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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not be fussed about shaven legs and swimming

311 replies

ArchesOfWisteria · 26/01/2025 15:32

In my mid 40s I have lost the urge to remove body hair much, particularly in winter. If anything I find it’s better for my skin, no rashes or bumps under my arms, less sweating under my arms. Easier with sensitive skin.

I kind of presumed that no one cares that much- I certainly don’t care if other people have a preference to wax completely or not shave at all.

I went swimming with an acquaintance and she seemed shocked, a bit horrified even, at my legs. I stated I am comfortable, made a light joke my husband is supportive. But she brought it up again like it’s a big deal. ‘Especially as you are so fair skinned with black hair’ was her last comment (I am, not particularly super hair, average but with black hair).

Are other women actually bothered about shaving when it comes to others? Do you notice? I don’t in the pool! Obviously we all have our personal preferences for our own bodies, but does this for extend to being in anyway affronted by what another woman does. She stated hers is the typical view, but I may have more ‘European’ standards.

For context, if anyone askes, I’m quite average in most ways. Healthy weight, clean hair and clothing etc.

yanbu- I’m not really that bothered about what others do, as long as I can exercise my own personal freedom without comment

yabu- I think it’s a bit yucky on others and I do judge natural body hair in the pool

OP posts:
Winterskyfall · 26/01/2025 17:14

housemaus · 26/01/2025 17:08

Christ, with friends like this who needs enemies?

Agree completely!

housemaus · 26/01/2025 17:13

Differentstarts · 26/01/2025 17:10

I never said it was essential I said you can't compare women to men

But you're suggesting there's some intrinsic difference between men and women that means that men don't need to remove the body hair that grows on their body naturally, and yet - despite it also growing there on women - it should be removed. And there just isn't - it's not for health reasons, it's not 'natural' to remove it or it wouldn't grow there, it's not a requirement to be a woman. So why would you feel the need to point out to your friend that they hadn't done an entirely optional thing?

StormingNorman · 26/01/2025 17:13

Seeing a woman with hairy legs or hairy pits grosses me out. Sorry. I respect the right to let the hair grow but I don’t like it. I run the razor over quickly every time I shower. It takes a minute or two.

godmum56 · 26/01/2025 17:13

Differentstarts · 26/01/2025 17:07

That's why I said "i" and not women.

so you have to shave and I don't?

2025willbemytime · 26/01/2025 17:12

Differentstarts · 26/01/2025 16:24

Sorry im going to be that person i wouldn't do it and I would say something to the person I'm with, purely because I'd be quite shocked but shaving to me is like brushing your teeth or flushing the toilet it's just something you do

Edited

Well clearly you're not sorry and why the hell do you think you have the right to say anything to someone else about whether they shave or not? Self entitled or what.

Shaving is what SOME people CHOOSE to do. It's not at all like brushing your teeth where not doing so is unpleasant to others.

ArchesOfWisteria · 26/01/2025 17:12

TheFatCatsWhiskers1 · 26/01/2025 17:08

I don’t care about things like this anymore. And I’ve never been able to find a method of hair removal that doesn’t leave the shaved/waxed/epilated/chemically burned area covered in an itchy rash.

I think this is particularly a thing if you have thick dark hair. My hair snaps with cream and just goes brittle, waxing is vicious and shaving short lived and leads to a rash. I have fair fluffy hair on my arms, and if my legs were the same I know it would be pretty easy to deal with in comparison!

I guess to fundamentally sum it up- I don’t hang my self image on hair. It’s not cleaner/ classy or whatever if I just magically shave. I’m still me

OP posts:
K0OLA1D · 26/01/2025 17:11

Differentstarts · 26/01/2025 16:30

Because men don't shave there legs women do. But I'd say something to a man who shaved his legs

Some women do.

I don't. My mum hasn't for years and year and my nan never has.

Oioisavaloy27 · 26/01/2025 17:11

Good on you!! When I go swimming I don't go round looking to see if anyone has shaved!

Tangerinenets · 26/01/2025 17:11

It bothers me for myself but I dint care what others do. I shave my legs etc every other day . I hate the feel of hairy legs. I’m blonde so they aren’t even particularly noticeable. I think in my 40’s I had more confidence not to shave or wear make up every day so regularly but now I’m older I take a lot more time on myself and wear makeup, have my hair done and nails done every day.

Differentstarts · 26/01/2025 17:10

Winterskyfall · 26/01/2025 17:09

You are ridiculously superficial. A lot of women don't wear make up or high heels. And clearly don't shave either. None of that has anything to do with being a woman. Honestly regressive stereotypes these days. 🙄 Wear what you like, do what you like with your hair and make up but don't link that to being essential to be a woman.

I never said it was essential I said you can't compare women to men

ObliviousCoalmine · 26/01/2025 17:10

I don't shave my legs more than about twice a year. I don't care if anyone else does, and there's no way I'd comment on anyone else's body hair.

2025willbemytime · 26/01/2025 17:09

BoldBlueZebra · 26/01/2025 15:56

Honestly do what makes you happy life is just far too short

Rather it's too long to do stuff you don't want to for the sake of strangers..

Winterskyfall · 26/01/2025 17:09

Differentstarts · 26/01/2025 16:43

But you have to understand men and women are different. I wear make up, use tampons, wear dresses and high heels, carry a handbag, birthed 2 children. You can't compare women shaving their legs to men we are not the same.

You are ridiculously superficial. A lot of women don't wear make up or high heels. And clearly don't shave either. None of that has anything to do with being a woman. Honestly regressive stereotypes these days. 🙄 Wear what you like, do what you like with your hair and make up but don't link that to being essential to be a woman.

Differentstarts · 26/01/2025 17:09

housemaus · 26/01/2025 17:08

Christ, with friends like this who needs enemies?

It's how we show love

WhatATimeToBeAlive · 26/01/2025 17:08

I would probably notice, but certainly not say anything, and like other PPs I'd think "good for you". Absolutely personal choice.

housemaus · 26/01/2025 17:08

Differentstarts · 26/01/2025 17:04

Because this is how my friends talk to each other it's the same if one of them had a huge spot I'd say aww you brought your friend

Christ, with friends like this who needs enemies?

TheFatCatsWhiskers1 · 26/01/2025 17:08

I don’t care about things like this anymore. And I’ve never been able to find a method of hair removal that doesn’t leave the shaved/waxed/epilated/chemically burned area covered in an itchy rash.

Pinkelephant66 · 26/01/2025 17:08

I doubt I’d notice legs unless it’s really long black hair…. Armpits I might if it’s long .

I couldn’t give a toss though tbh. A man’s hairy back would more likely make me shudder than a woman’s hairy legs

2025willbemytime · 26/01/2025 17:07

Do what you want but you sound old enough not to need to reference your husband to justify your own decisions.

Differentstarts · 26/01/2025 17:07

godmum56 · 26/01/2025 17:05

You do talk a load of cobblers. I am a woman but have never worn makeup, no longer need tampons, haven't worn dresses or skirts for at least the past 35 years ish, never ever wore high heels, never had kids, rarely carry a handbag. Male swimmers shave or wax to give them extra speed. Male actors shave and wax.

That's why I said "i" and not women.

housemaus · 26/01/2025 17:07

I don't think I'd notice, unless it was to appreciate an unshaven underarm as I think they're nicer (but appreciate it's not any of my business what other women do).

I think it's absolutely fucking nuts and really sad that there are people in the thread who have bought into the idea women should remove their body hair by default so deeply that they would try and bring it up with a friend of theirs. Talk about being an inside agent of the patriarchy.

Fencehedge · 26/01/2025 17:06

Exactly, it's just hair. If she doesn't like it, she doesn't have to look, or do the same as you!

AffIt · 26/01/2025 17:06

In my mid-40s - I shave my lower legs and armpits when I can be bothered in the summer (never in the winter, I'm Scottish and need the extra layer of warmth!).

Very occasionally tidy up my bikini line with depilatory cream, but have never waxed and certainly don't go all out.

In saying that, the very small amount of body hair I have is fair and fine and you'd really have to look quite hard to notice it.

Could not give a single shiny shit what other women do with their body hair, apart from sometimes mentally applauding somebody who has decided to completely forgo the whole hair removal as expected by the patriarchy thing.

Good on them, life is short.

Dollshousedolly · 26/01/2025 17:05

I keep my legs shaved year round.. I don’t care what anyone else thinks or does, but personally I think hairless legs and underarms just looks better.

But certainly, I wouldn’t comment about other people’s preferences, each to their own.

godmum56 · 26/01/2025 17:05

Differentstarts · 26/01/2025 16:43

But you have to understand men and women are different. I wear make up, use tampons, wear dresses and high heels, carry a handbag, birthed 2 children. You can't compare women shaving their legs to men we are not the same.

You do talk a load of cobblers. I am a woman but have never worn makeup, no longer need tampons, haven't worn dresses or skirts for at least the past 35 years ish, never ever wore high heels, never had kids, rarely carry a handbag. Male swimmers shave or wax to give them extra speed. Male actors shave and wax.