Should we accept it and move?

Well the simplest solution is to say no to their money, buy your own house without help( in many years time) and accept that they won't be hands on grandparents because you don't live near them. If you want a different situation then you accept the conditions. Only you can know which one is best in the long term.

I'd also decline 🤷‍♀️ Strings attached to gifted money is never a good idea.

No, not with strings attached. You don’t know what other demands they would make later on.

God no.

Very controlling and unfair to put conditions onto a 'gift'.

What are they like generally??

Oh, and I am retired and would go mad with boredom in north Norfolk.

OP, if your DH will be very unhappy then your parents are potentially causing future problems in your marriage - driving a wedge between you and DH.

That is very bad on their parts and makes me think you have to say no to this.

I'm a parent (my kids are still young) but I would NEVER give a gift that was tied up in this kind of conditions and controlling demands. I just want my kids to be happy. They are behaving very badly.

In your shoes I'd say no and explain why. Say that you would gladly accept some help that was freely given, but you can't take money with strings attached to it.

I wouldn’t accept this money, no.

It's a hard no from me, speaking as a mother of adult kids, and grandparent of kids from 6 to 16.

It's an outrageous imposition to try to control your life choices, and as others have said, where does it end? What if you want to move in two years, or ten? What if your parents become frail and expect high levels of help from you?

Plus, I have news for them, it's not (within reason) proximity that builds strong relationships with grandkids.

It’s a clear no from me too. I helped both my children onto the property ladder but didn’t stipulate where or what they bought. Seems like the thin edge of the wedge for me. As others have said, will they want to go house hunting with you, approve the purchase then tell you how to decorate. Your husband is wise to be cautious.

I wouldn't move to North Norfolk with a young family, where you are there are lots more opportunities for young people and even after they leave school/graduate there's lots of employment and easy commute to London if necessary. It's also very remote and not a huge amount to do and transport links are not great (I have family there)

North Norfolk is pretty dull and I think you'd miss the hustle and bustle of life. Keep saving you'll get there.

That’s mad, North Norfolk is great if you are retired but there’s hardly any work and transport links are rubbish. It’s also a lot more expensive than North Cambs.

Stick to your guns and stay where you are, you are far too young to be living that kind of lifestyle and they are being ridiculously controlling.

Never accept a financial gift that comes with strings attached.

I wouldn't.
If it's a gift with conditions then what's to stop them carrying on?
You have to do x, y, z we gave you £x.
You have to do our shopping, we gave you £x
You have to... because you only have the house because of us...
Would they criticise your spending? Expect a say in how you decorate? Demand the money back in a few years if you don't obey them?

As parents they sound appalling.
But as in-laws they sound like a relationship deal breaker.. personally I’d run a mile from the whole set up.

If you try and push this one through don’t be surprised if your relationship fails and you’re single within 3 years.

I’m not sure, it depends how much the money is, the type of house you could buy compared to where you are now and if it’s a nice area to raise a family. I think now would be an ideal time to switch areas as it’s a lot easier than after you have DC and they go to school.

Hell no

your parents sound bloody sinister

A chunk of money sounds really tempting but I'd say no. UNLESS it's a location I was really keen to move to anyway, in which case see it as a bonus.

If the only reason you'd move there is the money then I'd decline.

And what other conditions - do they have to agree to the house you choose? What if they ask for the money back suddenly?

They didn't need to move if they wanted to be close to theor grandchildren either, that was their choice.

I have a sneaky suspicion that if you accepted, the fact they gave you the money would repeatedly be used as leverage to get their own way in other aspects of your life.

What if you moved there with their money but hated it? Would you be trapped in an area you didn't like, or have to pay them back if you moved?

A gift should be freely given, it's be a no from me.

Nope I wouldn't take the money

No. Never. What if you want to move again? Are they going to throw a strop and ask for it back if it's not within a 10 mile radius?

I wouldn’t go along with that condition, it’s too selfish. If they wanted to help with grandchildren then they would help provide a home for them in a place that both of their parents want to live, or they could move closer themselves. This is all about what they want, not about supporting you and your husband.

They are bribing you to live near them. No way.