To tell my friend (nicely and diplomatically) to get a grip re her divorce?

Pfft death was MUCH better than divorce for me

At least there's closure with a death, when my ex fucked off with his colleague it was much worse

Yes she needs therapy

Divorce can be (and was for me utterly horrific)

Current dh and I have compromised as I said death was better than divorce. He's given me permission to kill him if he moots divorce

It took me 3 years to get over an ex. I refused to talk to anyone about it. My friends said I was like a wraith, physically there but quiet and so obviously not present. The pain was all consuming, I felt like I was in a swamp I couldn’t escape.

I cried every night but no one knew. Or at least I didn’t tell anyone.

So whilst I sympathise with your friend on the pain, I don’t agree with her monopolising all the conversation and making everything about her.

I think you should do as you suggested Op, tell her that after 8 months, you’ve run out of mileage on bottomless sympathy.

Say that she is allowed 10-15 minutes to wallow about ex and then the conversation must move to other things.

You must stick to this. If she refuses then I would limit how much you see her, e.g. once a month or once every 2 months.

If she runs out of friends to use as memory cards then she may start to dig herself out of the swamp.

Are they actually divorced or does she still have the technicalities of that to go through? (i.e. such as the financial settlement.)

How long were they married?

How old are they?

It's really tricky for me to form a view as to how patient I'd need to feel towards her without some more info. 10 SM posts a day - way too much in absolute terms. And I get that it's tiresome.

The other bits may or may not be, however 'annoying' she is coming across.

its a process of grieving, its not the same but it is comparable in the way a human deals with the loss of a relationship

She sounds exhausting.

Because it's heartbreaking?

Emotions are complex.

I can't believe the lack of emotional intelligence some people have.

Tell her not to discuss the huge painful thing she's going through?

What is the point of even having friends if they would say this?

8 months is nothing.

I doubt she realizes it but if he's seeing any of this on sm or being told by others he's probably even more glad he left. And using this to say "see what I put up with". The best revenge is moving on and being happy. But she won't get there like this.

Did you read the OP?

By the by but I had a tenant who was like that- just separating and it was clear she’d never done anything around the house, came from a culture where she had servants in her parents’ home and then got married. She’d ring me saying “ the light is broken send someone to fix it” I’d go round, lo and behold the bulb just needed changing ( she couldn’t figure how to). Or the cooker is broken ( no, the rings are clogged with grease). She was high maintenance.

Off-topic, but can I just say your dad is a star?

Heh, well, that's certainly fair

It honestly can be as bad. With death, it is final, there is no changing it. It can, for some people, be easier to accept.

The Kubler-Ross model is equally applicable. It sounds like she is stuck somewhere between bargaining and depression, which is very, very normal, particularly if the divorce itself isn't being progressed by her husband. Each phase of that process can push people backwards again.

If you can't offer her the support she needs, it is ok to say that to her.

Aw, that was a lovely thing your dad did for you.

What a good idea. I guess with YouTube and the internet it can all be found out - but the words of wisdom that came with your booklet are priceless.

I would put her on temp mute on fb so you can't see all she posts. 8 months isn't that long and it will be a shock to the system especially if she couldn't change a lightbulb for herself. The future she thought she had has gone.
I think it is ok to wallow in your own misery for a while - but it sounds like it has become a habit for her. I would suggest she tries counselling -someone qualified who is paid to listen and can offer strategies she is less likely to throw back at them. She is obviously hoping for a reconciliation so these dog meets are setting her back from a clean break.
I would say to her - when you need to talk about your life - I realise it is all still fresh for you but I would like to discuss x with you.

I would say that you are so worried about her and she should see a counsellor and that for her own sake, when you do meet, you should limit talking about the ex for a period of time, fifteen mins for example as you have read that that will help her moving forward etc. It will help her and it will help you!

I did tell my friend who had a similar issue. She didn’t change, I went low contact, she didn’t change so I went nc.

I think 8 months is normal, and yes I think her level of heartbreak is on the more extreme end but I still think these things hit some people harder (I don't want to throw ND around like sweeties but the inability to regulate or stabilise emotions is quite common). But the constant posting on FB is helpful to no one - if she can go cold turkey on that I think that alone would be super helpful.

I guess you need to decide how much you can take of the endless dwelling about him. She probably needs the outlet but these things can also become addictive and it may be just continuing the cycle. I wonder how much she'll listen even if you do say something outright.

Yes, I don't think she's done herself any favours with the pathetic little woman act. Can't abide women like that who set the cause of feminism back about fifty years.

They need the shared custody of the dogs to stop and have a clean break. And unfriend on everything, it isn't helping.

“Linda this isn’t healthy. I really think you need to seek some help”

And help her research therapists.

She's not that aware. My sense is that she doesn't accept that it's over and that by posting about how heartbroken she is she's hoping/believing that he will take pity on her and come back.

And because she's not accepting that it's finished she's not yet ready to start getting over it.

If you're saying that having self-worth means you don't pine, I'm not sure I agree. When you love someone and think that they're loving and caring and decent and love you too, and then they tell you that they don't love you and generally behave in a way that shows them to be the complete opposite, you're going to experience a sense of bereavement and mourning and you'll miss the person you thought you had. That doesn't mean you don't have self-worth.

I do agree, though, that OP's friend seems a bit stuck and possibly past what most people would consider a tolerable level of grief at this point.