Should we accept it and move?

I would see this as a huge red flag .... I would be moving in the opposite direction.

Are they ususally this overbearing, demanding and controlling?

Its really disrespectful to you and your DH..... very self-serving and tee-ing you up to be their carers no doubt.

You will resent them in the long run. For any number of reasons - they’ve ruined careers; made you live somewhere you’re not happy; end up offering no childcare when you actually have children etc etc. you need to live your own life. As tempting as it is, the money should be offered without strings or it is a leash around your neck

You need to put your marraige first
If you aren't both happy to relocate, don't. Keep saving.

No. That would set a nasty flavour for the beginning of your parenthood and your DH may well bear a grudge deep down, even if he is a saint. Don't accept the money unless without strings. Finally, how cheeky!!!

I wouldn't accept. It was their choice to move and this offer is very manipulative with too many strings attached.

I'd accept it in your position.

1. I think its reasonable for your parents to think investing in a local support network is as valuable as travelling to see you further away. Thats how I'd see the money. Yes, there are expectations that you'll be a local support, but that money would otherwise be spent travelling to see you or possibly on professional help.

2. They may be able to help with childcare and that will help you more than your husband simply because employers are often less flexible with men who often think it's not their job anyway. You could have an amenable husband, in an inflexible job. Getting 2/2 is lucky.

If you want to agree to stay because of the principle, make sure you won't bear the brunt of the consequences.

We gave a large sum to our DD and her now husband towards a house to get them on the property ladder with no strings attached. They moved 2 1/2 away. Of course we are a little sad that they’ve but we see them and will see the children when they have them.
Personally I don’t think your parents are being fair and ultimately can you really trust them to see and help with the grandchildren?
Stay where you are.

It might seem okay for young kids - but what about when your children are young teens, being out in the sticks won’t be so great then. What about schools? Activities etc?

No way. Money should be given with no strings, if at all. I doubt this will be the only time it happens.
If you accept this money, then I have no doubt that it will be mentioned time and time again when it suits your parents. Perhaps used to guilt you into things you’re not keen on.
Thats quite the life style change for you as well.
I’d pay your own way and tell them no thanks. Perhaps point out that you won’t be having children until you have sorted yourselves.

Ditto!
You and your husband will end up feeling really resentful and beholden to them if you move to a place that you don't want to

I would accept it, I prefer Norfolk to Cambs on balance and would personally feel the financial benefits would outweigh the negatives. Plus you'll have grandparents nearby for childcare.

Not a chance. If they wanted to be near you they would move near to where you are now surely?
My partner is originally from anglia (not norfolk) and has said countless times how much better it is where were are for families etc.
We have a smaller house than we could have elsewhere because the location is so important (in my opinion).

I would stay where I am and keep saving , any house you buy will never truly be yours as they will be in and out having opinions ie telling you what to do .

Interesting username.

Absolutely not under any circumstances. Money should be given freely. Next thing they will be telling you which house they think is best for you. If they wanted to help get you on the housing ladder they should just gift you the money.

What works area wise for someone in their 60s, if the username is the date of birth doesn't necessarily work for someone in their early 30s.

It may seem like it would be ok to acquiesce now, but what if you accept, move closeby, get offered a great job elsewhere or outgrow the house.
Are you never allowed move!?

Imagine hearing about the gift every time you had a slight disagreement or difference of opinion. Can you live with that?

I love living in Norfolk, but you must be really sure about moving here before you come. Particularly in terms of work. I came for a given job and maintained my pay level with London. Local wage rates are relatively low and it takes quite a long time to get from somewhere like Clay to London to see any friends. Cambridge is far more accessible and has more for children on the whole.

Nope!! They are more likely to be having an eye to help they might need as they get older. If they were so desperate to be near any potential grandchildren they wouldn't have moved so far away. They will try to control you in all sorts of areas of your life

I would stay put and keep saving

Where do you want to buy without their money?

Idd say stick to your plans, as taking money with strings attached could lead to resentment. Would DH be comfortable with the fact that your parents would be enabling you both to purchase your home?

They sound very controlling and I can't believe they think this is reasonable. Plus (and I don't know the SE of England very well) but isn't Cambridge pretty near Norfolk anyway?

This
They are being a little unreasonable tbh. I understand that they want to be able to see their grandchildren but surely Cambridge isn't that far from Norfolk.......not exactly another country

You could always counter offer.

We’ll accept but only on the basis that you’re aware that we’ll give it 2 years to see if we settle. If we don’t like it, we will move again and won’t be able to return the deposit.

If your parents had downsized to somewhere near you the whole scenario would be different.

What they are doing is very manipulative and not at all acceptable. A gift is not a gift when it has so many strings to it.

Just say thank you but we want to stay where we are, and then get on with your lives.

How could you possibly know this?

I didn’t say it was the same situation at all. I said I have conditions I’ll be placing on the money!