My H is just so fucking miserable when we take our kids out

What a weird respons @MileyPsoriasis. It’s like you get offended by people not having the same opinion as you. On a chat forum.

Nowhere did it say OP was going there to get balloons for the party. She said this was a normal outing for them.

And your passive aggressive Have a nice Sunday to @EdithBond is just plain silly.

I really don't understand the issue with going to a mall for a few hours??
DH and I do this with DS3 sometimes on weekends when the weather is shite. There are cafes and restaurants that have a kid's menu or even kids eat free options, we let the toddler roam in the mall a bit, go to the pet shop to look at the fish and hamsters, run a brief errand or two and then maybe let DS choose a toy or puzzle in the charity shop. Honestly it works out so much cheaper than a Mumsnet approved trip to a museum or NT property or other middle class shite and is frannkly often less hectic too.
Oh and the weather is horrendous at the moment round where we are. Only so much time you can spend in a damp, freezing playground. I see the puddle suit mafia have already been on this thread already.
But all of this is besides the point. Your DH needs to a) communicate his preferences and limitations like and adult and b) stop acting like a sulky twat. Being on the receiving end of this behaviour is more damaging than he realises for your and the DCs.

He didn’t have to go shopping he chose to go and be an arse- arregghh! I need to stop reading this, the inability of people to at least read the op’s posts instead of going off on one about how real men hate shopping is insane. He chose to go.

Does he just hate malls? I hate malls especially on winter days in the weekend when they are busy. I get completely overwhelmed by all the chaos and just want to get out.

Kinda parties are a struggle too. Anything with loud chaotic noise. But then I'm neurodiverse so it's always going to be a struggle

It doesn't matter if he doesn't like shopping centres. We all have to do stuff we don't like but we should make the best of it and have a positive attitude, not poison the atmosphere with negativity. It flows into the kids, and flows into their kids..

Whereas mothers who work absolutely love doing this 🙄🙄

the bar for fathers is fucking subterranean

Or maybe after a week at work they don't want to be dragged to shopping centres with shrieking, running around, tantruming toddlers.

My STBXH was like this. He simply didn't value time spent as a family because he considered it a distraction from his interests. This extended across everything from outings to the park to family holidays. If he did come out with us he'd disappear into his office to play a video game or watch sport as soon as we got back. It wasn't a mental health condition in his case (although he is very likely undiagnosed ND). He is just a very, very selfish man who values his own interests over literally everything else.

Sorry, OP. I never found a solution because he left me. I can only say that he is a marginally better parent now that he only has to do it in 48-72 hour bursts EOW, and that it is a lot more fun for me to plan activities for the three of us without factoring in a sulking, petulant man child.

My husband was like this. He would walk on ahead not waiting for the toddler if they stopped to play or look at something.
When we got to the swings he wouldn't push them, said he was too cold and would go off home leaving me with ( at the time) 3 under 4 years olds.
He wouldn't push a pram,never changed a nappy ,never read them stories or helped them learn to swim or ride a bike.
Once they got to around 6 or 7 he was good with them and especially now that they're all grown up is okay .
When my kids were young I could never take them to cafes as it was extra work for me.

Some women just love to set a really really low bar for men and put all the blame on women. It’s pretty much internalised misogyny and a low self worth.

I wouldn’t even engage in discussing this absurd view point.

OPs husband is a grown man. He is not pulling his weight in this relationship. He is letting his kids and wife down. They should go to couples therapy or just be done with it. An absent father in a mutual home is worse than an absent father whom you never see.

Like I already said ask him to arrange a day out next weekend for them all as shopping centres bore everyone to tears and see what he comes up with, stating he would like to go to different places is not the same as outright asking him to arrange a day out……..maybe this lady takes control over all the situations and outings and that is his frustration, maybe he states that and then she plans something anyway, we do not know his point of view but outright asking him to plan and sitting back gives him the opportunity to take control of the situation and like others have said this may even be an ASD or ADHD issue that has never been addressed………

Leaving this here for you OP. This isn’t about the shopping. https://zawn.substack.com/p/ruining-every-vacation-with-a-bad-9ed

Take them places with a sulking grown man?

leave him at home, and if they do insist on coming tell them we are going to be at least 3 hours we will not be coming home and don't be miserable

go to the park on your own with the dc or go out for the day

but sow the seed now that the behaviour yesterday isn't going to keep happening - don't leave it until the next time your walking out the door

Mine was like this. I ended up going on holiday with them on my own because it was easier and more relaxed than having him trail round after us with a face like a slapped arse. It came to a head when he decided to go home after a day at Disneyland Paris because he didn’t like Disney or the hotel. The following years the DDs and I had lovely holidays in France, Belgium, Spain, Greece and Cornwall… After a couple of years, he was angling to come with us.

my exh was like this. i did everything with the kids, the blessing was that once we separated, it made no difference to the kids as he wasnt involved with them anyway and they very soon stopped seeing him and replying to his texts. but, apparently, its all my fault.

Maybe it’s also the choice of activity. Shopping mall with two young kids isn’t fun to me either. Maybe he can pick the activity next time?

The OP also wrote this
'We also go on walks etc with our kids. We have a massive garden too and take them to the playground and we also have all playground stuff in our garden and country walks on our doorstep !
He's still miserable then and wants to get home quickly'

Also said he would like to take them places then never does.
So what is the OP to do? Not take them anywhere? Take them places with a sulking grown man?

if he wants come

then have the conversation with him now, say hay yesterday wasn't fun for you as you wanted to go home at each turn. Next time I go to the shopping center it would be better if you stayed home, perhaps have one of the dc and do something with them.But I could see you clearly didn't enjoy yourself

then if he asks to come next time - remind him how miserable it made him and suggest you do something else as a family when you get home that he will enjoy

You see the poor husband has possible asd. Men hate shopping centres too so they dont have to go

His wife should really ask what he wants to do. Then he wont do it anyway cause you no reasons.

Yes I’ve read the post but this is one side of the story, the fact a shopping centre has been used as the example straight away screams bored to tears to me………maybe he doesn’t get chance to take them before a shopping centre or similar has been planned, maybe it stresses him out with them being so young at places like this……could be any number of reasons but the fact the example from yesterday was a shopping centre with two very young children already states to me their ideas of a day out are very different………and all that really needs stating to him is can he arrange a day out for them all next weekend because everyone is clearly sick of shopping centres, then see what he comes up with instead of berating him for a mundane task a lot of people find tedious……..

Point being,it doesn't matter whether you're male or female (and sterotypes) we all have do things we don't necessarily love doing, it's how he's going about it that's the issue.

The OP also wrote this

,We also go on walks etc with our kids. We have a massive garden too and take them to the playground and we also have all playground stuff in our garden and country walks on our doorstep !
He's still miserable then and wants to get home quickly'

Why should the OP do it all? The husband is a grown man presumably. Can he not make suggestions? Can he not slap a happy face on for a couple of hours? Instead of sulking at everything?

Depressing, isnt it?

Why are you fixating on the shopping centre?
Have you read the entirety first post?
The husband acts like this on any day out with the kids. The shopping centre was an EXAMPLE from yesterday.

Why doesnt the husband suggest something he likes to do instead? Instead of bringing everyone down with sulking?

I've balked at a lot of things I had to do with dc, but me and dh got on with it without being twats about it.