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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask hospital to explain

29 replies

Weddingbells6 · 26/01/2025 23:37

My twins were born by semi elective c section 7 years ago. Twin 2 was breech so I was booked in for a c section 2 days later but they couldn’t hear a heart beat for him after I had my 2nd steroid injection (the standard I think if a baby is being born early - I was 36+5 which I know is good for twins). They tried to send me home but I felt something wasn’t right so I called a different hospital and asked if they would see me but they insisted I went back in and tell the midwife there that I wasn’t happy to just go home (I remember them being a bit shocked that I wasn’t staying to be monitored anyway) I was sent to theatre to have the c section early as it really wasn’t going to make much difference when I was so close to term and the babies were a good size on all scans.

Twin 1 was fine. Twin 2 was not breathing and had to be resuscitated with no cause as far as I am aware) Obviously it was a horrendous time for us, not helped by the fact that he was in NICU for a week and I had to push twin 1 from the maternity ward to the NICU and not once did a doctor come to see me where I was with twin 1 and let me know how twin 2 was! I just had to ask the nurses on duty when I went around there after pushing a heavy weight and being stitched up I was never told what time they did their rounds etc so I missed them lots of times and sometimes I was questioned why I was leaving the ward with twin 2 and it was upsetting having to explain that we were going to NICU to see her brother.

Twin 1 now has a diagnosis of autism. Of course this could be a number of causes but part of me can’t help but think that him not breathing for more than a minute could have caused this. When I read his notes from the hospital (only quite recently as I find it very distressing) it states that the doctor was advised by the midwife to use a smaller oxygen mask but (in the 1st person) they didn’t think it was large enough so switched back to a larger one. To be honest it doesn’t sit right, who is in charge in this situation? Surely to write that means it was an issue and it shouldn’t have been? I can’t help
but feel like they maybe didn’t get it right.

Am I unreasonable to ask them to explain why it wasn’t clear who was in charge and for a doctor to make the best decision they could without being swayed by someone else?

Of course it’s a very sensitive subject so I understand that perhaps I am not viewing this as an outsider would so will happily accept kind responses that disagree.

OP posts:
GildedRage · 27/01/2025 04:37

you mentioned in the op that twin 1 was fine and the recus was for twin 2.
not breathing is associated more with cerebral palsy than autism (which most believe is genetic).
twin 2 ends up being ever so slightly drugged with more anesthetic since he is exposed to the drugs a tiny bit longer while twin 1 is delivered so that is not uncommon. plus being breech (if i have the twins right) he doesn't end up getting his lungs squeezed quite so well as a head down baby which affects the first breaths.
as for the mask size although dr's often trump nurses, nicu nurses might have more experience than a dr assisting at a delivery. often they start recus with a large mask to free flow oxygen towards the face, then if the little one doesn't respond switch to a smaller mask that fits over the face and gives a better seal when actively ventilating the little one.
there is a very well practiced neonatal resuscitation protocol with lots of equipment choices some is personal preference and some is based on the size of the baby.
nothing wrong with requesting a debrief.

Calamitousness · 27/01/2025 04:02

I don’t think your care or your child’s care is the issue. I also had section and unwell baby needing resus and nicu. No, a dr can’t visit you to give updates. They are needed with the patients. Yes, you need to go to nicu post section. My DH used to take me in first day or so then I did it myself. All normal. There is not staff that’s extra to do that for you. Questioning mask size. Again totally normal. Documentation is clearly good in this instance and they’ve recorded the events fully. The problem is why you are revisiting this now 7 years later. You need counselling as you are clearly stuck processing what happened. See your gp for a referral but it will be likely a long wait. Or go privately. But you need some psychological help.

Eenameenadeeka · 27/01/2025 03:51

Firstly im sorry that you experienced this because it's a very hard situation.

NICU is such a hard place to be, and it must have been difficult to have one in and one out but it sounds like you were fortunate that you could bring the other twin over with you- when my son was in NICU there was COVID regulations that meant noone but parents was allowed in which even included twins- I knew of a few families who had only one twin in NICU and they couldn't visit their unwell baby without leaving the other with someone else which I think was so awful. From my experience, the doctors just would not have the time at all to be leaving the NICU to talk to you- they would have called you if there was something urgent but otherwise they don't have the time. I feel like they might also not actually be able to leave the unit unless it's to the delivery room to help a baby there, because if there is an emergency in the unit they need to be there immediately. It was very normal to need to ask the nurses for the most part, although I did attend the doctors rounds too.

Our son was in NICU for a month and while initially I thought I'd want his notes, I realised that it would probably be harmful rather than helpful for me to read them, so I left it.

I'm no expert to know whether the comment on the mask was serious or not but I'm not sure what you would achieve going back over it now? Doctors are "in charge" above midwives.
They had all different sizes of CPAP masks (I still have the little size guide in my baby's memory box) and I don't think it would be that uncommon that they would try a size and then need to swap the size, it might not have actually been a big issue hopefully just something they quickly swapped but doesn't mean baby was without oxygen if they did have a mask it just didn't fit quite right? In fact I remember when my son moved from CPAP to the nasal prongs for his oxygen, she brought out two different sizes to see which fit better so hopefully it was just a situation like that? Different people document at different levels of detail so I'm just guessing here...

I have heard that some hospitals offer the opportunity to debrief so that you can understand what happened in a traumatic birth, I'm not sure if this is an option for you? It's hard to process it all and sometimes things that cause stress might be easily explained to ease your mind.

SlaveToAGoldenRetriever · 26/01/2025 23:40

Honestly OP, what are you going to gain via asking questions like this? What’s done is done and there’s no obvious negligence involved. Personally I think it’s just going to bring the trauma back and upset you further.