AIBU about "friends" gossiping about DD?

This is one of the things that feels very isolating if you’re a parent of a teenager with problems. It feels fine going around sharing that your toddler keeps biting at nursery, but talking about your teenager can feel like breaking their right to privacy, and also leaves you open to judgement from others! But you also want to share things that concern you or are preoccupying you…

Agree that the weirdest bit of this story is two men gossiping about your daughter’s sex life though.

I’m such a secret squirrel that I don’t get over sharing. I’m not surprised they gossiped, you have only yourself to blame.
Have you told dd you have spoken about it? She may get a comment from one of their kids. Men speaking about teens having sex is off, I would never share this with my dh 😳

If your dd is cool about you discussing her sex life with your mates, why are you arsed about everyone else discussing it then?

You're the one who put it out there for public consumption. They are just following your lead.

No one is suggesting she should be ashamed but who wants other people discussing their sex life?

and your 15 year old has a sex life? gosh she's awfully young, nice relationship or not. this is probably why this is being discussed amongst everyone.

Yes and no.

Gossip is a currency used by many, so you cannot realistically expect people to not gossip about you and your DC, though yanbu to hope your friends wouldn't. With this in mind it's wise to be circumspect about who you share sensitive information with, if there is a risk of damage or harm.if it gets out then don't share it.

On the flipside yanbu in wanting to share big parenting topics to get support from your peers as this is how we learn - it takes a village to raise a child and all that! I've benefitted hugely over the years from having open and honest conversations about parenting milestones including when is the right time to allow a bf/gf to stay over, for example. Hearing about how others approach things and any regrets, can help us to avoid pitfalls, but it is important to be able to trust people we are opening our hearts to.

I'd approach the gossiper calmly and just explain what you've heard. It might ve been exaggerated or taken out of context, but it will give you the chance to address it and hopefully stop any further gossiping

Yes, that's pretty revolting.

It will be common knowledge with their other peers in school. Teens will gossip.
I found out one of my teens peers was having a sexual relationship with another classmate when I over heard my teen and their mates talking in a derogatory way about it down the Xbox microphone. I did ask them to stop, as I know the girl they were talking about. But, that’s how I found out.

The only person at fault here is you.

You have gossiped about your dds sex life, when she felt close enough to you to share such personal information, and now you're upset that other people are doing the same thing?

What are you going to do when your dd finds out you've been gossiping about her sex life with your mates?

You massively overstepped by sharing your daughter's intimate information, you know that now, but my god two grown men discussing it between themselves?! That really turns my stomach.

Oh dear, op. What were you thinking? Let this be a lesson and hopefully your dd doesn’t suffer.

Stop discussing your daughter's personal, private information with other people. How cruel and stupid of you.

I agree that you were the first to disclose details about your daughter's sex life. Even if you believed you were speaking in strict confidence, that's a cat let out of a bag irrevocably.

And from threads on here down the years about spousal confidentiality ('If someone tells you something in confidence, do you tell DH?'), some women do feel that their DH 'doesn't count' as breaking a confidence, or feel quite self-righteously about how there should be 'no secrets between husband and wife'.

I've felt like an outlier saying that I wouldn't dream of telling DH something told me in confidence, unless it was something serious involving someone vulnerable at risk and I needed advice about what steps I should take.

It’s disgusting that YOU have been gossiping about your daughter’s private life with your mates

People love to gossip. Whether that's with friends or with husbands/partners etc.

Unfortunately this was a rather juicy piece of gossip that you shared OP. And now it's doing the rounds.

Feel sorry for your daughter tbh. It probably won't be long until she hears about it courtesy of your friends kids!

How did you find out your friends husband gossiped about your DD? Did your friends tell you this? This group sounds very odd - a lot of oversharing.

I can understand someone thinking that if you’ve shared information in a group like that, it’s not something you’re trying to keep private.

It would be different if you’d shared it with one friend and told her to keep it private.

Spot on

You discussed your 15 year old daughter's sex life?

I wouldn't be discussing my child's private life with anyone tbh, friend or not, whether that relates to sexual activity, health issues, diagnosis' or anything else. My children are entitled to the same level of privacy as I expect to have myself.