For thinking my boyfriend was flirting or being to nice to my bestfriend

MyLimeGuide · 30/01/2025 19:25

WhoisRebecca · 26/01/2025 08:37

I found the post perfectly understandable. I wouldn’t be at all happy with this and would ditch the friend and the boyfriend. There’s no reason to be touching someone else and their behaviour was odd.

Agreed also. Ignore the haters they are always there!!

spacepies · 30/01/2025 16:51

No offence to anyone but most on this thread sound insecure and jealous of your other halfs.

But it is mumsnet so everything is taken offensive.

Choccyscofffy · 30/01/2025 16:28

I do wonder how people who couldn’t read OP’s post manage anything, really.

OP, YANBU, it sounds like he was flirting. You were right to mention it. He has said he was wrong so watch his behaviour next time, see if he takes your words on board.

As for your friend, I wouldn’t say anything to her, sounds like he was mainly flirting with her.

But keep an eye on the the situation, and if you feel consistently disrespected, dump him.

maddening · 30/01/2025 16:23

He is likely to cheat imo - not necessarily with your friend but with anyone if he is out without you, considering he was openly flirting with your friend in front of you.

She is either a shit friend or has shit self esteem if she is happy to openly flirt with her best friend's boyfriend.

74Violette · 30/01/2025 16:05

If a guy was touching my knee a lot, I would assume he was hitting on me. So yep it's a flirt signal certainly, if I'm flirting I touch a lot more.

Your boyfriend was out of order, I would keep an eye on the pair of them and see if he takes your feelings on board next time. You probably don't want to finish things if it's otherwise a good relationship but you've made your feelings known now and that's a good thing. See if things improve.

BobbyBiscuits · 30/01/2025 12:49

It seems obvious he does find her attractive. But touching her knee etc right in front of you? Unless they were already friends for years and were platonic but tactile generally, but she's not even his friend? Yeah. I'd be pissed off. Not with her as it's not her fault she's pretty.
Just try and not see them together. I guess you'll find out if he's making contact with her behind your back? Surely she'd tell you if she's a loyal friend.

1989whome · 30/01/2025 12:44

I have seen this play out in real life. At a wedding, a couple there together and a girl who came as someone's plus one, who did know the couple. took a shine to the man and she was draped all over him, it was so cringe to see. The partner of this man had a problem with it (understandable) so told her so. Then somehow she became the bad person for telling them it upset her! Bollocks to that! It's disrespectful and demeaning to you. Especially that this woman is your best friend! You are right to call them on their shitty behavior. It's obviously your call what you do next. Do you drop your best friend and boyfriend over one drunken flirty time? It depends wether you can forgive it or not.

nellythe · 30/01/2025 10:33

Russiandollsaresofullofthemselves · 30/01/2025 08:45

I think it’s obvious it’s written by someone using EASL but it is perfectly understandable and you are just being rude.

Show quote history

I’ve googled EASL and it says European Association for the Study of the Liver?
I guess what you’re trying to dig at is me saying I struggled to understand it when the OP later said English was a second language. Clearly, what I struggled with was the huge block of text and all the abbreviations used/lack of grammar. Plenty of posters post on here in a second language and are very legible. It’s telling you haven’t commented in your post on the actual OP but just trying to cause issue 🙄

heroinechic · 30/01/2025 10:22

I would expect my DH to walk my best friend to the bus stop if it was late and dark. I wouldn't think I needed to go with them under normal circumstances.

I wouldn't like it if my DH was touching her legs and tbh I'd be calling her to say that I'd noticed he'd been touching her and I hope she wasn't made to feel uncomfortable in our home!

Imbusytodaysorry · 30/01/2025 10:21

I’d dump him and have it out with my “friend”

Mumlaplomb · 30/01/2025 10:10

Trust your gut OP. If you’ve not had trust issues before and this is the first time you’ve been concerned then it is likely they were crossing the line into flirting and you picked up on that and it made you uncomfortable.
I dumped someone once early into dating who was all over another woman when we were out together, you should never feel like a third wheel with your boyfriend and another woman.

Littlemisslaughalot · 30/01/2025 09:34

I think this sounds like an insecurity issue and I'm not sure it's really about your friend. She's tall, pretty, slim, friendly.......that does not mean she would behave inappropriately with a friend's partner. I think you have issues with insecurity and trust. If you think your friend would actually steal your boyfriend, why is she your friend? If you think your boyfriend would cheat on you with your friend, why is he your boyfriend.
Deal with your issues or there will always be that friend you are worried about. It's difficult because you can't help feeling this way. Maybe counselling would help?
On the off chance your friend and boyfriend were behaving inappropriately, tell them both you saw and you're not happy and they need to stop. Any issues with that and I'd be reconsidering your relationship with both.
It's really hard to say without seeing it and knowing the people involved. It's just the way you talk about your friend makes me think you don't think very much of yourself. 🥰

Harry12345 · 30/01/2025 09:29

Trust your gut

Russiandollsaresofullofthemselves · 30/01/2025 08:45

nellythe · 26/01/2025 08:29

So he touched her knee whilst talking? Depending on the context it’s very hard to say. If I’m honest, your post is nigh on impossible to read.

I think it’s obvious it’s written by someone using EASL but it is perfectly understandable and you are just being rude.

meh2025 · 29/01/2025 05:38

Linni97 · 26/01/2025 08:08

been togheter 3 years.
I don’t mind my boyfriend being nice to my friends i don’t want him to be rude to them ofc. But i think it slipped for me last night when me, him and my bestfriend and another friend of mine celebrated my friends bday. At my friends place.
My friends and bestfriend know my bf trough me.
Anyways. My bestfriend is suuuuper pretty and 101% my guy friends fall for her, i don’t blame them and they give her lots of attention and she is used to it she is not the girl that want a relationship lol. Shes tall, slim, shy, blonde hair and have a very pretty face. But tought my boyfriend would be different. I may be wrong. But i got very mad and uncomfy by him giving small touches at her knees and randoms time when we where hanging at my boyfriends place, and my friend being touchy and getting closer while talking to him at the bar. I think she was drunker than she normaly gets. But i also reacted a bit at the end when we went to my boyfriends place bcs the bus was late (her bus). Then those two where getting really comfy and my boyfriend didn’t Even ask if i wanted to take follow with them to take her to the buss stop afterwards.. she didnt even said anything to me either.. not even a bye or if i wanted to join like wtf.. i never seen her that comfy around my bf before im not sure if i overeacted, but me and him ended up in a small fight after that.. where i told him he was being a bit to touchy with her and he denied.. and was telling me i was being over dramatic.. but i so what i so! I would never be touchy with his friends! Never! nor my friend if she had a bf! I find that disrespectful! Drunk or not! It felt like he was focusing more on her than including me on their conversation.. he calmed down after wards and he said he feelt like an ass for making me feel that way. He said he tought he was being a nice host.. That he was very sorry.. espesially when i asked him if he would like that if i did it to his friends what he was doing to my friend.. idk.. should i talk to my friend to? I think for now the best is to keep distance between them. I don’t think its my bfs job to protect my friend or at least include me! I told him. Like yea ya all can talk but do ya really need to touch each other to do that?! Don’t think so! I know if my mom was there she would 100% told me to drop bothXD

So he sleazed on your pal in front of you and gaslighted you about it afterwards.

He will continue with and escalate this sort of behaviour, up to you if you're willing to put up with it.

MsDogLady · 29/01/2025 05:25

Yea introduce them but don’t let en get too close or hang out in group with few people to often.

You shouldn’t have to put distance between your BF and your friends, @Linni97. It’s a sad state of affairs when you have to monitor him for fear that he will drool and get touchy-feely with them. He was acting like a single guy … like they were on a date. Your Friend was not behaving like a friend. She too was being handsy, and when he was repeatedly touching her knee, she didn’t pull away.

Be careful, @Linni97.

Original poster

Linni97 · 27/01/2025 21:43

@MsDogLady i did tell him that this is his last chance. If it was just a relationship of just month i prob break up right away but we been togheter for 3 years where i did find a place to think and tell myself, lets see if he really loves me enough to make up for it and calm down his friendliness. But me accepting his applogy dosn’t mean im 100 happy right away with his actions and he sure knows it. Also for my friend, i did told her why she didn’t tell me? She said she tought that i also was going since the bus was right around the corner. But i also told her that it felt like she was a bit handsy than usual. Shes not like this otherwise but it isn’t an excuse for her behaviour anyways. I think she got a bit out of her normally comfort zone with my bf. I told him next time he makes me feel this way i won’t even bother and leave. This is not what i wanted by introdusing my friends with my boyfriend. But i guess i learend my lesson right there lol. Yea introduce them but don’t let en get to close or hang out in group with few people to often

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MsDogLady · 27/01/2025 14:21

MrTiddlesTheCat · 27/01/2025 12:45

The answer isn't keeping them at a distance for a long time. The answer is being with someone who doesn't pull this shit.

I agree with @MrTiddlesTheCat.

@Linni97, after their sickening display, why would you keep either one of them in your life? They were acting like they were the couple and you were the gooseberry.

Your getting the ick was the appropriate reaction to their dogs-in-heat behavior and deep disrespect toward you. Bin both of them.

MrTiddlesTheCat · 27/01/2025 12:45

The answer isn't keeping them at a distance for a long time. The answer is being with someone who doesn't pull this shit.

Original poster

Linni97 · 27/01/2025 11:58

@Onlycoffee
we live in norway but its not quite the thing here. I did tell him he has to make up for me, after making me feel like a shitty thirdwheel. I know most guys act like dogs in heat around her but i really didn’t want him to be one of those and yea i told him that to lol since i kinda snapped at him first. Bcs he also knows our other friends and random guys act like that around her to. So my tought for now is keeping them at distance for a loooong time for now lol unless there is a special occasion.

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Onlycoffee · 27/01/2025 11:16

Why are people so rude on here? If you don't have anything nice to say, why even comment?

Op, I am in awe of anyone who can speak more than one language!
As for your problem, is your bf a European nationality where being physical is culturally acceptable especially for men?
Not that I would like that or excuse it at all, but it would determine if I could give my bf a second chance once I'd explained how it made me feel.

MrTiddlesTheCat · 27/01/2025 11:04

You now know that you can't trust either of them. Time to dump and move on.

Original poster

Linni97 · 27/01/2025 10:46

Why not? She is not his friend i am.. at least where she asks. My bf don’t need to run errands to protect her or idk to the buss. She is not his girlfriend. I would ask my partner if it was me or ask my friend if it was in that position to come aswell. @TaggieO

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Original poster

Linni97 · 27/01/2025 06:43

@Lampzade oh i know he would! and you right i can’t always seperate, there are charming girls everywhere just as guys, but i know how to respect and keep cool. And i do expect him to act better on it drunken or not. But he will see less of her now unless its a nice outgoing without alcohol involved. They don’t need to have a friendship. Both gave me an ick honestly, even hanging one on one with her would made me annoyed now.

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Original poster

Linni97 · 27/01/2025 06:19

@MsDogLady i was drunk to but not dumb. I also told him he had 0 reason to be upset. He knows better so does my friend. I don’t think my friend is into him im pretty sure, but it was also shitty of her to act like that. So i didn’t put all blame on my bf but her aswell since she supposed to be my «bestie» she is not a random girl that flirted with him.’. At the start they never where like this. And i wish it never went like this. He was also calling her his friend, but i told him no she is my friend! And she should have asked me to, not just go along with him. Idc how drunk they where. But they messed up. I told my bf this is his last chance to prove he can act better next time yeaaa bye boy! But i needed some time, For my friend.. i knew her way longer than my bf.. im dissapointed, so i think im going to distance my self a bit. Also she had barely asked to meet up after im being the one always asking for now. I do want my partner to get along with my friends but not where they stepping on boundaries

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