point the sustained help doesn’t help, and that’s not your fault. You are being a friend in the best way you can.
When anyone is on the same stage as your friend, it becomes like an obsession and it won’t be moved. The fact is, her husband wanted to leave the marriage.
And I am sorry as awful as it is, it’s not the same as someone dying in horrific circumstances.
The only person who can decide to get professional help is your friend. A counsellor won’t let her sit and talk about the same thing for three hours at a time because it’s not helping her. And she needs someone whose job it is to help her get better.
The only thing you can do is decide how to act moving forwards. I think it is fair as a good friend to tell her that the constant Facebook posting and dog-wrangling is keeping her stuck. If she doesn’t like it, then that’s her reaction to own.
You can still spend time with her, within limits and if she brings everything back to her divorce, tell her it’s hurting her, not helping her.
I say all this as someone who had an awful breakdown and I had a pretty straight talking friend and I am so glad she called me out. It helped me see I needed professional help.
Your friend’s behaviour isn’t just about her divorce, but will probably have deep-seated roots in her childhood and previous experiences.
If your friend reacts badly, then step away. Tell her you will be there for her in the future.

I can sympathise with all in your post, OP, but yes, a divorce is comparable to a death. And you will hear many divorced people say the same. You have not been divorced, so how would you know?

Interesting you minimise it by calling it a ‘break up’, as though she’s someone silly and young with a boyfriend.