Failing at life and frozen by it.

You are not at all pathetic. Your partner is.
6 months is a very short time for bereavement.

Oh, you poor thing
That all sounds so very hard.
Might it be worth a word with the GP? If you were depressed, it would make everything seem so much more insurmountable.
I know you already have a lot in your plate, but don't rule it out x

It's your relationship that's holding you back and bogging you down.

End it now & move on.

Burnout. Not a failure on your part at all. In fact the only failing is you've tried to cope too long. Don't underestimate grief, 6 months is nothing. Something has to give here, you're in the best position to say what. You sound very professional, dedicated and high functioning so it might help to consider looking after yourself and improving your MH situation as a project.

I missed you saying pathetic, that's nonsense. You just need a bit of a break.

You are amazing. You are doing a grand job of coping with several enormous issues.

It won't feel like it to you and you might not believe it, no matter how many of us say it, but YOU ARE AMAZING. Working a full-time job and dealing with all the fall-out from your dad's death is huge. You are coping with crazy stuff.

Have you explained at work that your personal life is surging now? If you've been good in the past, your employer will flex for you now. Let them know it's a tricky time.

It doesn't matter when death comes, it's ALWAYS a horrible surprise, even if the deceased is 90+ years old. It still burns. I don't want to consider how devastated I'll be when my father dies. It will be excoriating made all the worse by being in a different country. And despite plenty of advance warning, there are certain things which CAN'T be done ahead of time.

Do turn this all around and think what you would say to a friend who finally unburdened herself. You'd be full of support. And we are full of support for you!

Your friends will, in fact, be kicking themselves that they did not know you were struggling and support you better. (if you had a friend dealing with everything you're carrying, you would be want to know and be thinking what could you do)

I offer, for perspective, not at all in competition, that I dealt with my husband's unexpected death last winter whilst trying to keep up, sort of, at work. It it TOUGH!!!
You are carrying the weight and jobs of several people and you are surviving at all of them.
Call in sick. It's called mental heath. It's called work-life balance; it's called personal need.

A great line I use in absence emails is 'I am not well enough to be in work today'.

Oh my word, massive hugs! With all that going on, you sound like you are doing superbly in the circumstances! First thing - cut yourself some slack and remind yourself you are doing excellently in shit circumstances!

Do you and partner co-own the house, ie how simple, or not, would it be to split up?

Regarding work, I use to-do lists for each day. Anything that doesn't get done that day gets written on the next says list. That way you don't lose anything. It might be delayed, but it's not missed or lost.

6 months is nothing, grief is very personal, there is no defined timeline. Don't compare yourself to your brothers, we all grieve differently.

You do sound burnt out - cut yourself some slack and stop thinking you're pathetic. You are not wonderwoman ! It sounds like you're setting yourself very high standards - work 60 hours a week, work at the weekend, do everything yourself an don't reach out and ask for help ...

It's perfectly okay to stop and say I need a break, some time to rest and reset an I need help.

Things that might help - can you take some time off work? Maybe see the GP and get signed off for a few weeks? Reach out to friends to arrange a coffee and plan some joy into your week - do some things that lift you up and make you feel happier or just help to relax and unwind.

How do you think you would feel if you split up with your partner? Does it give you a sense of relief and peace when you think about him not being around?

OP, you sound exactly like someone who I line manage. I am saying the same here as I would say to her: job wise you’re not failing and it’s just a job. What one thing would you like to tackle which would make things easier? Just one.

Also you’re not pathetic and this is a hell of a year to have had.

Get rid of the partner who neither works nor does anything around the house.

I am so sorry to hear how difficult things are for you. I shan't go into my own experiences or needs, but I will say that sometimes you just (just?) need to take a step back and give yourself some healing time. It may help you to give yourself one thing a day to achieve, not 'sorting' the roofer out, but perhaps putting out some feelers to source someone professional. Perhaps you could also put out some feelers to your friends - perhaps a short text, asking how they are, etc.

I was feeling like this for the past 3 years (even without a recently deceased parent). My job and unrealistic workload was the issue. I finally resigned this year and got a new role and I have been so much happier since.

OL you sound like you are burnt out. You need to stop and get well. Can you downsize? You can't carry the financial burden alone if it requires 60+ hours a week.

YABU to describe yourself as pathetic. It sounds as if you are overwhelmed or burnt out, and I think in your place I might consider getting signed off for a couple of weeks. Then use that time to make progress somewhere (anywhere) and if it’s possible, to rest- properly- not doomscrolling but doing nourishing things like a walk in the woods or a yoga class or some painting- whatever lights you up.

You are dealing with an awful lot. Imagine a friend told you that her life was what yours is- would you tell her she was being pathetic not to know which way to turn first, with so many responsibilities, no support, and grieving a deep loss at the same time?

Not as successful at work but have dealt with similar issues.

Firstly, you're still in the middle of grieving which will make everything harder.

Secondly, my go to way to calm down is to write down all the major issues grouped into the different areas of your life.

Prioritize your job because that's going to keep you afloat. Get things into perspective, if it can wait a few days/weeks make it a lower priority.

See how you can relieve some tension, can you get a friend to give support? Could you speak to work and take a day or two off to organise yourself?

Even just talking it all through with a friend might help a bit.