AIBU about "friends" gossiping about DD?

Yes! What were you thinking?!

Not only have you allowed your daughter to have underage sex, but you thought you would tell your friends about it too,?

Wow. Mother of the decade. No wonder your friends are shocked.

Why would you need advice from your friends seeing as your son already had condoms? 🤔

DADS???

My DH would be 🤢 at someone texting him regarding the sex life of a teenaged lass. Tbh if I heard about 16 year olds (or 15 year olds) in a couple doing it I’d be thinking ‘of course they are?’ I lost mine at 17 and was treated like a leprous nun when at school, it was like a bloody race to get ‘deflowered’ (lol at the term).

Lesson learnt, for all of us. Our children private life is private.
Anyone's private life is private.
We do not talk about it. To anyone.

This type of person tends to be associated with certain type of name calling, despicable one, and I would stir clear of them, by the way.

I have a group of mum friends who share all sorts of things. In the strictest of confidence. It is our safe space, our place to get the best advice and keep ourselves sane through some very challenging times.

Nothing is ever shared with husbands.

So I have some questions:

Why did your friend tell her husband?

And why are 2 adult males discussing your teenage daughter's sexual activity?

This would make me extremely uncomfortable and I would have to confront the couple involved.

Agree.
Anything you tell someone, is no longer a secret, just information.

You have overshared OP, but the other parents are naive to think that their children of the same age aren't having sex as well. At least your daughter is in a relationship, and is able to discuss that with you openly. Who knows what the others are getting up to behind their parents backs. I'd keep schtum from now on.

It’s very off putting to think that you need to add a disclaimer “off the record” when talking about personal stuff with long term friends.

Hey OP - I can so easily see how this level of openness with your pals has developed, but agree with other posters in the need to respect your DD's privacy now she's (almost) an adult. It's one thing to share stories and tales about your toddlers and younger kids, but there's something about teenage-dom that makes me feel more discretion is needed.

I think you need to think carefully about this situation:
firstly you have to look differently on what you share about your daughter in general when she’s at this age however cool she is with certain things, as her parent you have to think double hard about possible consequences.
secondly it seems that this group do pass info further so maybe you need reconsider in general what you share with them. ( by the way I’m surprised that you are surprised)

I only know a couple of women I could trust not to tell their own daughters absolutely everything. I really struggled to believe that but found it confirmed time and time again.

They’re all being shitty and most importantly why are grown men commenting on a young girl’s sex life? Massive weirdos.

I'm sorry OP it's never nice to have your parenting criticised and know that people are gossiping about your child 😕 those men sound like pathetic individuals gossiping about a 15 year old girl. You sound like a sensible and loving parent so I wouldn't pay any mind to their opinions.

Like you say, lesson learned, I wouldn't be sharing private information about your children in future - they have a right to privacy especially as they get older.

To shut this down, I’d send messages to the DH’s.

Please stop discussing my 15 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER’s sex life. It’s very strange behaviour. I didn’t share the information with you, I shared it confidentially with a friend. If you keep discussing this I will seek legal advice.

I honestly don’t think they’ve done anything wrong by sharing something further which you shared quite openly. Unless you specifically said “this stays between us 4”?

Good that you have learned something here OP. My first thought was that you aren’t happy they are gossiping about it…. But you were the one who gossiped to them about it!!

I would be SO mortified if my mum was sharing this info about me with her friends. I also hope to god that it doesn’t get back to your DD that you spread this information. She will never tell you anything again 😳

I think a fair few fifteen year olds have likely had sex- whether the parents want to believe it or not.
Your DD has been open, honest and careful by the sounds of it.

It’s disgusting two men are talking about it though! I think you’ve made it fair game by talking about it yourself. People will gossip about anything!

I can't believe anyone would give out details of their child's intimate relationship to their friends. The friends are most likely going to tell their partner at least, and there's always one who will blab.
It's best to keep it to yourself.

People tend to claim men aren't as gossipy as women, but I have never found that to be true. There is something particularly ick about two adult men discussing a 15 year old girl's sex life though.

But please stop talking about your daughter's private affairs completely no matter who you are talking to. She deserves better.

True, the gossiping is, seemingly, OK if its about ops teenage daughter, but nobody should be gossiping about op because thats unfair.

I have discussed finding condoms in my son's room (wasn't snooping, he had given me permission to give his room a tidy).
I trust my friends - it was one to one, not during an evening out or something.
I wanted their advice on how to ensure he was being safe as this is (as far as I know) his first sexual relationship.

If your dd is cool about you discussing her sex life with your mates, why are you arsed about everyone else discussing it then?

Probably because the OP’s parenting is now being criticised