To not help the inlaws who have barely accepted me for 29 years

Remind them that they can always hire someone to downsize the house. There are companies that do this.

Your reasons are completely valid. I’d be re-evaluating any relationship with any “friends” who would try and take the moral high ground and emotionally manipulate you into helping people who have disrespected you and bullied you for three decades. Emotionally support your husband and take care of him. Block anyone else because they don’t have your best interests or wellbeing at heart. These “friends” aren’t your friends.

If you were a man do you think anyone would expect you to take leave or do anything in this situation? support your husband obviously but beyond that it’s not your responsibility. Why do two of your friends think you are unreasonable? What have you said to make them think that?

Most people ditch old car stuff when they get a new one. You file the new V5 and ditch the old one at the same time.

Same with insurance certs for house and cars file the new one bin the old.

Keeping hold of paperwork is venturing into hoarding tendencies. I bet they have tons of pay slips too

Agree with PPs that they absolutely aren’t your issue to sort. Carry on as you are, polite and distant.

DH is unfortunately an only child, his mother has done nothing for him since he was 16. She’s babysat maybe 3 or 4 times since we had DC 10 years ago. She’s very busy working through her bucket list experiences 😂 Over Christmas she overheard me calling one of our neighbours selfish for not using home help or meals on wheels and making her 4 kids do the running about and do elder care. MIL pipes up “so that’s what I can look forward to is it??”. I kind of laughed. What the actual fuck is she expecting of us in future…I’m doing nothing and DH will likely be too busy!!

@Splendud let your friend re evaluate the friendship . Why because she doesn’t like the fact you have respect for yourself aren’t a walk over and have set boundaries. .?
Really? Maybe you should be the one having a think about the friendship

Thankfully you have a proper husband who can stand up to his own family.

This is the present consequence of their treatment of you over the years. If they really are so dreadful to you, it's understandable. I don't know what the relationships are like between you and his siblings on a personal level, but it feels wrong they are bombarding you - why not your DH? I'd refer commands/etc to him.

It is genuinely possible to be abused by all or most of your DH's family, this is defo a thing. And they've been consistently horrible to you. So if you don't want to do it, don't do it. Supported by your DH, which is the dream. Great husband. Well done.

Honestly? I probably would help in this situation.

Do you work 8.00 - 6.30pm every day and have 100+ people reporting in to you?

Are you a trustee for two charities?

Do you have a long term health condition?

Are you picking up all the housework slack at home whilst your husband helps your PIL?

Having read all that you already do firstly I wonder where you'd get the time and energy from to help anyone else let alone your In-laws.

Secondly given how difficult the situation has been between you all these years I'd be very concerned about what I'd get blamed for and it sounds as if you couldn't do right for doing wrong so staying out of their move seems like a smart thing to do.

Rather than taking the line of 'They have been s*tty to me for 29 yrs so I'm not doing anything to help" YANBU by the way, I'm team they reap what they have sown.

Where DH's siblings and your (so called) friend are concerned I'd be going "Cracked Record" of "where do I get the time" "IF I took time off work do you think I could do right for doing wrong in MIL/FIL's eyes?" and "would you sibling/friend set yourself up for blame and condemnation?"

Good Luck however it works out and good on your DH for having your back.

Definitely YANBU and I'm glad your DH is supporting you, so he should.
If I was your DH I would be embarrassed by having such a dysfunctional family, particularly the shameful attitude of his siblings.

The fact your husband understands and supports the decision is all that matters His siblings and your so called friends can fuck off As for the one who is rethinking their relationship with you save them the trouble and cut them out of your life !

Sorry, I missed the bit that said they are involved.

The siblings are only pissed because they are not doing anything. Let the GP take leave, and the one abroad will just have to come home. Deep down they probably agree with you, but they are probably feeling guilty that they are doing nothing. Stick to your guns.

I’d do the same as you OP - don’t let them bully you. Stand your ground and ignore them.

Fair is fair, if your dh is going to give up his inheritance in favour of a foreign sibling and a GP sibling, that no help from you, this is fair. If your husband is going to inherit, your husband has to help.

I’m fuming for you!! You have a demanding full time job stand firm OP, so why can’t GP sibling who works 4 days a week, not crack on and help the parents on those days?!! And why can’t GPs partner help?

Why should you help people who have been nasty to you from day 1?! YANBU.

I downsized my father a couple of years ago from a large 4 bed to a tiny retirement flat. It was hellish; a job more easily done when a LO has died. My brother has been NC for over 15 years so just me. I think you are being very sensible OP.

Help your parents if they still around
and
keep on living your life Good on you.

All the best 💐🌼

YANBU

However you in laws are, you husband's siblings are and you friend is. Ditch the lot of them.

I'm in a similar position.

And I'm doing exactly the same as you. Both my parents have died and I did everything for them, and it was a privilege.

You do the right thing to block.

Wow the worst thing about all this, is your so called friend. I’d block her as well! I cannot believe she doesn’t understand why you feel like this.

my in laws were the same as this, they can’t change things now they need your help. Just ignore them all. I’m so pleased your dh sides with you.

Well they had plenty of time to be nice to you. You reap what you sow.

stick to your guns, the sibs are being totally unreasonable.
I recently helped a family in a similar situation. the daughters did not want to help clear the house as parents argued over every item.... plus work and distance, did not live local. At the time I was still training for my Clinical Hypnotherapy diploma, so while not directly related to my training.... I spent 3 hours a day with them. going through stuff, bin, pack, charity. PLUS discussing items, the process, the benefits to come..... this saved so many family conflicts and I got some fab practice for future clients.
There was such a lot to do, that I got another women in to help as well, took 3 months to do 5 bed house. There was no conflict within the family as I was able to discuss everything with each person and then they could talk things over more calmly too.
im not on here often, but this did call to me.

They’re now facing the consequences of their actions! Fuck em!

The siblings are being CFs, think you should be doing their jobs for them! Also why haven't the in laws sorted themselves out prior to this?! I'd be suggesting the non helping siblings pay for professional help alongside your DH to help downsize and declutter their current stuff