To not help the inlaws who have barely accepted me for 29 years

Ditch the ' friend'

YANBU.

YOU can take unpaid leave? Absolute cheek of it.

To quote one of my favourites: They can fuck right off and keep fucking off until they come to a gate with a sign saying "You Can't Fuck Off Past Here" Then they can climb over that gate, dream the impossible dream, and keep fucking off forever.

Keep them blocked. Open a bottle of wine.

You can find the number of a reputable house clearance company / de-clutterer and let the GP sister book them in. Job done.

YANBU and well done to you and your DH for being so level headed and being such a fab team 💪🏻As for your 'friend' I'd tell her not to bother reevaluating the friendship as you've saved her the bother and the decision is she can fuck off to fuckoffsville on a one way ticket.

Stick to your guns. They are not your parents. Dont let their own children make you feel bad for them doing sod all!

why does this shit always get dumped on the woman 🤦🏻‍♀️

I had a similar situation but was SAHP at the time. Horrifically abusive people to me. I looked after DC & our house etc so DH was free to help them. If anyone told me I should be doing the work, especially SIL, my response would have been:

They're your parent, it's your responsibility to take leave from work and help, not mine, so stop telling me what I should be doing and worry about what you should be doing'.

As for the friend, that's just weird. I think perhaps tell them you're sorry they feel that way, but ask why you should take time off from your career & lose money while DH's siblings shouldn't have to.

The irony is, that if they'd been nice to me, like they'd been at the start, I'd have done anything to help them.

You’re not being unreasonable. Stick to your guns and block anyone who thinks differently. You are helping anyway by picking up the slack at home when your DH is over there helping. Fact other partners aren’t helping but judging you, is a joke

I like you OP
A woman with clear boundaries and not afraid to enforce them.
MIL has virtually raised SIL's family while helping them with major house removations and much more. She told me once that when she died I would have to sort everything out because SIL would be "too upset" I told her she would have to manage.

Yes, we are expected to. But if we choose, we can let them expect whatever they like, and still not do it. It's entirely up to us.

If any friend has to reconsider their friendship with me over something similar then I would be telling that friend to gtf.
As do I laws they can all gtf as well, and I'd be telling go th take his own fucking unpaid leave and go and help his folks like a good little boy. CF's all of them. Glad ur hubby is sticking with you. They are getting what they deserve. Karma never misses.

Some people seem to think that all elderly people are sweet little old dears, that should automatically be doted on unconditionally. They forget that some of them could have been absolute arseholes throughout their life, and deserve sod all.
Their chickens have come home to roost where you are concerned. You are absolutely not being unreasonable.

I would just keep batting back, "What does your partner do for them?" every time the siblings say anything.

Having said that, I don't think I could let my husband do it all on his own.

No you're quite right

Fuck them

I feel angry on your behalf!! Bloody cheeky of DH siblings. Absolutely keep doing what you're doing, they have reaped what they sowed.

Good on you girl !!!! And may I add that your DH is a diamond.
I did laugh tho when I read the part about the siblings '' giving you jobs to do"
What sort of jobs would these be...?

Well done OP.
Have nothing to do with his parents and their move.
They are NOTHING to you.

Make it really fxxking easy for that non friend by blocking them.
I wouldn't ever have anything further to do with anyone who would be so presumptuous as to judge me like that.
Complete cheeky fxxker.

They have made it crystal clear they are not your family.
Leave them to your husband.

No. I have had similar issues with my PILs over 26 years and actions have consequences. Picking up the slack for your lovely DH is good because that directly supports him. I'd save your friend the need to reevaluate and let her go.

And what age are the children here? If they are uni students for example, surely they could help their own grandparents out for a weekend or two?

(Del)

Oh also I just thought - if you ask the siblings to pay for a professional decluttering service etc and they say it’s unaffordable, point them to task rabbit - I used the service for something similar and it was much cheaper than I expected. Essentially what I’m saying is don’t let them fob you off with excuses - they need to sort it.

@Topsyturvy78 Yes, that's what I did to get my Dad going as he and my late SM had alot of stuff and he was overwhelmed when he first considered moving. She was great, supplied packing materials and really helped him out. I was happy to pay for the service, it helped us all out.

Your in-laws have three children so the "busy" two could split the cost.

Let them stew. You owe them nothing.

I get the impression that your in laws have been moaning to the siblings about how you could do more.

They are then deflecting their guilt/shame/responsibility on to you.

My MIL is exactly like your in laws. I tell her sweetly that of course I support my husband so that he can do everything he can to support her.

Let people not like you. Entirely up to them. You're doing absolutely the right thing for you. I didn't help my in laws downsize, and I wouldn't expect my husband to be involved in helping with my dad. Other people's opinions are not your problem x

Let me guess... If either of the siblings has a male partner, he is not expected to drop his work to wait on this pair?

YANBU, stick to your guns. And if FIL repeats his query about why you're not there, tell him he's spent the last 29 years acting like he's not that fond of your company, but no doubt his kids will be there for him.