Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Too early for a party invitation

63 replies

Mannersmattertoo · 27/01/2025 12:57

Sent 7 weeks before.

It is too far off to RSVP, we have a lot going on. At the same time, I don't want to forget, as I reply even if we cannot make it.
I've never had an invite so early before for a reception party. When is the Mum expecting to be let know by?
The norm is 2-3 weeks before at my dc's school; the longest I've had is 4 weeks. There is no food provided, looks like a room has been hired at a set fee, so it won't be per head.

When to let Mum know by?

OP posts:
MumonabikeE5 · 27/01/2025 13:38

Guess with 7weeks notice they are hoping you’ll prioritise this over events proposed closer to the date, which sounds pretty reasonable.

Isthisexpected · 27/01/2025 13:36

I think in your shoes I would firm up arrangements so I could decline with two weeks' notice rather than mess people about.

poemsandwine · 27/01/2025 13:33

Mannersmattertoo · 27/01/2025 13:05

I'm unable to rspv yet, it is too far off. I have another child who is ND, and don't know I will have child care; other things are going on as well. I wouldn't know until closer to the time. It looks like the whole class has been invited. My dc doesn't play with child, and wants to go, but does to every party. I would be in a position 2/3 weeks before, but given Mum has sent it over 7 weeks in advance, I'm guessing she expects an answer soon. It'll have to be a no otherwise, as I don't let people down.

Edited

Then say no.

Original poster
Mannersmattertoo · 27/01/2025 13:32

InTheRainOnATrain · 27/01/2025 13:29

She’s obviously sent it far in advance in the hope of catching people before they make other plans and to hopefully ensure that most of her DC’s friends can make it. It isn’t a big deal or something to take personally! Just message her something along the lines of ‘party looks great, when do you need to confirm numbers by as DC would love to be there but I won’t know if we can make it work until I get my work shifts 3 weeks before’

That sounds great actually. I'm going to send that now. I didn't want to look like I was waiting for other offers, but the way you've worded it sounds genuine.

OP posts:
InTheRainOnATrain · 27/01/2025 13:29

She’s obviously sent it far in advance in the hope of catching people before they make other plans and to hopefully ensure that most of her DC’s friends can make it. It isn’t a big deal or something to take personally! Just message her something along the lines of ‘party looks great, when do you need to confirm numbers by as DC would love to be there but I won’t know if we can make it work until I get my work shifts 3 weeks before’

Original poster
Mannersmattertoo · 27/01/2025 13:24

CoffeeCueen · 27/01/2025 13:20

I’d message and explain. Birthday invites are becoming like weddings these days - booked miles ahead - and people are narked if they only get 3 weeks notice of a party !

😂I guess you can't win really can you ? I'll reply as soon as I know about work. Definately no other plans to prioritise after as some pp's suggested. That is awful, I would never do that, let a lone to a little kid.
I've put it in my calendar so I'll remember to let Mum know. It's on a Sunday, so hoping no shifts, as they're usually more likely on Saturdays for me.

OP posts:
CoffeeCueen · 27/01/2025 13:20

I’d message and explain. Birthday invites are becoming like weddings these days - booked miles ahead - and people are narked if they only get 3 weeks notice of a party !

Original poster
Mannersmattertoo · 27/01/2025 13:19

Lochroy · 27/01/2025 13:14

If you need childcare for the other DC, what's stopping you arranging that now?

That aside "other stuff going on as well" does rather sound like waiting for a better offer.

If you genuinely mean it, message the mum and say "DC would love to come but I'm dependent on finding childcare for other DC which I won't know about until xx date".

And then if you're better offer comes along you've got an out anyway.

I don't have childcare, I have 3 dcs, one is ND, so not easy to look after. It'll depend if dh is available, or if I have a shift, or vice versa. One of us would need to be at home.

OP posts:
FudgeSundae · 27/01/2025 13:18

Mannersmattertoo · 27/01/2025 13:15

Thank you, party is on 17th March for a little boy having a superheros theme. Is this you? 😂😳
If not, it is good to have a nother perspective. I just know how stressful arranging a party is, and would never let anybody down, but I have a younger dc, and an older dc, and I work shifts!

Show quote history

Haha not me! But yes I just send the invite when I book the soft play. We definitely don’t prioritise kids’ partied and only go if it suits the family and I’d very much expect others to be the same with us. In this case I’ll send a message a week before confirming numbers and siblings and will fully expect a few people to drop out on the day and maybe an extra one or two turn up! You can’t predict life with kids that small.

Original poster
Mannersmattertoo · 27/01/2025 13:15

FudgeSundae · 27/01/2025 13:09

I have just done this - sent an invitation to my DD’a party for mid March. I’m not expecting RSVPs now and won’t do anything with numbers until nearer the time, it’s just to put it on the radar. So if you’re myDD’s classmate, please don’t stress!

Thank you, party is on 17th March for a little boy having a superheros theme. Is this you? 😂😳
If not, it is good to have a nother perspective. I just know how stressful arranging a party is, and would never let anybody down, but I have a younger dc, and an older dc, and I work shifts!

OP posts:
Lochroy · 27/01/2025 13:15

*your

Lochroy · 27/01/2025 13:14

If you need childcare for the other DC, what's stopping you arranging that now?

That aside "other stuff going on as well" does rather sound like waiting for a better offer.

If you genuinely mean it, message the mum and say "DC would love to come but I'm dependent on finding childcare for other DC which I won't know about until xx date".

And then if you're better offer comes along you've got an out anyway.

MotherOfCats25 · 27/01/2025 13:12

Surely your husband can watch your other child?
I don't see the problem id rather know in advance than a week or two before!

owlll · 27/01/2025 13:12

@Mannersmattertoo so you clearly know best... why are you asking?

Pamelaaaaarrr · 27/01/2025 13:12

@Mannersmattertoo Then just decline. You don't sound fussed about it either way.

owlll · 27/01/2025 13:11

I always send early.

I booked my son's hall three months in advance and still didn't get the Saturday I wanted, had to have the Sunday instead. Maybe it's just a busy area!

If people wait to reply because they're waiting for a better offer, I'd rather they declined.

Original poster
Mannersmattertoo · 27/01/2025 13:11

owlll · 27/01/2025 13:07

You're currently free and your child wants to go. So RSVP yes.

If, later down the line, something immovable comes up, you message the mum and explain you can no longer attend. But don't do this the day before or day of the party fgs

Show quote history

I don't let people down, I only say yes if I am 100% sure I can make it, unless some rare emergency happens.

OP posts:
FudgeSundae · 27/01/2025 13:09

I have just done this - sent an invitation to my DD’a party for mid March. I’m not expecting RSVPs now and won’t do anything with numbers until nearer the time, it’s just to put it on the radar. So if you’re myDD’s classmate, please don’t stress!

TickingAlongNicely · 27/01/2025 13:09

owlll · 27/01/2025 13:07

Why do you need both you and your husband for a party?

Show quote history

Because we had two children, and one car.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 27/01/2025 13:08

owlll · 27/01/2025 13:07

Why do you need both you and your husband for a party?

Show quote history

I agree - only one parent is expected to take them

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 27/01/2025 13:08

Why is it too far off? Sounds sensible to me - she wants her child’s friends to be able to make it to their party.

Therefore you invite earlier when they’re more likely to be free.

It’s terribly rude to wait and see if you get a better offer. Does your son not want to go to parties? I always treat children’s parties as a high priority event - especially so in reception when they’re all getting to know each other.

owlll · 27/01/2025 13:07

TickingAlongNicely · 27/01/2025 13:06

I understand as that far out I wouldn't know if we could have made due to DHs work pattern. I would message, explain the situation and ask when they need to know for.

Why do you need both you and your husband for a party?

Sanch1 · 27/01/2025 13:07

If you dont know yet then I would send a message and say that due to other possible commitments you wont know for a few weeks if DC can come and can she please let you know when the latest you can let her know is? Simples.

owlll · 27/01/2025 13:07

Mannersmattertoo · 27/01/2025 13:05

I'm unable to rspv yet, it is too far off. I have another child who is ND, and don't know I will have child care; other things are going on as well. I wouldn't know until closer to the time. It looks like the whole class has been invited. My dc doesn't play with child, and wants to go, but does to every party. I would be in a position 2/3 weeks before, but given Mum has sent it over 7 weeks in advance, I'm guessing she expects an answer soon. It'll have to be a no otherwise, as I don't let people down.

Edited

You're currently free and your child wants to go. So RSVP yes.

If, later down the line, something immovable comes up, you message the mum and explain you can no longer attend. But don't do this the day before or day of the party fgs

TickingAlongNicely · 27/01/2025 13:06

I understand as that far out I wouldn't know if we could have made due to DHs work pattern. I would message, explain the situation and ask when they need to know for.