To think that people who arrive early are as annoying as people who arrive late?

@strawberrycrumbles

If they are 10 mn early, I translate it as them being useless frankly.
They can't be that important or busy, if they waste time like this.

Or just self-important. There's a lot of men (apologies but it is always men) in my industry who do this all the time. We're a service business and they assume that because they pay us we're just sitting at our desks twiddling our thumbs waiting for them to call and give us something to do. It never crosses their minds we might have other commitments.

@cardibach

Or that they use the tech less than you and aren’t as comfortable with it. The only time I used online calls routinely was during lockdown. I’m not intending to put pressure on, and I’ll take this on board if I have any further calls. Unlikely since I’ve just retired, mind.

Yeah its one thing if this is someone who is obviously unfamiliar with the tech or the routine of using it, such as a retired person or someone who doesn't use this a lot for work. I would cut someone some slack in these circumstances. But this is a CEO of a company in his early 50s so its definitely not that. He's just used to being able to set his own schedule.

I don't see it the same way.

If they are 10 mn early, I translate it as them being useless frankly.
They can't be that important or busy, if they waste time like this.

They drive me insane, but I think it puts them in a position of inferiority, even if they try to pretend to be important.

I’m another chronically early ADHDer. I find it impossible to be late. If I’m expecting a visitor I will be ready an hour before and be on pins until they arrive.
If I’m visiting them I’ll probably wait in the car around the corner.

That’s a massive over reaction to a friend arriving at your house a couple of minutes early. I find it very odd.

@HardenYourHeart

However, to those posters accusing people who arrive a few minutes early of "having poor time management skills". Aren't you projecting just a little bit? I mean how good can your own time management skills be, if you are still running around preparing for guests right up until the minute you expect them to arrive.

I don't so much think its "poor time management", I think its just arrogance. Assuming that your time is more important and the other person's time doesn't merit consideration as long as you are getting convenience.

It's a bit like these discussions about whether its OK to turn up unannounced (there was a thread on this yesterday). It's annoying because it assumes that the time of the person arriving is important and the recipient can work around them. It may not be a deliberate power play but it assumes that other people is disposable.

I was always taught this, but DH wasn't. MIL was so anxious about being late that she was always half an hour early for everything and it has rubbed off on DH and BIL.

I have worked on DH over the years and we now compromise at on time. Unfortunately, BIL still arrives an hour early, even if given an anytime after 12 type invitation. Which surely no one can possibly interpret as turn up at 10 to eleven.

So while I do think it's rude, and inconsiderate of my time, I grit my teeth and remind myself it must be awful to be so conditioned to not being late that you don't realise how much you are pissing people off.

I strongly disagree, esp if someone is looking after your child for you!

Or that they use the tech less than you and aren’t as comfortable with it. The only time I used online calls routinely was during lockdown. I’m not intending to put pressure on, and I’ll take this on board if I have any further calls. Unlikely since I’ve just retired, mind.

Oh god yes people who start Teams meetings early have a special place in hell.

There’s absolutely no need.

The other person then gets bing binged at whilst they’re wrapping up the meeting before, which is off putting!

5 mins is nothing that's just being pinickity!

You think nobody else has a life outside the home?
Im not saying spend 2 hours getting ready. I’m saying I think it’s weird to invite people for a time that you might not be home at all - if you are also aiming at the some arrival something could hold you up. And while people don’t expect food immediately it’s a bit odd to start cooking after they arrived.

A few minutes early won't bother me. I would only hate it if it's more than half an hour early. A few minutes late, doesn't bother me either. More than half an hour, though, and I get annoyed.

However, to those posters accusing people who arrive a few minutes early of "having poor time management skills". Aren't you projecting just a little bit? I mean how good can your own time management skills be, if you are still running around preparing for guests right up until the minute you expect them to arrive.
Aren't you the rude one? It's not just you putting in time and effort. Your guests are also putting in effort to travel to you and to be ready before they leave the house.

Lateness drives me mad. I have to be early, I put it down to anxiety. However, I potter about, sit in the car, browse in a bookshop, whatever, until I am due somewhere.

Oh my exh is like this! He’s always either early or late if he’s picking up or dropping the children. Never on time.

So you have no idea when to be ready!

No, because 10 mins isn’t really early.
And again, it’s not me. I don’t arrive early without checking it’s ok (and I don’t mean a call from the doorstep, I mean in advance). I’m just saying I don’t mind people being early at mine - in fact I prefer it to them being late.

@cardibach

I often dial in a bit early to online things be sure the tech is up and running my end. I have no expectation of being answered early and it’s not a power play at all. You’re over thinking.

I don't think I am: in my industry time is incredibly valuable: people go from call to call to call in sequence throughout the day and if other people are late or early it completely messes everything up and causes knock-on effects for the rest of the schedule. If you don't hold the line on this you won't get to eat or do anything else.

If you join a call early it's very likely that the other person will still be wrapping up an earlier call so it puts pressure on them to dial off when they're not finished.

A minute or so early is fine but if someone routinely calls you ten minutes before the planned time they are basically telling you your time is less important than theirs.

Absolutely do not arrive early. On time or a little bit late is fine with me but do not arrive earlier than stated!

It's not 1950, I don't spend the day in the kitchen getting ready 😂

My house is always warm, what a weird comment.

If I invite you during the week, I work and I have kids, so no, I don't spend 2 hours "getting ready". People don't arrive for diner and expect to seat immediately and have their starter..

If I invite you at the weekend, again, I have kids, and I spend most of my time being a taxi, so it's likely I will be dropping one or picking up another one in that half an hour before I invited you.

My Dad is like this if we ever try to have a family get together.

So I might try to accommodate him but having it the earliest we could possibly be ready for, like 12.30 or something.

“Oh can we just come at 12?” Well no, because that’s basically making the party start at 12 as we won’t be able to use that half hour for preparations, or there’ll be no point when we’re actually ready to receive people.

So I offer - if you’re really worried about traffic come at 11 and help us get ready.

Apparently no good either.

You can’t turn up right in the rush time right before the party actually starts!

My friends tend to be perfectly comfortable with a glass of wine while I, for eg, do the putting of food into serving bowls, so I’m sure they’d manage while I brushed my hair. As I’ve said multiple times though, they’d have to be more than 10 mins early to find me not ready.

Oh, but also arriving early is a movable feast - I've learned since moving to where I am now, that on time is early, and the correct amount is 10-15 mins late (and TBH, you still might be the first person)

And similarly, I adjust my expectations when I've invited people so I don't get annoyed.

For me it’s about being mentally prepared. I won’t be mentally prepared until the time we’ve agreed, I’m afraid.

that's insane 😂

Did they plan to wait in front of the door for more than 2 hours if you were not in?

You plan to be home at the precise time you invited someone? Not getting anything ready, making sure the house is warm, taking your coat off?
Odd.