AIBU about "friends" gossiping about DD?

I feel that I am out of touch and probably unusual in my views about sexual activity in kids.
It seems that many parents are ok with their younger than 16 year olds having sex. I know parents who allow boyfriends to sleep over and in one case found used condoms in girls bedroom, so no doubt about activity.
Am I right in thinking that generally people are relaxed about this?

Maybe what he said was also "said, if not in confidence, but at least in friendly trusting environment".

You can't have it both ways.

You put the information out there indiscreetly so it's going to be shared indiscreetly.

I’m afraid I think you’ve brought this gossip on yourself by oversharing. Of course it’s going to be discussed because it’s quite shocking to most parents.

It’s not the same and to pretend it is comparable is unfair.

1. it wasn't your business to tell.
2. of course parents are going to have mixed opinions on you supporting your daughters underage sexual relationship
3. and of course it was going to be passed on to partners, its "salacious gossip" and a divisive issue.

This sounds like misplaced anger to me.
Your daughter is having underage sex which is not ideal and you are telling your friends!
Then you feel annoyed because they are gossiping about it.
Are you cross with them because you feel you cannot be angry with your daughter?

I always kept condoms in the house in an easily accessible place {Worked for a charity where they were easily available} and said to DS that they were there for him and his friends to use and experiment with - They used to disappear, and the charity said teens practicing with them was not a ''waste'' of condoms.

It is important to speak to young teens about contraception, even if one is not wanting them to be having sex so young.

Mothers of boys need to be as on board with this as mothers of girls.

People can do what they like, and they quite often gossip about people. Even best friends gossip about each other. That's why I don't over share. Private information is between me and my family only. I think you were wrong to share this information about your daughter, with a group of friends. Next time don't share information that isn't yours. To be honest if I heard my friend say that about her 15 year old daughter, I would be talking about her parenting skills too with a friend.

whatever the rights and wrongs of telling these friends, which depending on how good friends they are the support can be invaluable, you need to mention it to the friend whose husband has been gossiping, it's not on and if it was my husband who did that I would be tearing him a new one, and would also then know not to tell him anything.

Gosh I am glad you are not my mum!

Sounds like you wanted to appear to be the “cool mum” who is ok with underage sex etc. it backfired. Now you look far from cool.

You told your mates your daughter is having sex. You've totally betrayed her trust.

My God you really think 15 year olds these days get ‘parental approval’ for having sex 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

I also find it odd your daughter now knows about this matter and is apparently fine with it.

How can she be fine with her mum and a bunch of parents gossiping about her sex life at 15 years old. Regardless of whether she has told friends freely or not.

Either she is lying to you so as not to hurt your feelings, you are lying to yourself and tried to sweep it under carpet or she is too immature to be having a sex life if she doesn't grasp the severity of how you have broken her trust.

Peculiar.

If she's old enough for sex she's old enough for privacy. You shouldn't have shared that information.

I'm not surprised at the 15-year-old. I'm surprised at her mother discussing it and then being upset that it's talked about further.

Probably these friends don't want their children to be having underage sex either, and are worried about their own children thinking it's ok.

It isn't that common, and most parents would be a bit ''eek'' if their sons and daughters were having sex so young with tacit parental approval.

You must live a sheltered life if this is the most ridiculous thing you've heard.

Op you obviously made an error by speaking about this but you know that already. And fwiw when I am with close, trusted friends I've discussed my dc and concerns I've had. It's not over sharing or gossiping. It's looking for reassurance from people who are going through the same things with dc that age. A lapse of judgement perhaps to share quite so much but you've learnt your lesson.

It's really shitty of the other parents to gossip and judge you/your daughter. I'd really be giving them a wide berth to be honest.

I'm a bit of a prude but I'm surprised so many are shocked about a 15 year old with a steady boyfriend having sex, I'd kind of likely assume it really. I'm surprised it's a topic to be discussed in a group and definitely salacious for friends to report home and then one husband to discuss with another. Id be really upset that my lack of judgement has been compounded by friends gossiping. I'd have hoped the people hearing it initially would think its private information and respected that.

Op, what is that odd about two of your group (two Dads) openly discussing the issue? You set the tone by over sharing.

All parents in the group face the same decisions regarding helping their own kids traverse similar milestones.

They should be thinking hard; discussing is healthy.
Forming an opinion that is not the same as yours is fine.

This is possibly the most ridiculous thing i have read on MN ever. Your 16y.o.DD is happy with you discussing her sex life with your friends? Take it you are happy your mum is talking about yours OP 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

How to broach that condoms are not 100% and that they should be using other protection. How best to discuss whether they what to do in the event of unplanned pregnancy, consent issues.

I am a lone parent and it helps me to discuss parenting issues/concerns with my close friends; to listen to their experiences, to help me consider things I might not have thought of, to reassure me.

I confide in my friends over lots of things. They are long standing friends that I trust very much - both in their discretion and their advice/support.

You’re telling your friends about your own daughters sex life and they’re telling their hisbands. I’d be ashamed if you were my mother. This is awful.

I've not read full thread.

But I think you are being unreasonable for discussing your daughters sex life with other adults.

Would you want anyone else discussing your sex life with people who you do not know?

You've broke your daughters trust here and you can't take it back.

If the husbands know then probs the other teens know too.

I think you are 100% in the wrong here.

Try and take this as a learning lesson for you and don't break your daughters trust again.