My H is just so fucking miserable when we take our kids out

She’s stated that he’s like this at other activities (museum, park, walks). The shopping centre trip (that he decided to come on - nobody made him) was one example of many. He also doesn’t take them anywhere himself.

The fact that people, including you, have fixated on the shopping centre trip is what that poster is talking about.

Also am I picturing this correctly….

You get home, he buggers off while you unpack bags, change nappy, get activies out for kids, unstack dishwasher, put washing on, feed the dog, etc etc

Jesus @sofingmisreable the slack you’re getting for the shopping centre! I totally get this as a short activity to get out of the house!

All I can say is that when my kids were your age (same age gap) my DH totally participated in days out. In many ways he was better than I was because it was a bit more novel for him. However the most important thing for him was the kids enjoyment and enrichment. It’s about connecting, leaning and experiencing life. If he’s not seeing how important this is for your kids you need to have a serious conversation with him.

If he wants to do other activities with them I would suggest he arranges this and you’ll come along and he can be the leader.

Our DC liked eating out, so getting lunch at a shopping centre would have been a great day out for him!

Does he enjoy spending time with the kids at home?

Going out to a shopping centre is not a fun day out. Its a necessary activity - a chore. In and out quickly and then find something better to do.

The birthday however is another matter. Miserable sod.

My DH would take ours to places on his own to give me a break at the weekend. They loved trains, buses - anything transport related - so would spend time on the bus and going to train stations. Museums - we live next to 2 cities so had plenty of options.

Have you asked him to make suggestions on where to go out that he would enjoy?

It happens on every thread where the useless behaviour of a man is spelt out, there'll be many apologists running around the make excuses it's very bizarre. I think the same as you, mostly women who accept this behaviour from their partners and don't want to acknowledge it's crappy.

A selfish entitled arsehole because he doesn’t like shopping? 🤣 god forbid someone doesn’t like something in life, what an arsehole they must be……..out of interest what benefit does a shopping centre have for children? Must really educate their minds……..

I dunno I feel the wilfulness on this thread of so many posters to not understand what the op is saying indicates they are living with similar men and have their heads firmly in the sand.

It must be op’s fault for forcing him to go shopping (though she clearly states she didn’t), He must be undiagnosed ND or have extreme introversion or have untreated anxiety or untreated depression that op and the dc must tippy-toe around but he never seeks out or engages with help and support for. Maybe he never really wanted dc (though op says he begged for them), maybe, maybe, maybe. It can’t possibly be he is, like many men, like many fathers described on this thread, a selfish and entitled arsehole.

Seems to me some men like the abstract idea of having offspring, fruit of their loins and all that but don't like the hands on reality, especially when it gets in the way of their leisure pursuits. How much does he actually like being with them, entertaining them and interacting with them at home? It's limited when they're small and maybe he sees you do a better job of it but he should try.
Having said that some people (men and women) are better at playing, kids talk etc but others find it trying and it's a forced performance but hey, they're his kids, he wanted them and you're all a family so tough, step up!

Ask him how much he enjoys it on a scale of 1-10 🙄

A trip to the shopping centre is a day out for us too 😄 We have a nice meal, take the dc to the library (they love it) and yes, we do go shopping to buy stuff.

The shopping centre is not the issue. Its the vortex of neverending misery that is the DH, sucking the joy out of every experience. When you know everyone would have a better time when your partner isn't there, its time to have a 'Serious Talk'!

Crap I'd better let my husband know, as he's fine with doing all that (and i'm pretty sure he's not gay 😱) 🤣

@PurpleH

Is he an introvert? Could be he finds going out mentally draining.

I'm an introvert mum to 2 boys. But I force myself to do things, to get out there, to go to the places they like which are usually ram-packed with other people (farms, play-parks, swimming activities and the like) because I'm their mum, and I don't come first. Men do not get to hide behind the "i'm an introvert" diagnosis to cop out of stepping up as a responsible and engaged parent.

@mumedu
@battairzeedurgzome

Exactly and exactly.
That's why I never had children, couldn't cope with it.

Is he an introvert? Could be he finds going out mentally draining. I’ll grant you his way of expressing it is pretty crap and he needs to find better ways to express it but could be he struggles. Tell him if he doesn’t want to go out, to find something to entertain the kids indoors/garden then and leave him to it

I don’t know any blokes that will happily go along to a shopping centre for 1 hour never mind 2, the OP stated he decided to come along not that it was somewhere he wanted to go, who knows any bloke that actually enjoys going to a shopping centre fgs? A gay guy maybe who is into clothes shopping, personally I don’t even like clothes shopping and traipsing in and out of shops never mind men………even if I take my partner to ikea he tries to use every shortcut to get to the exact item we went there for in as shorter time as possible………shopping is not a man’s idea of a nice day out and it isn’t a day out for children either, walking in and out of shops has to be the most mind numbing activity known to man………

No, thank God my husband is the total opposite of this. Poor kids having to have their fun tarnished by such a miserable fucker who doesn't realise how lucky he is. I'd never be able to put up with this and I never would. Hope things improve. Maybe a new husband for the new year 🤔 🙂

No..it's already been stated. What's this obsession with gaming?

Oh OP, how do you tolerate this?
It sounds like you've done other things as a family, and your DH behaves the same way, even considering your DCs birthday party as a major pita.

Wow, hope you don't get ground down with this man's negative and childish behaviour, you sound like a lovely mum, getting pleasure from your DC's pleasure, while he sulks and steeps in negativity.

It's bound to have an effect on your DC too as they too suffer his sulks and realize he prefers not to do things with them.

I'm sure I've seen this before. He sounds absolutely awful!

If he doesn't want to come with you to these things then he shouldn't. In a shopping centre couldn't he find something he wanted to look at or do while you and the kids shopped elsewhere?

Or even just skulk off to a pub or cafe and then meet you at the end to help with the kids/carrying shopping?

There's nothing wrong with splitting off and going to different shops so nobody gets bored. Then maybe meet up for lunch or whatever.

I'd definitely not bother going out with him to places like that at all. I'm hoping he does get pleasure out of some aspects of marriage and family life?

Is he a gamer?

I have a friend whose husband is like this, always has been. He doesn’t like parenting, is only happy if he’s doing something for him or just him and my friend. Now the kids are older he will purposely cause arguments with them so he can tell them off and drag them home or argue with them and leave them out and head home alone.
My friend is preparing to leave him now.. wishing she did it years ago.

They discuss it first? They realise neither will be there for the baby so don't have kids. Or the kid grows up with two parents who arent great at that stage but step up later. All of these things already happen.

Personally, as a woman, I wouldn't allow myself to get pregnant if I felt that way, though and I know my mum doesn't. Short answer is to find a compatible co-pareny who complements your strengths and weaknesses.

Tell him if he doesn't change his ways, you'll be serving him with divorce papers and that'll give him something to sulk about.

And in answer to your question, it's not normal.

Miserable cunt.