Page 4 | To think this shouldn't be said to nursery children

VotingForYourself · 26/01/2025 15:22

Oioisavaloy27 · 26/01/2025 15:20

Children need to learn resilience from a young age. I used to get told to stop crying or I will give you something to cry for!

Why do people keep bringing that phrase up? It's abusive! It's so nasty.

Oioisavaloy27 · 26/01/2025 15:20

Children need to learn resilience from a young age. I used to get told to stop crying or I will give you something to cry for!

Quinlan · 26/01/2025 15:19

It’s fine. Otherwise they’ll be a 6 year old crying whenever they don’t get their own way.

johnd2 · 26/01/2025 15:18

Well it's not said for the child's benefit, but sometimes everyone just wants life to pause for 5 minutes and let them get a breather!
Id have thought nursery staff would have more tools to avoid getting to that stage but they're human after all.
Crying is a healthy enough way to express yourself especially at under 2 years old.

On the other hand if you replace "crying"with"hitting" then yes it's got to be communicated that it's not on even if they aren't quite able to grasp the detail yet.

RawBloomers · 26/01/2025 15:12

From your updates, I don’t think the words are relevant. A kid who is tired and overwhelmed is fine, and being told that and told they should stop crying isn’t going to hurt. But a good environment for them would be one in which they were comforted (which probably should still involve them being reminded they’re fine) not one in which the people who should be caring for them were snappy and unresponsive to their distress.

I expect most kids have been snapped at occasionally in similar situations and no harm done. But if it’s an indication of the nursery environment generally it’s not one I’d want my kids at.

katepilar · 26/01/2025 14:59

hunkysnory · 26/01/2025 14:11

Ex EYP. No it’s not ok. Surprised so many of you are saying it is. It’s not, it’s hugely invalidating. Imagine you were upset, didn’t have the tools to communicate why and someone was telling you you were fine. How frustrating would that be? Would it teach you how to problem solve or acknowledge your own feelings?

I would and always did say, ‘oh John, I can see you are feeling really sad right now. It’s time to come inside and you were having so much fun playing outside. I wonder what we can find to do next’ and redirect instead of dismissing.

OP I wouldn’t be happy with this nursery but from my own experience there’s always at least one staff member repeating this at any one time to a crying child.

Yes, this. I am also surprised.

Livelovebehappy · 26/01/2025 14:50

Stich2 · 26/01/2025 12:57

If they're crying. 'stop crying, you're fine'?

This is why it must be difficult when you are working in a nursery environment to manage children when they may have been parented so differently. You might have one parent who takes the approach that a child crying incessantly over something like not getting their own way should be addressed in this way. Then you might get another parent who thinks their child should never be pulled up on their behaviour, who absolutely won’t be okay with that approach. It’s a mine field for nursery workers, along with teachers I imagine.

littleluncheon · 26/01/2025 14:50

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 26/01/2025 14:48

The ones who think this is okay I hope you don't work with Children

There's a big shortage of nursery staff due to the poor pay and conditions, so we should just be glad anyone is prepared to work in nurseries to be honest.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 26/01/2025 14:48

The ones who think this is okay I hope you don't work with Children

5128gap · 26/01/2025 14:47

Tone is everything. The words themselves, said in a kind and reassuring way are absolutely fine. A snappy and curt tone as per your updates changes things.

Plawp · 26/01/2025 14:46

Cattery · 26/01/2025 13:21

What alternative are you suggesting? “There, there little Tommy; you have the right to express the fact that you’re upset. Let’s discuss it”. Bloody ridiculous and there’s too much of this namby-pambying

What’s ridiculous about that? Letting children cry is developmentally appropriate. My parents ridiculed me for crying and it did not lead to me having good mental health in adulthood.

Honeysuckle19 · 26/01/2025 14:44

No it's definitely NOT ok. If they're crying, then something has upset them or they're hurting or worried about something.

We don't tend to just cry for no reason, so why would we tell a small child to stop crying ??

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 26/01/2025 14:44

Cattery · 26/01/2025 13:21

What alternative are you suggesting? “There, there little Tommy; you have the right to express the fact that you’re upset. Let’s discuss it”. Bloody ridiculous and there’s too much of this namby-pambying

Namby-pambying? They're all under 2 years old FFS. They're not 6ft talk 6ft wide hard case gangsters in Belmarsh!
I think the alternative would be to reassure them and say things like Its Okay Mummy will be here soon. Shall we draw a nice picture for her.
With children it can be a case of constantly reassuring them. If they can't handle crying children they're in the wrong job.

Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 26/01/2025 14:43

I'd get told as a kid. Stop crying or ill give you something to cry about.

It's unnecessary. They aren't fine if they're crying. Even if the reason they are crying has been deemed unimportant by the adult.

VotingForYourself · 26/01/2025 14:40

Reugny · 26/01/2025 14:12

One of the reasons my DD was popular at nursery and her CM's was because if she saw a kid crying, particularly what she called a "baby", she would go over and comfort them. The bonus of this is when she was feeling crappy one of the other kids would do that her.

Oh and her feeling crappy including not wanting to go to CM or nursery just because she didn't want to. (Her nursery didn't accept under 2s so the kids would spend a lot of the time together.)

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No child is popular at nursery

VotingForYourself · 26/01/2025 14:40

If I'm upset I don't want someone telling me to get over it

anniegun · 26/01/2025 14:39

Another one of "those parents" determined to find issue with teachers at every turn.

VotingForYourself · 26/01/2025 14:38

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 26/01/2025 14:37

Our grandparents and parents used to say 'stop crying or I will give you something to cry about'. Didn't do us any harm, no mental health issues with me or any of my schoolfriend ... who, I'm sure had the same message.

That's abusive

Stravaig · 26/01/2025 14:38

If this is an apple/tree scenario, then it was probably a helpful nudge towards emotional regulation and a grounded perspective :)

katepilar · 26/01/2025 14:38

Of course it not ok. If a child is crying, thery are not ok.

VotingForYourself · 26/01/2025 14:38

Iloveyoubut · 26/01/2025 14:31

Because you can’t demand that someone stops crying and it’s not up to you to decide if someone is ok and that they don’t need to cry.

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100%. It paves the way for people having more important things shut down and their feelings invalidated.

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 26/01/2025 14:37

Our grandparents and parents used to say 'stop crying or I will give you something to cry about'. Didn't do us any harm, no mental health issues with me or any of my schoolfriend ... who, I'm sure had the same message.

Namechangey23 · 26/01/2025 14:37

Surely @Stich2 and strawberryjeans are one and the same person? Just in the last few days I've seen there has been a sudden resurgence of posts and reignition of long zombied threads. These are all thinly veiled and along the lines of all nurseries =terrible and woman must stay at home and raise their children and not use any form of paid childcare, lest their children be damaged for life. Now who would have an agenda like that I wonder? The patriarchy? The Daily Mail or some other rotten attempt at 'journalism'?

Fact remains, most children do pretty well in childcare.

blackbird77 · 26/01/2025 14:36

It’s absolutely fine

ToWhitToWhoo · 26/01/2025 14:34

I think it depends on how it's said (reassuring vs angry) and also on why the child is crying,