Money stuff

If he's having second thoughts about the relationship he shouldn't have entered into parenthood.

But surely if they are not married and her name is not on the deeds, then whatever bills she pays towards, doesn’t mean she is entitled to any percentage of the house?

I thought that’s why Mumsnetters are always banging on about ensuring you get married, so that you ARE entitled to some of it and that you can’t just be thrown out. 🤷‍♀️

I mean I can understand that she wants security, and if there was some agreement to come to, then it needs proper legal advice but maybe the relationship is a bit rocky andOP is having second thoughts on that? or the marriage.

Just imagine the if the woman was saying this. I bet the replies would be somewhat different. 🤔

I hope she wins the lottery and leaves you. After all on your upstanding brink plea you wouldn’t want a penny would you OP?

All of these types of posts are written like they should be on reddit or are done by reddit users.

Noticed a big increase lately... Weird.

You are all about you - what a poor decision your partner made when she became pregnant with your child. What a let down you must be. I will never understand why women trust men to do the right thing but she has finally woken up - I’d say you’ve lost her.

This is shocking.

Not important. You bought a child into this world with her which by definition trashed her chances of earning. That child's stability and future should be coming first.
Take a good look at yourself.

Don’t you want your future wife and child to have security too or is all about you? She’s basically like some sort of lodger who puts out. Loving relationships and marriages shouldn’t be like this, so transactional. No wonder she left you.

Youre the bad guy because you’re financially abusive. Youre using a few meals when you earn LOADS more than her to try and demonstrate you’re not a prize abuser

You're a disgrace - shame on you!

You should not be bringing a child into the world when you have no intention of providing any financial security for that child. Did you pay your DP's pension contributions whilst she was on Mat Leave looking after your joint child?

Just because you've not done the right thing in marry her to give her some financial security, doesn't mean you should screw her over financially.

And you're seriously questioning why we're seeing you as the bad guy here?

Your poor DP! She needs to raise her bar and find a real man.

imagine if she changed you surrogacy fees then 24 hour nanny care fees

I know. Rage bait.

Try harder, small angry men.

The problem is you both earn money. You want your money to go to an asset you keep whist you want her money to go towards expenses that once spent leave her with nothing.

Surely you can see the problem here.

How do you propose she gains her own financial security if you are inisting she pays all the bills for general expenses while you continue to build up any assets in your sole name? Especially while she is paying way more than her share of proportional expenditure. If you want to keep the house in your sole name you should pay 100% of all expenses relating to it, and then split the remaining household bills (e.g. food, nursery) proportionally based on % of salary. This would at least give your partner chance to save up some money in her own name, although it's still not ideal. You clearly don't see youselves as a family, despite having a child together.

Half the childcare & you pay the mortgage. She can save "rent" money she would be giving you for her future. You sound like you have already checked out of the relationship

Oh boy, you are going to get toasted here.

Absolutely. She deserves better than this.

They're so low effort now

You're talking shit now. Got to be a troll.

Your mortgage has nothing to do with her? She's had your child! What a catch you are 🙄

Reverse

Please just be straight with us. You will get good advice.

It's perfectly reasonable for everyone to want security and fairness.

I'm not married to my partner and he pays mortgage while I pay childcare.

The crucial difference is that we jointly own the house - I bought in and we had a declaration of trust drawn up to ensure a fair division of assets in case of a split. It doesn't matter who pays which bill now because the legal contract is in place to protect us both. Deposits ringfenced, 50/50 for anything left over after a sale.

Its fair that any equity you built up prior to her moving in remains yours, it's also perfectly reasonable that she has some kind of security and is working towards owning a share fairly.

Right now she has zero legal standing - one argument and she could be made homeless in an instant. That's not a good basis for a relationship, is it?

Talk to her, get your house valued, work out the equity, get a document drawn up stating that it's ringfenced. Then going forward, she can contribute fairly and you are both protected.

Op will not be coming back. What a tw*t

🤔wind up

Mortgage, insurance, maintenance of the house should be all your responsibility.

All other costs - child expenses, food, utilities, holidays should be split proportionally based on your salaries as long as you’re also splitting childcare and household chores.

its quite understandable that she wants some financial security.