I have a close friend, who has 2 ds’s, one in primary and the other in nursery. I also have 2 ds’s but mine are a bit older, both in primary.
Since her dc were born she has constantly lamented about how she gets very little help from their families. However , I’ve noticed this is not actually true. I have been to their house on multiple occasions and seen her MIL help unload the dishwasher, her uncle helped them build a home office etc. I used to help her a little but it occurred to me that I was helping her do things that I can’t do myself. Her and her dh always have to do everything together and go everywhere as a family. All appointments for the children, they both go. Last year her youngest dc had to go to A&E, they were worried about sepsis, but it turned out to just be viral. I looked after their oldest dc so they could both take the little one. However, I don’t have the luxury of being able to do this - I’m a single parent, and when my youngest dc fell over last year and cut his head open I had to take them both to hospital. On weekends when I don’t have my children (they go to their dads EOW) I used to go on days out with my friend and her children and help her with them so her dh could get on with building their garden office. Since this garden office has been finished, they don’t invite me out for the day anymore, but it’s been dropped into conversation that they go out with other families. Ironically, I need a garden office built this year but I don’t have a partner to do it for me, I will need to pay someone!
Anyway just providing some background. Now, her oldest dc has to go to hospital this Wednesday for a routine but significant operation. She has asked me if I will look after her ds2 from 6am, take him to nursery for 8am, and pick him up between 4-5pm and look after him until one of them picks him up. Their older DS has to be on the ward by 7am. This is going to be a bit tricky for me… selfishly I don’t want to have to get up for 6am when my own kids don’t wake til 7. I could take her ds2 to nursery but it would mean dragging both my kids out at 7.30am to do this. I could drop him after the school run but I’d have to start work late (I’m supposed to start at 9am). Picking him up between 4-5pm would also be tricky because I’m supposed to be working til 5pm. I could call in favours at work but I feel uncomfortable asking for flexibility when it’s not for my own children.
Again, she is lamenting that no one else will help - but IMO they should divide and conquer? One of them takes the older child to hospital while the other is in charge of the nursery run and if necessary they could join the other parent and child at the hospital after. I am struggling to see their POV because I know having a kid in hospital is very stressful but I just don’t think it’s necessary for both of them to be there unless it’s absolutely essential. But it’s occurred to me that because I’ve been a single parent for so long I am just used to sorting things on my own? AIBU?