To think that people who arrive early are as annoying as people who arrive late?

Being early is as rude as being late. 10-15 minutes either way is fine, IMO.

If you're invited to somewhere from 7pm, you're certainly less if not un-welcome before 6.50pm, and putting your host out to a greater or lesser extent. It's quite presumptuous to knock at 6.30pm, unless your guests know that will be ok.

I’ve got a friend coming to stay who’s already arriving a day earlier than we had planned. I’ve told them what time they need to arrive and made it very clear that I won’t be available a minute before. I said if they are early to sit in their car, I’m already so pissed off that they’ve taken it upon themselves to come for an extra night.

I had a friend who'd either turn up early or late. Including the one where he turned up 2 hours early. He lived 5 minutes away so no traffic, trains, etc

I have occasionally turned up early if Im unsure where exactly I'm going. But I'll go for a coffee or something until the agreed time

The rudeness that I referred to is you saying that if people are not ready for you to arrive ten minutes before the agreed time it’s because they’re disorganised.

No, it’s because you’re early.

I. Dont. Arrive. Early.
I just don’t think it’s u reasonable for people to arrive up to 10 mins or so early for an evening at a friend’s house.

The thing is, there are lots of unwritten rules about this:

Going to an Interview or board meeting - 15 minutes early

Catching a bus/train - 10 minutes early

Attending an organised class or activity group - 5 minutes early

Attending school or a work meeting, meeting up with a friend for a walk, joining an online video call - on time

Attending a kids party - on time or 5 minutes late

Attending any kind of function at a friend or family members' house - from a coffee to staying for a few days - 10 minutes late (no-one wants to be interrupted whilst they are doing a last minute wipe of the bathroom whilst brushing their hair).

For me, I tend to be on the on-time / late side.

Given the above, you should also prepare yourself with the requisite refreshments, indoor/outdoor clothing and activities to pass the time and and where needed if indeed you find yourself to be early.

I thought classic etiquette was, if you’re told the start time for a dinner party is 7 for 7:30pm, you should aim to arrive between 7:10 and 7:20pm.

I have an older brother. He married when I was still at school: he and his wife lived about 90 minutes drive away. My parents would always get there early, to allow for traffic etc, but park the car a couple of streets away and wait until the expected time to drive round to their house.

I’ve just been told I’m incredibly rude if I do that, that my friends hate me and must be inviting me for a later time to accommodate my immense rudeness.
Not that I’ve ever said I’m arrive anywhere early, because I don’t’t. I just don’t mind people being early at mine. But I’m very, very rude if I to feel this apparently.

My PIL are getting earlier and earlier. Last time they came, DH invited the "for lunch, from 12 noon".

Arrival time - 9.20am. I was only just out of the shower :( They only live an hour and 20 minutes away.

Again. Where have I said I turn up early?
I dont, unless I ask first if there’s a reason it would be easier. I’ve said I don’t find it rude if people don’t time their arrival at my house t9 the precise second I invited them.

I think that’s really rude to just send someone off with a drink to sit on their own. I’ll prioritize my guest over my own comfort. So because you think you’re too important to wait till the time we’ve agreed I’ll have to leave things that I wanted to do.

I’ve stopped inviting some people in the past because they do this, and with family who I love in spite of this I tell them half an hour later than I actually want them there.

I am chronically early to everything - it’s my ADHD/executive functioning/anxiety. I make a real effort not to inconvenience other people though (so if I was picking a friend up, I might arrive 20 mins early and be happy to wait in my car with a book, but I’d let them know just in case they’re early too).

Recent estimates suggest I waste about 6 hours a week due to my chronic earliness. I wish I wasn’t this way, I honestly do, but it makes me physically uncomfortable to be at home in waiting mode rather than at my destination waiting comfortably.

One of our friends is always late. She won't get transport until after 9am so she can use her free pass.

why the need to be late then? She just has to be upfront and arrange meeting planning to leave after 9am?

Nope. You, however are being very rude.
I’ve never said I arrive anywhere early, for one thing. I’ve said I don’t mind people being up to 10 mins early at my house. And I wouldn’t do a massive strop if they were earlier than that.

@cardibach

Might be a good idea to take on board what others are saying on here. You may see yourself as a very organised person and think it's all fine to turn up early but other people are telling you that it's actually not. And your own friends may think this too but be too polite to tell you.

I am afraid I am an early bird! I am normally the one that holds seats for the others. However . when they do arrive on time I am about to blow a gasket! I just hate being late and using public transport you have to be ready for such things as diversions, late buses, road ups (can never remember what you call them!!) etc etc. I really really hate being late. One of our friends is always late. She won't get transport until after 9am so she can use her free pass.

what does wind me up is the GP receptionists who get really frosty when you arrive on time (2 or 3 minutes before your appointment, so really on time!), but you always wait 20 minutes at least to see a doctor 😂

Agreed. Someone arrived at the venue for my little girls birthday party before us (we were arriving early to set up) because it was little johnnys nap time towards the end of the party and they would be leaving early so she wanted to make sure he had 2 full hours there. Bonkers.

Depends what you mean by early 5/10 minutes fine. 2 hours not fine

being late is rude, but the 10mn delay is most basic manner, it's not "late".

If I ask people to be there at 7, I plan to be home at 7, not at 6:30!

I really dislike lateness, so I always give myself plenty of time to get anywhere, meaning I am always early.

If going to someone house I'd wait in the car until the agreed time, before knocking on the door.

I once gave myself 45 minutes extra before a job interview and got lost searching for the office, only to arrive 10 minutes before time. Conversely I have had people turn up at that same place for an interview 25 minutes late as they couldn't find it!

If I am going to a job interview I'd wait until 10 minutes before the agreed time to go to reception.

If I am meeting friends/date I'd wait until the agreed time, then let them know I'd arrived, if they weren't already there.

I never go so early as to try and force myself on someone else's time.

I used to have a friend who said she found it stressful that I was always on time, as it put pressure on her. No idea what she thought the purpose of agreeing specific times to meet was 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

If you arrive 10 minutes early, there's 50% chance I won't even be in the house anyway, but using that time to pick up a child, give the dog a last walk.

YOU having all the time in the world to faff around doesn't mean the people you are visiting are the same, again, people are busy.

Being early is just rude.

If I had a visitor arriving by public transport, I'd arrange the time by when the bus/train arrived, not half an hour later

I do now, as it happens. I didn’t always. But if I’ve asked people to arrive at 7 I wouldn’t aim to be ready at 7. That’s flustering and chaotic. I’d aim for 6.30. If I didn’t think 6.30 was practical due to work/children/whatever I’d issue the invitation for 7.30.
To me, arriving late is very rude.