AIBU to not replace phone

Was also going to post this, are you sure it’s not bullying?

Maybe but I don’t think the bullying her son will endure for having a dumb phone is worth it

replace it with something doesn’t have to be the best but phones are for safety you’ll wish he had a phone if he goes out or goes missing

I would get him a cheap second hand one that will do until he has saved up to buy new. I know it's easy to say he has to do without but my DD really would need one for her bus pass etc, and missing out on communication with friends is a big deal at that age.

What about you? Do you have insurance on your house?

I would replace his phone, but with a cheap Android which can be picked up for peanuts.

No 12yr old needs an iPhone.

I thought he was a 12 year old?! He has a house?!

Check YOUR home contents insurance.

No! YOUR home contents insurance.

I claimed for a lost phone on our contents insurance. I had to prove the cost of the phone and then they paid the amount minus our excess. It was enough to get a second hand replacement.
Worth a look at your policy.

My thoughts I would be concerned he was bullied forced to wipe it and hand it over to another child

Trust me, I'm the only parent who does have parental controls on the devices.

Most kids have a smartphone here too, it’s not unusual. My general rule is kids get an old / second hand phone so if it gets lost/ damaged then it’s not such a nightmare. I was really impressed that my fairly scatty eldest kept hold of his first phone (iPhone se) for four years. Although it was held together with love and superglue by the end.

Have you checked you home contents insurance? Sometimes phones are covered on that - ours are, for example.
And you have tried Find My Phone, haven’t you? It can work even with phone switched off.

An iPhone 11 seems excessive for a 12 year old. I’d get him a reconditioned older phone, let him pay you back for it, and insist that he keeps location services switched on. He can get one of those power banks for his birthday to top up the battery when out and about if needed.

I'd help pay for a 2nd hand phone. Secondary school often means a lot of lost things!
But do a SIM card only contract (we pay £10 monthly) and cheap used phone.

@Mumworried1 I've just read your update that your son has ADHD. I am too as is my 20yr old son and I sympathise with him. I've lost or broken countless phones and bloody hate that I do.....but I do!
I lost this one on Tuesday but thankfully a lovely man found it and called my mum (she's 80!) and delivered it to their house. It had fallen out of my pocket and I didn't realise for a few hours.
Three weeks without a phone is harsh for anyone who uses it for life management like I do - alarms/reminders, notes inc shopping lists every day, email, whatsapp family and friend groups, banking, the COGS adhd app, activity tracker, meditations on YouTube, NHS app for my elderly parents' appts and tests, camera to take pics of train timetables or things i want to buy or where I've parked my car in a multi-storey car park!
I think he's learnt his lesson by now.

@Macrodatarefiner were you ever a teenager or have teenagers?
This is life in 2025, smart phones are a necessity to most people, even for my 80yr+ parents!

Agree with @baileys6904
Both my (now adult) children had smart phones from year 6 as they walked to school, daughter went to get her pony in from a field with other horses and they were allowed to go to the local park with friends and we wanted to be in contact with them. They had our iPhones when we upgraded.
Also, we didn't want them to feel left out at school when all their peers had smart phones. They were even used in class in year 7 at grammar school.
Both lost/smashed them and we replaced them or got them fixed at our cost as they didn't do it intentionally and were upset.
We didn't penalise them, just made them understand that they are expensive items and need to be looked after. They both felt bad that we were having to pay for their mistakes. I took them to the shop so they knew how expensive they are. They knew how annoyed we were but we understood that these things happen,
That was enough. Neither of them lost or smashed another phone.
Perhaps I'm more sympathetic as I have lost or broken more phones than my children have!
As soon as they were working, they paid for their own but we did until then. They got upgrades for their birthdays.
We didn't take their pocket money to pay for them. Just like we didn't take their pocket money to pay for their hobbies!
They are both adults now, in good jobs and understand the value of things so I don't think we did wrong.
Your husband is being unreasonable. Fortunately, my (now ex) H and I agreed that their phones were a necessity and unfortunately they do get lost/broken.
Agree with insurance and findmyiphone - I think insurance is about £5 pm so I guess you could deduct that from his pocket money as a 'lesson in responsibility.'

If we had phones when I was in school, mine would have been stolen. How did he lose two phones? Was he careless, or was he bullied?

Edit: I know you've said how he told you they were lost, but are you sure?

I replaced my son's first lost phone and then learnt my lesson and paid for insurance every year.

Pp making a big deal over him losing a phone for the second time, op said the first time was two years ago so when he was ten.

What do you expect!

So who's fault is it really, we're expecting a ten and twelve year old to look after a device worth hundreds of pounds?

Really should have got insurance, not just for loss but theft as well, especially if you live in a city.

DH is being mean. I'm assuming he has never bought anything on credit then?

Also make sure you get insurance