AIBU to not replace phone

Like the billions before him, I'm sure he'll manage...

The second phone he’s lost. He needs to learn to take better care of his phone. I would buy a secondhand replacement and let him pay for it, but I would make him pay for it before he has the replacement.

He's vulnerable but he's OK to have a smart phone? Sounds like a recipe for disaster. Maybe he should read a book on the bus.... or get him a "stupid phone" with no Internet access.

Can he not use his pocket money to buy the £60 phone, will take him a month an a half. Your DH will be happy as he has payed for it himself and hopefully he will learn his lesson, but will not take to long to achieve.

Sorry I actually agree with his Dad on this, he's lost no one but 2 phones (if it was one I'd give him the benefit of the doubt). He does need to learn to look after it better.

Make him save up for a second hand phone, 5-6 weeks without it won't kill him and he may take better care of the new one if he knows he won't get an immediate replacement if he losses it.

We gave DS, an old smartphone to start with, it wasn't until he hadn't lost it for 2 years did I buy him a new one. With the threat that if he losses it he gets the old one back.

And a bag to vomit into when it makes him travel sick

How has he lost it? Do you not have a tracker on it if it’s a iPhone!

Buy him a book for the bus

OP don’t listen to all the perfect parents on here who think giving them smart phones is the same as giving them drugs. My daughter has an old one of mine and I feel reassured by knowing I can see where she is when she’s out. She can do all sorts of with it- it’s not all disappearing into social media. It’s how they engage with their friends now but she also uses it for games, music, managing her money, puzzles, doing cool stuff with photos.
Having said that I do agree with your OH. He shouldn’t have another smart phone until he can prove her can look after it. Even £60 is too expensive for him to just be careless with it. If he had to save up a couple of months for it it might teach him to take better care of it

Go look at the evidence

Don’t be so ridiculous

I'd get him a phone. But a cheaper one. Put life360 on it so you can track it.

Given it's an iPhone have you tried logging onto icloud.com on the web and using find my phone to track it?

Team Mum here. Negotiate to find a way that works for your DH and get DS a replacement phone.

He's vulnerable??? To be honest, I'm surprised you're asking and your DH is a dick.

Get the child a phone and let his pocket mo ey pay the insurance if you must, but don't let the child go with no phone if he's vulnerable too.

Also nothing wrong with a smart phone at that age.

Get a second hand unlocked phone (CEX, backmarket, etc) and a basic sim only phone deal (Lebara, giffgaff, etc). He can pay out of his pocket money if that’s what you want to do.

Get him a non smart phone and a good book to read on the bus.

Team DH here. Whatever replacement he wants, he can save for it himself, however long that takes.

That's actually what will help him to learn some responsibility.

Nokia feature phone that has WhatsApp and a cheap SIM. Until he saves IP for his own smart phone that he buys outright. He can do additional jobs to earn extra money.

DD and I both have Nokia / HMD smart phones, bought out right £150 each, phones themselves are excellent, her SIM costs me £3.99 a month and mine is £9 a month. More than enough texts, minutes and data for both of us. Nokia prides themselves on sustainability and design he phones so that you can carry out common repairs like screen replacements at home.

Don't get him another contract phone

He is vulnerable-do you mean learning difficulties?

my son is asking for a contract phone and will pay £20 out of his pocket money for it

Do you mean he gets £40 a month and says he will pay half of it if you get him a £20 contract phone?

I think your oh is being really unfair and ott. Your son made a mistake, he's learning the consequences of this and I cannot see why he can't have a refurbished phone for £60 if he pays for it out of his own money, maybe paying you back £10 a week. That seems like a proportional consequence. How will he be able to have his bus pass without a phone? Is your oh happy for him to have no way of contacting you if the bus breaks down, is late etc

Nothing wrong with a 12yo having a smartphone - don't let people make you feel stupid for it. It's normal (well, around here anyway).

At that age I would be buying him a cheap second-hand phone with a cheap simcard in it. And get it insured!

I would get a cheap second hand phone and a sim only deal. My ds gives me his phone whenever he updates and I pay £6 per month which is plenty of minutes and data for me.
Are you sure the phone is lost and not stolen?
My boys were mugged and robbed at knife point more times than I can remember.

Don’t be ashamed of giving him a smartphone. Most kids have one. It is worth him getting used to the responsibility of having something valuable and simply replacing it doesn’t teach him much . So a downgrade feels appropriately punitive to me.

PS my dd uses an app on her phone to pay for things when she’s out - we put money on that account so we can see where she spends it. None of her friends carry cash. He will need a smartphone for that soon unless you want him losing the tenner you gave him for spends on the school trip and so on.

My dd has a zip pocket inside her blazer where her phone stays during school. She lost her phone in y7 but we tracked aand found it. I lost mine too a few months later and tracked it down!

These things happen.