To not help the inlaws who have barely accepted me for 29 years

The only help I would give in your situation is to your husband, especially if his siblings are likely to lean on him. But no you're not a horrid DIL.

So their children are trying to make you, not their child, look after their parents, at your expensive in both money and time? Ha ha ha ha ha ha, YANBU regardless of how you get on with their parents. If i were your friend I'd be telling you to tell them to f off and do THEIR duty. Some people are unbelievable!! Poor you, seriously. Do not feel guilty for a moment!! I'm angry for you!

Not your parents, not your problem, disregarding the fact they have been mean, you have enough to do. Good for your DH supporting you.

Yanbu and your dh is supportive of your decision. His siblings have got a nerve haven’t they? Id only help out if I could see that my dh was struggling- he is clearly going to be doing it all himself. That would be for his benefit though, not theirs.

I'm assuming from your message that neither of the 2 siblings is married/has a partner and they don't have an offspring

If you think you'll get any sort of upside or payout from the inheritance then put in the effort

otherwise they can all go love themselves...

It seems the siblings don't fall far from the tree then. Sounds like your dh is the only nice one amongst them.

I was going to say that it's not your pil you'd be helping but your dh, but if he's happy with the decision then I'd tell his siblings to fuck right off.

I wouldn't help them either. Things have a habit of coming back round on you, as they are finding out now. Well done for standing your ground. And good on your hubby for backing you, and rightly so.

The sibling who lives abroad and has presumably shirked responsibility for years needs to come back and help as does the GP. Their parents have treated you badly for nearly 30 years, there's absolutely no way you should help them.

Please don't go back on it, don't do a thing you are absolutely in the right!

I would cut off those two friends as well.

So you’re fine with the OP being unfairly put upon if it’s done by Labour voters? Or just happy to make the thread about your politics rather than the OP’s question?

This is really not the thread for knee jerk political slogans.

What comes around goes around.....not in my experience, I flogged myself ro death and got written out of the will so no , not really.

What hoes around comes around. I think you're in the right

It's nice to read of a DH supporting his wife in these circumstances. Stick to your guns as he's got your back.

This.

You reap what you sow. Your PILs are now finding this out. So, you're good enough to help them clear out your house, but you weren't good enough for them to be civil and welcoming to you? No. Good for you for having boundaries.

Stick to your guns OP, and if the siblings have a go at you again, get your DH to tell them that since your PIL have always made it clear they never liked you, it would not be appropriate for you to get involved.

The one that lives abroad can use their holidays and come and do it.
the gp has 3 days off a week, I would absolutely not be doing it and your friend does not sound like much of a friend!

You're doing what i wish more women would do, not bending over to be shafted in the name of 'being kind'.

You're supporting your DH to help his parents so you're doing your bit. And tbh, i imagine that even if you did down tools and give them the help his parents and siblings think you should you'd get scant thanks and just more and more demands heaped on you.

Your judgy friend is being a twat.

fuck them

they all sound like Tories

Not a single person would have an issue with this if you were a man. Good on you. Stay out of it completely, and keep on keeping on.

BTW apparently we all need to start decluttering in our mid 40s, in order not to be overwhelmed in later life.

Paperwork going back to the 80s, that's 40 years ago, that's on them. Entitled.

You are most definitely NBU, OP. Good for you for putting your foot down, and great to hear that your DH is supporting you and defending you to his parents and siblings. How ridiculous that the brother thinks you should take unpaid leave to help out his parents! Just unbelievable!

Yanbu and your attitude is sensible, and so is your DH.

The siblings can go spin. They can take a few months off their jobs and deal with it if they wish. Or there are perfectly reasonable professional decluttering services that the ILs can pay for. They cannot commandeer your time.

The friend who is judging you - that's a shame but if her friendship was contingent on you having low self-esteem and ok to be used and abused by the ILs then its probably best to step back from that anyway.

You are keeping your family going and therefore freeing up DHs time to sort the house. There you go. Helping. Done.
Keep the cheeky bastards blocked & it's probably best your judgemental mate jogs on as she's clearly unsupportive.

YANBU in the slightest.