Page 7 | To think this shouldn't be said to nursery children

InTheRainOnATrain · 26/01/2025 13:35

Yes but why was the child crying in the first place? Because they’d hurt themselves or because they’d been told off for hitting/biting a friend? If you’re not willing to say what actually happened then why bother posting, because no one can give meaningful replies.

florizel13 · 26/01/2025 13:34

Nespressso · 26/01/2025 13:03

I admit I have said this to my own. I do try and validate as much as I can, but sometimes there comes a point where you’ve done what you can and everyone needs to move on! Not in line with best practice parenting, I’m aware, but I am only human.

It's fine. They need to learn resilience. I feel sorry for parents of young kids these days that they feel they can't say things like this. Unless it's something serious of course!

rainbowstardrops · 26/01/2025 13:30

Tisthedamnseason · 26/01/2025 13:24

Completely depends.

If you've got a child sitting on the floor alone crying, and there's no attempt to work out what's wrong, just "stop crying, you're fine" then obviously that's not ok.

Alternatively, my 2 year old hit my 5 year old the other day. I told her not to hit. She burst into tears. I don't think I said word for word "stop crying, you're fine" but that was absolutely my general gist.

Completely this.
Sometimes, that absolutely wouldn't be ok to say to a child but if the child is whinging and whining, or you know they're fine then absolutely ok!
I remember when I was working in an infant school with a child I didn't really know too well, she was crying and I was trying to pacifier her. One of her classmates said to me that she always cries and cries for nothing.
So it all depends!

Flightsoffancy · 26/01/2025 13:25

Was it your child it was said to?

Tisthedamnseason · 26/01/2025 13:24

Completely depends.

If you've got a child sitting on the floor alone crying, and there's no attempt to work out what's wrong, just "stop crying, you're fine" then obviously that's not ok.

Alternatively, my 2 year old hit my 5 year old the other day. I told her not to hit. She burst into tears. I don't think I said word for word "stop crying, you're fine" but that was absolutely my general gist.

LouH1981 · 26/01/2025 13:24

Stich2 · 26/01/2025 12:57

If they're crying. 'stop crying, you're fine'?

I’m with you, OP.
If they’re crying then clearly they aren’t and certainly don’t feel ‘fine’.
Their circumstances may appear ‘fine’ from an adult perspective but a bit more reassurance / empathy to help calm them down wouldn’t go amiss imo.

Cattery · 26/01/2025 13:21

What alternative are you suggesting? “There, there little Tommy; you have the right to express the fact that you’re upset. Let’s discuss it”. Bloody ridiculous and there’s too much of this namby-pambying

Funderthighs · 26/01/2025 13:19

It’s absolutely fine. Sometimes children need to hear this. It gives them context as to when it’s good to make a fuss and when it’s not. It also helps them to learn when to “move on” from something that’s happened. It helps to make children resilient which is a learning point that a lot of parents seem to be missing.

ChaChaChaChanges · 26/01/2025 13:19

You’re really going to have to give more information if you want any meaningful replies.

Original poster

Stich2 · 26/01/2025 13:19

Sorry, I was quite vague and because I'd have thought comforting a child under 2yo, who is probably tired, wants mummy, overwhelmed, is better than telling them that they are fine, stop crying in a bit of a curt tone

OP posts:

verycloakanddaggers · 26/01/2025 13:18

I agree it is not an acceptable thing to say.

Many people say it, it is often said to children, but it is not a healthy thing to say.

AwaitingFreedom · 26/01/2025 13:16

Can you clarify why it's not okay?

Original poster

Stich2 · 26/01/2025 13:16

This it to children 15 months-under 2 years and said in a bit of a snappy, harsh way

OP posts:

biscuitsandbooks · 26/01/2025 13:14

It depends on the context but generally I can't see an issue with that.

PotteringAlonggotkickedoutandhadtoreregister · 26/01/2025 13:14

I’ve said it to mine on more than one occasion. If you’re fine and there are a whole lot of crocodile tears going on then yes, they do need to stop crying because they are fine.

Boy who cried wolf and all that

Flightsoffancy · 26/01/2025 13:13

Oh God, I'm a nursery teacher and it's posts like this that make me want to give up. Agree that context is important and might have a point (assume you're complaining?) but as a breed, we are generally not unkind, unfeeling people who go around dismissing children's feelings. I've said this to children, but in a supportive, encouraging way, to reassure them. Never just to make them shut up or because I can't be bothered. That's not what we do. Maybe I have misunderstood your post and should have waited for context. In short, my answer to your question is: almost certainly fine, probably a good thing.

Mischance · 26/01/2025 13:12

I have never said this to any of my children, and would not be happy at nursery doing this. There are better and more constructive ways of getting across the same message.

mugglewump · 26/01/2025 13:12

All depends on context. Child crying because they've been told off - it would be ok to say this after confirming that the incident is over and it is time to move on. Child crying because it's not their turn to go on the bike - acceptable. Child crying because they've just been dropped off and want parent - Acceptable after a bit of consolation and distraction. Child crying after falling over - acceptable after adult has given sympathy and checked they are not hurt.

PixieandDelilahsmum · 26/01/2025 13:10

I actually that is cruel. I would say ‘it’s alright.’

takealettermsjones · 26/01/2025 13:09

Really depends on tone and context.

Said curtly to a hurt, upset two year old clutching their head - obviously not ok.

Said kindly to a stropping four year old after other attempts at distraction have failed - ok.

chelseahealyslips · 26/01/2025 13:08

It's fine. They cry sometimes and need to be bought out of that cycle.

Reugny · 26/01/2025 13:07

What's the context?

RobinHeartella · 26/01/2025 13:07

Nursery children include 3-4yo. Yes lots of situations where that's a suitable response.

I wouldn't say it to a child under 2yo.

Itisjustmyopinion · 26/01/2025 13:06

It’s fine and a lot of kids just whine and do need to be told to stop. As others have said context is everything so your vague OP is ridiculous

SoupDragon · 26/01/2025 13:05

It's fine.