To not help the inlaws who have barely accepted me for 29 years

You are not being unreasonable at all. Your DH's siblings are cheeky fuckers to expect you to drop everything to care for people who have never accepted you and who have treated you dreadfully. How dare his sibling who is a doctor tell you to take unpaid leave to look after your inlaws as your job isn't important. I'd tell them all to fuck off.

Are the siblings partners helping too?
You are doing the right thing OP.

Your 'so called' friends though, I'd be re-evaluating that relationship!

Re-evalating your friendship! Who does she think she is?

YANBU.

It's amazing how people choose to ignore bad behaviour/abuse over the years. However, when these people can't be bothered to pull their weight, they expect the abused to step up, and think that that's perfectly ok. Don't do it and don't listen to them. As for your FIL, he needs to be reminded of his attitude towards you over the years.

I'm glad your DH is supporting your position. I wouldn't give them the time of day either.

You reap what you sow. YANBU.

Good for you! It's not your circus, not your monkeys.

If the Abroad Sibling and GP Sibling are that bloody bothered, they can pay for a declutter or house clearance company to deal with it all.

Those siblings are shouldering off their responsibilities and with it their own guilt onto you. It's not your job to make them feel better about being useless and neglecting their elderly parents.

You don't owe any of them shit. Good on you for blocking them. Don't give it a second thought.

It sounds like they have enough cash to organise carers, removals, packers etc. Why should you have to do it. Stick to your guns OP. They are not your parents anyway. The siblings need to step up.

The apples haven’t fallen very far from the tree, have they! They sound just as up themselves as their parents! I don’t blame you for blocking them all, but I’ve. no idea why your friend is so judgey. Tell her to go and do some clearing if she’s such a saint!

Good for you.

From what you say your husband has had your back for the past 29 years and still has your back during these new circumstances.

As long as you now have his back and support and enable him to do what he has to do to get them sorted out, that's fine.

Go you! Keep those strong boundaries and leave them all blocked.

And the expectations on the partners of the other siblings are…?

I suspect you are being picked on because you are a) female and b) local. Sod that. And well done to your DH for seeing it.

If your friends are that bothered about the situation maybe they'd like to help!

The siblings are completely out of line. Outside of this do you have a poor relationship with them? It sounds as if they view you the same way as the parents.

Having had to help clear FILs house it's a huge task. You will get the blame if the "wrong" thing is thrown out.

YANBU & glad to hear your DH is supporting you.

Keep "em all blocked!!

Fuck them. They treated you with contempt for decades

I think this is telling you that you need to share a lot less of your life with this particular friend. And YANBU. I'd do the same.

Why aren't these people bothering your husband to step in? You know, since they are HIS parents?

I get that he's been supportive of you in the face of their unfriendliness and hostility. It's good that he doesn't expect you to care for his parents. But will he do it himself? What's his plan? I say this because men often seem oblivious of social expectations that are directed a lot more obviously at women.

Good on you, OP

Your DH's siblings are trying to guilt you so they don't have to put themselves out.

Blocking is a good move!

YANBU. Stick to your guns. It's not your problem and it's good to hear your DH is supporting you.

On a side note I've seen so many older people in complete denial about the ageing process and leaving it so late to downsize that they can't do it without help. I'm really determined not to put myself and my DC in that situation.

YANBU!!
I agree with pp in supporting your DH, even if that means just “being there” for him when he gets back, letting him vent about the endless crap he’ll find in their house.
But f* them in-laws for not accepting you all these years until they need you? Urgh, shitty people.

You are totally in your rights, and if your husband supports you in this as well it's a no-brainer.

Good on you for setting a boundary and sticking to it.

Your friend is a judgemental c**t who needs to mind her own business, as does everyone else who isn't your husband.

Even if they had been lovely in-laws this is not your responsibility @Splendud.

Good on you and what a fab DH you have!

Reply to the GP sibling ‘OR, you could cut your hours and take leave to help YOUR parents?’

Reply to the abroad sibling ‘OR, you could get your arse back home and help YOUR parents’

Reply to your father in law ‘Why on earth do you want me to visit when you eh e always made it clear how much your dislike
me?!’

YANBU and that friend is no loss. I had a friendship of nearly 40 years come to an end because of something they said.

Why should you do any of this and all that matters is your husband supports you. You don't need the families permission.

I’m genuinely infuriated on your behalf. You would be unreasonable if you DID help them after their shitty attitude towards you! Don’t you dare give in. I suggest your husband’s siblings pull their fingers out and assist their darling parents in their time of need.