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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Too early for a party invitation

63 replies

Mannersmattertoo · 27/01/2025 12:57

Sent 7 weeks before.

It is too far off to RSVP, we have a lot going on. At the same time, I don't want to forget, as I reply even if we cannot make it.
I've never had an invite so early before for a reception party. When is the Mum expecting to be let know by?
The norm is 2-3 weeks before at my dc's school; the longest I've had is 4 weeks. There is no food provided, looks like a room has been hired at a set fee, so it won't be per head.

When to let Mum know by?

OP posts:
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HagsRule · 28/01/2025 14:22

Well, we've been invited to a child birthday party in October this year. It's also around the same time as our child's so trying to see when to sort theirs. Not even got my brain out of January yet without thinking about birthday parties in October!!!

onwardsup4 · 28/01/2025 14:19

Somesome · 28/01/2025 12:44

This is wild as someone on the other side (thankfully you're not one of the parents invited to ours as you've said it's for reception). What is going to change if you wait? A better offer? If it's babysitting related then drop the parent a note to say you're just trying to see if you can get babysitting arranged for your other child.

Wild ? 😂

onwardsup4 · 28/01/2025 14:16

People saying just say no then, I doubt very much that's what the organiser would want and it's perfectly fine to ask when do you need to confirm by. It's not a court summons fgs and I'm sure they want as many of the child's friends there as possible.

Original poster
Mannersmattertoo · 28/01/2025 14:10

Bewareofthisonetoo · 28/01/2025 14:09

Just had a party invite for July.
a
Am free that day so accepted -why not just accept or decline?

Click see all😀

OP posts:
Bewareofthisonetoo · 28/01/2025 14:09

Just had a party invite for July.
a
Am free that day so accepted -why not just accept or decline?

Original poster
Mannersmattertoo · 28/01/2025 14:07

Somesome · 28/01/2025 12:44

This is wild as someone on the other side (thankfully you're not one of the parents invited to ours as you've said it's for reception). What is going to change if you wait? A better offer? If it's babysitting related then drop the parent a note to say you're just trying to see if you can get babysitting arranged for your other child.

Please read my posts, which explain my full situation and the fact that the offer thing is completely not the case. If you click on see all, you'll see this. And getting baby sitting for a ND child, and a toddler isn't as easy as you might expect.
Anyway, the issue has already been resolved, thank you for your comments. I gave an update on what I did.

Thanks to all who gave me constructive advice, without jumping to conclusions.

OP posts:
Somesome · 28/01/2025 12:48

Mannersmattertoo · 27/01/2025 13:39

Yes, dh, or I would ask to bring our 2 other dcs to it, but ND dd won't go, even without that it would feel a bit rude. The youngest could go, but definitely not dd.

I was going to say what pp above said about explaining my shift and childcare issues?

Show quote history

Definitely do this. If I got a message like that, I'd offer to try and find space for the siblings.

Somesome · 28/01/2025 12:45

Seaside31 · 28/01/2025 07:49

Personally, I’d always rather they were on the earlier side rather than late. I’d say about 4 weeks before would be the norm here at DCs nursery. Although we have had a few handed out earlier than that and some which I think personally are far too short notice.

DC goes to nursery Wed-Fri and another family with the same day pattern handed out invitations on a Friday for a party on the Tuesday 🫠 so about 4 days notice. Unfortunately, my DC was off when the invitations were given out (they’re left in cubby holes at the coat pegs) so I didn’t see it until I dropped him off on the Wednesday - the day after the party 😬 I sent a message apologising for having been a no-show and explained that DC had been off so we hadn’t received the invite and I received a very harsh reply about how disappointed her DC had been as they had been looking forward to seeing all their friends but only 11 out of 30 turned up 🙄 Given the short notice and the fact it was mid-week, I’m surprised there was even that many tbh!

Agreed and this is exactly why we sent ours out early. People do get booked up early and giving them notice means they can sort childcare etc.

Somesome · 28/01/2025 12:44

This is wild as someone on the other side (thankfully you're not one of the parents invited to ours as you've said it's for reception). What is going to change if you wait? A better offer? If it's babysitting related then drop the parent a note to say you're just trying to see if you can get babysitting arranged for your other child.

Seaside31 · 28/01/2025 07:49

Personally, I’d always rather they were on the earlier side rather than late. I’d say about 4 weeks before would be the norm here at DCs nursery. Although we have had a few handed out earlier than that and some which I think personally are far too short notice.

DC goes to nursery Wed-Fri and another family with the same day pattern handed out invitations on a Friday for a party on the Tuesday 🫠 so about 4 days notice. Unfortunately, my DC was off when the invitations were given out (they’re left in cubby holes at the coat pegs) so I didn’t see it until I dropped him off on the Wednesday - the day after the party 😬 I sent a message apologising for having been a no-show and explained that DC had been off so we hadn’t received the invite and I received a very harsh reply about how disappointed her DC had been as they had been looking forward to seeing all their friends but only 11 out of 30 turned up 🙄 Given the short notice and the fact it was mid-week, I’m surprised there was even that many tbh!

Han86 · 27/01/2025 15:50

I hand out invites early as there are a lot of birthdays around the same time, so hope that I get in on the date 😂

If I receive an early birthday invite if we are free and the child wants to go, then I put it in the diary.

In your situation if you aren't 100% certain depending on how well you know them, I would reply yes, should be fine and in the diary, just need to check husband is free to look after other child.
Also be aware if it's a drop and go party maybe that's what the parent will reply

Alarae · 27/01/2025 15:47

I thought this was about me then and had to count the number of weeks! I sent my DD with her birthday party invites last Friday (24th Jan) with an RSVP date of 7th Feb for a 1 March party.

We put an early RSVP on purely so we can send a note to those who haven't responded in the week after (10-14th) as the third week in Feb is half term and I'm not chasing up stragglers in the week before!

If someone just dropped a message to say they couldn't let me know at the moment due to work (as you did) then that's fine!

Savemefromwetdog · 27/01/2025 15:17

This is the norm at DC’s school

MimiSunshine · 27/01/2025 14:21

We have had some super early invitations. I’ve also sent some out well in advance for various reasons.

if I get one and it’s too early to commit then I reply and say so. If they need firm numbers and can’t wait then I understand but usually people say no problem they just wanted to share the date and will ask again nearer the time.

SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 27/01/2025 14:13

Do you not feel able to ask the host what the date is the cutoff for RSVP? It’s a reasonable question and the date should have been on the invitation really.

Original poster
Mannersmattertoo · 27/01/2025 14:06

Sunshiiine · 27/01/2025 13:56

Personally I’d message her and say thank you, your child would love to come but you can’t give her definitive atm as you need to sort childcare, and what’s the latest you can let her know by?

I've messaged:

"Hi, dd is very excited about your ds's party. Unfortunately I don't get my shift rota until 2 weeks before. When do you need to know for numbers? I'm sorry I cannot let you know now. Thank you for the invite, hope we can go!"

OP posts:
Lochroy · 27/01/2025 13:59

You hadn't mentioned the works shifts before. Of course it's fine to say "sorry I can't confirm until I know my works shifts which will be on 1st March, I hope that's ok?".

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 27/01/2025 13:58

TickingAlongNicely · 27/01/2025 13:09

Because we had two children, and one car.

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I don’t get this - so surely the other parent can stay home, or local, with the other child?

Sunshiiine · 27/01/2025 13:56

Personally I’d message her and say thank you, your child would love to come but you can’t give her definitive atm as you need to sort childcare, and what’s the latest you can let her know by?

BlondeMamaToBe · 27/01/2025 13:55

It could be her first time hosting a child’s school party so she’s being extra organised. She may need to provide numbers for entertainment or food so I don’t know why you’re acting like it’s only a room and no set up required.

Original poster
Mannersmattertoo · 27/01/2025 13:54

Ponderingg · 27/01/2025 13:44

Absolutely say that you’ll let her know as soon as you’ve confirmed childcare for your other kids. Or do you know a classmate’s parent who might take him along?

as far as I’m concerned the earlier the invite goes out the better. If someone sends us an invite 4 weeks before, DD would be very unlikely to be free to go. We book up our diaries very quickly- although both have 9-5 jobs which makes everything easier.

That's a really good idea, dd loves superheroes, and wants to go in her batgirl costume from Halloween.🫣
I don't want to put on to anybody though, and be what MN calls a CF 🤭

OP posts:
Original poster
Mannersmattertoo · 27/01/2025 13:46

MotherOfCats25 · 27/01/2025 13:12

Surely your husband can watch your other child?
I don't see the problem id rather know in advance than a week or two before!

I have 3 dcs, but one dd is nd so can't go. It means if I have shift he would need to stay at home with them.

OP posts:
Ponderingg · 27/01/2025 13:44

Absolutely say that you’ll let her know as soon as you’ve confirmed childcare for your other kids. Or do you know a classmate’s parent who might take him along?

as far as I’m concerned the earlier the invite goes out the better. If someone sends us an invite 4 weeks before, DD would be very unlikely to be free to go. We book up our diaries very quickly- although both have 9-5 jobs which makes everything easier.

Original poster
Mannersmattertoo · 27/01/2025 13:39

Isthisexpected · 27/01/2025 13:36

I think in your shoes I would firm up arrangements so I could decline with two weeks' notice rather than mess people about.

Yes, dh, or I would ask to bring our 2 other dcs to it, but ND dd won't go, even without that it would feel a bit rude. The youngest could go, but definitely not dd.

I was going to say what pp above said about explaining my shift and childcare issues?

OP posts:
Snorlaxo · 27/01/2025 13:39

Just say no if you’re not sure.