Hi. Partner (F35) and I (M41) (together for 10 years) have been going through some relationship issues since May last year. We live together in a house that I own and have a two year old daughter. We got engaged three years ago but haven’t really discussed marriage much since then. Before my partner got pregnant, she would pay me monthly rent and this was the deal for about 6 years, then we stopped this when she was on maternity leave and not working. For context, I have always paid more towards stuff (meals/holidays) as way one point I was earning three times as much as her. You could say that I financially carried the relationship. Last year I started worrying about losing my house if we were to break up an I researched if my partner might have a claim to my property if we were to break up and I stupidly told this to one of ny mates. Unfortunately, my friend’s wife repeated this to my partner. She was really offended as she never suggested she would try to get anything out of me even if we were to break up. Fast forward two months- we did break up briefly when she was still on maternity leave and she asked me to help her (around 10k) with a house deposit (to buy). I said I couldn’t as my savings were for my retirement (I’m self employed). She got angry with me saying that I have been telling her all this time that I was saving for our future but really I don’t care about her or our daughter and the conditions they will live in if they move out. She said she didn’t want rent as this would lack stability for her and my daughter’s future.
We then ended up getting back together (all of this whilst still living together) and now my partner is back at work and earning again so contribution to costs etc. I suggested that instead of contributing towards the household costs, she could just pay for the childcare (£1,000 pcm) and she said she wants to split this down the middle with each one of us paying half and she will also give me money for half the household bills but if I want her to pay anything over that, that will be her contribution towards mortgage. I asked why she wouldn’t just pay for the childcare and she said because it’s not fair that she would be spending such a large sum every month on a non- returnable expense (childcare) whilst I will continue paying off my mortgage. I feel like my mortgage has nothing to do with her and she is being demanding about money that is not hers. Who is unreasonable here, me or her? Thank you.