To not help the inlaws who have barely accepted me for 29 years

What the siblings think is of no consequence- they are just looking to their own convenience, and looking to feel less guilty, so trying to hand their guilt to you, they are not your parents.
To be truthful none of their children are responsible for sorting their lives out for them, and all should have talked to them about downsizing years ago.
They could then have done the work themselves, which would have been fairer all round.
Clearly selfishness is a family trait, and you are blessed it skipped your husband.

Perfectly reasonable OP. Don't pick up the rope!!

Yanbu but I suspect alot of long suffering DiLs would help despite this lack of family integration, bc it's what's expected of them.

I think you've done right to stand up for yourself, but I'm not surprised some people are taken aback.

Her husband is helping and OP is picking up more of the load at home to help him. Neither of her husband's siblings or their partners are doing anything to help.

However, OP hasn't mentioned anything about inheriting from her PILs so why have you brought this up? You did this on the in-laws gatecrashing OP's holiday thread as well.

Sounds like you are exactly as involved as the siblings are - difference is, they are not your parents and you have been up front about not doing this work for your ILs. The siblings have quite the brass neck from the sound of it.

I am with you OP, you should not be expected to help. Can't they employ someone? There are people that specialise in helping 'hoarders', surely they would be ideal for the job.

YANBU Your friend has an opinion about something that has absolutely nothing to do with them and is none of their business. Let them fall out of your orbit because they are not truly supportive. Keep taking longer and longer to return their calls and texts until you just stop. Be too busy for drinks or lunch. Let them fall away. Block the inlaws who think you should do extra work because it's not convenient for them and your life is not as important as theirs.

You don't have to explain what you do, or how long you work. It's none of their effing business. They are not entitled to your information nor to express their opinion. Their parents, their responsibility. Those texts and calls are for your husband, not you. Block those numbers.

I can't see how anyone thinks YABU here at all.

As for your 'friend'

The siblings are a brother and sister and their partners aren't helping either.

So why do they expect you to do it ?
I mean, you are helping in that you are losing your dh for the weekend and picking up what he would otherwise be doing at home.

Good to hear about another good egg of a dh on MN though. I know they exist all over, but they don't so often get a mention on MN.

You're not!
Tell them to f**f off.

I’m sorry OP but fuck that, no way would I be helping either. You aren’t a doormat. The siblings can do one and so can the in-laws. DH’s problem and glad he is supporting you. People have some cheek don’t they.

YANBU

Really glad you have a supportive husband.
My jaw almost hit the floor when you replied siblings partners are also doing sweet FA. You’ve made the right choice and the ‘friend’ whose reevaluating sounds frankly odd!

You are not being unreasonable in your decision and it is great that your DH is supporting you in this. GP siblings is talking out of their arse too.

Your in-laws don't sound like they are short of money so why can't they employ someone to help clear out their crap?

I would tell the re-evaluating friend to fuck right off!
you reap what you sew! They have 3 kids let them sort it that’s their job.

I'm with you on this one. They're not your parents. They haven't been particularly warm towards you and you are way too busy with your job and other commitments and the fact that your husband supports you reinfirces that YANBU

They sound like a family of CFs (except your DH) I’d just ignore. I would encourage your DH to outsource much of this, they can pay people to do this stuff, he shouldn’t have to do all this crap for parents who’ve been rubbish to his wife

I think you’re absolutely reasonable.
These elderly PIL ought to have downsized years ago .
Why on earth do they have so much clutter ?!
It is what it is , so the 3 adult children need to sort it all out along with the elderly parents .
You can be supportive to your husband without de cluttering and clearing the parents house .
My sister and myself sorted my mums little place when she needed to go into a care home.
We removed all important documents, jewellery to a safe place in our own homes and photos + whatever mum wanted with her in her room at the care home went with her .
Anothe close relative took a few things that were left behind ( with permission) the rest a house clearance firm removed before the house sale completed .

You’re right. Fuck them.

I know of another couple who have a similar situation, but the problem is when the ML FL pass away how their will will be written up will there son be left out because of you?

No you are Not!
They are giving you shit because they feel guilty they aren’t stepping up. It’s Not your fucking job! They didn’t even like you!
Just block them all.
Why isn’t your husband being bombardec with these messages?? They are his parents. That’s very old school sexist. Emotional labour being placed on a woman to step up to the caring role!
Personally … I would be ‘re evaluating my ‘friendship’ with the judgy twat who’s trying to make you feel guilty about rightly standing your ground. Sounds like she’s part of the patriarchy too.
Well done you!
We need more women like you to change the narrative !

Your contribution is supporting your husband and allowing him the space to help them. You aren’t obliged to do anything more. Block the sil and bil

Aaah, so now they need you.

Treating you like shit all these years has bitten them on the arse, hasn't it.

YANBU, and we'll done for standing up for yourself. You don't need friends that think you should be a doormat.

His siblings could have done more at the time maybe to make his parents see how unfairly they were treating you.

It doesn't matter whether you have a team of a million or sat at home with nothing to do but crochet.

It's not your problem and it's a disgrace and embarrassing that his siblings are trying to foist their own parents into you.

If your husband's sibs won't do their bit they need to pay for decluttering. They can afford it if they have professional jobs and the family home is large.

I cared for both my parents but I wouldn't have offered for my husband's parents. We were both one of four and the relevant children stepped up.
Also get your DH to book a local auction house to come in. They won't be able to take everything.

It does pee me off that women get stuffed with these tasks. If you cared for your own parents then I'd say just that to any criticism. Your friend is being silly. You're not a bad person just a busy one.

But you are helping by supporting your DH
His siblings sound like self important who expect everyone to run around doing their bidding. Sorry to be harsh but I have siblings like this, and one is a part-time GP too.
Feeling for you OP and well done for blocking them.

I admire you , and I like the sound of your husband .
You can ' do your bit ' by supporting your husband at home and taking up a bit of slack there . Well done both .