To think that people who arrive early are as annoying as people who arrive late?

@HardenYourHeart

I was referring to social engagements

OK, fair. Even then it's very context-specific I think. Arriving 5-10 minutes early at a town centre bar for a drinks: absolutely fine. Arriving 5-10 minutes early at the home of an old friend: also fine as long as you're not doing it all the time.

Arriving at a children's birthday party 20 minutes early when you know people will still be setting up: not cool. Arriving half an hour early at the home of people you don't know well: definitely not cool.

Any situation where you know you're likely to be inconveniencing people when they are likely to be on edge and stressed is not a good look. If you arrive early to a party its quite likely people will still be getting changed/putting food out etc. That's OK if its a childhood friend who you see every week, not so much if its a school mum whose house you've never been to before.

It's just common sense.

...should have added - of course you can arrive early -I always do - but the crucial thing is, don't expect to be seen or attended to, or ring someone's doorbell until the appointed time.

I always have a book or some sudokos in my bag and am happy to sit in the car or in a cafe, or just have a walk if the weather's fine, until the agreed time. There's very rarely any excuse for bothering people early.

Why? If you are getting public transport it’s sensible to make sure you can absorb delays. Sitting in reception mentally preparing inconveniences nobody. I agree calling up and making someone deal with you would look bad, but just sitting in a public space?

You really don't understand how it works. Never mind, it'll dawn on you eventually.

I'm happy to allow a margin of 10 to 15 mins either way for a house visit, coffee, going for walk etc.
I don't like it more than half hour early at my house. I have things to do, even if it's just chillin'

I do, yes. You clearly don’t. I responded to someone saying they don’t get home until the time they’ve invited visitors for. I replied saying I thought that was odd.
You’ve waded in taking my comment as…well I don’t really know…a general comment on the thread title maybe? When it’s clearly and visibly (you can see the quote) a response to a particular comment.
You are making yourself look more and more thick I’m afraid. I’d leave it now.

If I've invited people for 7, chances are I won't be here if they arrive at 6.30 or even 6.45. They'd be waiting outside. That's their problem.

An HOUR early? I was thinking people meant 10 mins

I am totally with you, OP. Who are the 20+ percent of people who think arriving early is OK?

The family who arrived early for the children's party (with 2 extra kids) just as the hosts were getting access to set up the hall...because they were bored waiting at home. No words.

Like many pps, I've worked in public-facing jobs where you might get a window of 10 minutes - or less - to gulp down a drink or rush to the loo, only to be approached by someone who (instead of waiting their appointed time) expects to be accommodated early or somehow entertained.

I used to be a Forest School leader and (as you can imagine) there was lot of very physical setting-up and work to be done before the group arrived and between groups. Parents had had a detailed induction meeting and had everything explained to them and were specifically asked NOT to bring children before the appointed meeting time. But they still did! I would rush around after my first group, laying fires etc etc and then go back to my car for 15 mins to gulp down my sandwiches before the next group arrived...and was not happy when cheeky parents would come over to the car and (yes!) knock on the window, smilingly indicating that their child was here! And ready to start! Well - I wasn't, and they needed to go over to the meeting point and wait.

When people arrive early they are robbing the host/the teacher/leader etc etc of very precious personal or preparation time. I know exactly what it's like to have your hand on the loo door and have to abandon hope and go over and deal with an early arrival. There is a special place in hell for such inconsiderate and thoughtless people.

I think this is quite sweet and positive in a school leaver going for their first job. It would come across really differently (and negatively) if it was an experienced candidate.

You don't really understand how an internet forum works, do you?

Yes!! I still remember the story I heard about someone who arrived to an NCT meet up 45 mins early. The host wasn’t dressed and sent her round the block. Then the husband of the one who had to wait properly kicked off about it.

General rule of thumb for me:

If it’s a play date / dinner party at someone’s house. Arrive 5 - 10 mins after agreed time. Never early or at the exact time!

If a kids party. Fine to arrive at the agreed time.

If a party in a bar/work event/wedding. Fine to arrive early.

Some of them were much earlier than that!

I was referring to social engagements.

However, even with clients you can ask them not to be early. I used to work in a store and would open at 9 and not a minute early. We didn't give a damn if people tried the door and glared at us through the glass. The opening times are clearly displayed on the door and then could wait.

I'm still traumatised by a close family member, who I hadn't seen for years, turning up 5 hours early. I'm not sure what looked the biggest mess, me or the house.

I really can't get worked up about this. If people arrive early at my house and I'm not home yet, that's their problem. If I am home and still prepping dinner, then fine, come in have a cup of tea, entertain yourself or give me a hand in the kitchen. If I am home and have finished prepping then great, it means we have more time to catch up.

Not sure what this has to do with you, since I was replying to @strawberrycrumbles who wrote this ”If I ask people to be there at 7, I plan to be home at 7, not at 6:30!”
You aren’t even in the reply chain.
Not reading the context and wading in anyway makes you look thick.

@HardenYourHeart

I think it's rude and arrogant to assume people think like you do. If it bothers you, use you voice. Don't be passive aggressive about it and don't expect others to read your mind.

It's not as simple as that if they're paying clients.

I agree that if a friend did this routinely I'd just have a word. If someone is paying you for your time it's a bit more complicated.

If I'm hosting I actually like it when people are like 30 mins late. More time to get ready/finish tidying. My family usually turn up an hour early which is infuriating, I have stopped opening the door when they arrive that early.

DH fusses about being early all the time, it's so irritating - if he says he wants us to leave the house at 7.30am, he's ready, one foot out the door and chivvying me at 7.15am. If I dare point out that 7.30 was the deadline he'll strop off and sit with the engine running. 🙄

He likes to arrive at shops at right as they open to avoid crowds (I'm all for that), but if it opens at 9am he leaves early enough that we're there by ten to - he even tries the door and stares inside, so I hide in the car.

He had an appointment with somebody at 11am today - he was there at 10am and just went right in.

We're always early for events. I kick my heels as long as I can but he regularly threatens to leave without me lol.

My piano teacher has a specific part in their contract about how students should arrive exactly on time! Because there is nowhere for people to sit and wait. It's funny a couple of people have taken issue with it, but why? Just sit in the car, until it's time to go in. Or have a walk if using public transport. It strikes me as poor time management as you should be able to predict what time you'll be somewhere and take steps to ensure you're there at that time.

Deliberately misunderstanding makes you look thick.

Assuming that your time is more important and the other person's time doesn't merit consideration as long as you are getting convenience.

Over a few minutes? I still think this is projecting. You think your more important than your guests, just because you are hosting and they have to run on some time table other than the one you both agreed on. As you can see from this thread, people have different ideas about arriving early or late, but many posters here keep saying "I thought that everyone knew that".
They clearly don't as people have different ideas and people keep arriving early or late.

I think it's rude and arrogant to assume people think like you do. If it bothers you, use you voice. Don't be passive aggressive about it and don't expect others to read your mind.

Agree, it's rude in either direction if it's more than 5m or there's a good reason and it's out of the norm.

I mean how good can your own time management skills be, if you are still running around preparing for guests right up until the minute you expect them to arrive.

literally good time management skills to do things on time, before the guests arrive. It's not terribly efficient, or realistic, to be ready so early but then wait.