Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My H is just so fucking miserable when we take our kids out

481 replies

sofingmisreable · 26/01/2025 08:04

He always wants to come back home ' right away '.

He doesn't seem to get the same joy out of seeing them having fun.

Example yesterday we went to a shopping centre. The kids were hungry as soon as we got there so we went for lunch and then he wanted to come home straight after and had a face like a smacked arse on, the whole time we were there.

Kids are nearly 3 and 5. Yes the little one was a whingeing a bit but he actually sat through the meal really nicely and they both ate loads.

Then after, I wanted to pick up a couple of kids for the kids, get them some balloons, let them play on the little cars in the shopping centre, so they'd have a bit of fun and he was just so miserable and wanted to go home at every turn.

It's pretty much always like that. It doesn't matter what we do, he just wants to come home straight away.

Today is my DD Bday party and he was like ' great, another ball ache '.

I get we all have bad weeks but this is very persistent. I try and give him space at the weekend for his hobbies, in the hopes he'll be a bit more jolly when he's with us, but it doesn't work.

I know the kids are stressful and especially our little one, has tantrums etc but they're our kids and I love nothing more than to see them having a good time.

Does anyone else have a Husband like this ?

OP posts:
Nonaynevernomore · 26/01/2025 21:18

Ceecee2422 · 26/01/2025 21:12

Like I said you resort to insults………no one has insinuated she is wrong, I have stated we do not know his side of the story……….no one also asked your opinion but you are freely giving it………

Show quote history

Resort to insults….. whilst you call me “a typical catty woman” both insulting, misogynistic and disrespectful on a mainly female forum.

But of course that’s just fine?

No, we don’t know his side of the story, which will probably be the same as every other AIBU post, we only know one side.

So, why ever engage in any threads? If you’re not going to believe the poster?

Ceecee2422 · 26/01/2025 21:12

Nonaynevernomore · 26/01/2025 21:08

Oh dear!l

But….. no one asked your opinion on where OP should take her children on days out.

Your man child may not be able to cope with IKEA, because he wants to tame a hawk, but most adult men can deal with both.

As for catty, take a long hard look at how you’ve spoken to OP and insinuated she’s wrong because her miserable OH, can’t behave like an adult.

Oh bless him, he’s like your man child and doesn’t want to shop…..so you’ll stick up for him. Despite the either saying he’s always miserable on days out and OP stating they do varied activities.

Oh the poor menz and their nasty DWs dragging them round the shops. When they’re trying very hard to escape.

Show quote history

Like I said you resort to insults………no one has insinuated she is wrong, I have stated we do not know his side of the story……….no one also asked your opinion but you are freely giving it………

Nonaynevernomore · 26/01/2025 21:08

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Oh dear!l

But….. no one asked your opinion on where OP should take her children on days out.

Your man child may not be able to cope with IKEA, because he wants to tame a hawk, but most adult men can deal with both.

As for catty, take a long hard look at how you’ve spoken to OP and insinuated she’s wrong because her miserable OH, can’t behave like an adult.

Oh bless him, he’s like your man child and doesn’t want to shop…..so you’ll stick up for him. Despite the either saying he’s always miserable on days out and OP stating they do varied activities.

Oh the poor menz and their nasty DWs dragging them round the shops. When they’re trying very hard to escape.

Ceecee2422 · 26/01/2025 20:56

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Nonaynevernomore · 26/01/2025 20:51

Ceecee2422 · 26/01/2025 20:42

Sounds like you need reins………

Show quote history

Really, why do you say that?

You seem so over invested in this thread, and going off on a mad tangent! So odd really.

Ceecee2422 · 26/01/2025 20:42

Nonaynevernomore · 26/01/2025 17:25

But you still don’t recognise that your DH is infantile or that others will be different to you? No matter how many mountains you want to climb, it doesn’t mean others do.

Perhaps if you promised him a hotdog, he may try and behave when “you take him with you to Ikea”, I imagined he was on his reins, to allow you to take him pardon me for thinking you had a mother child relationship.

Show quote history

Sounds like you need reins………

Crikeyalmighty · 26/01/2025 19:35

wish people wouldn't always say things like zoo, swimming, beach, woods - there are often reasons people can't automatically do these things although may not be the case here - money comes into it sometimes and also transport, not everyone has a car or is remotely close to beach, woods etc - given the amount of parents I see in town with children at the weekend I have to presume many families think it's a perfectly acceptable few hours out - including plenty of cheerful engaged looking men -

Nonaynevernomore · 26/01/2025 19:09

Whydoeseveryonewanttoargue · 26/01/2025 18:16

Whoa hold on a minute. The OP said it was her idea. She said she really likes doing it. She wanted to go to the mall and lunch - do the few rides, gwt balloons, gwt ice cream.

Show quote history

And the OP also said he wanted to go.

Wehadfireinoureyes · 26/01/2025 18:45

Whydoeseveryonewanttoargue · 26/01/2025 18:23

This response did make me laugh.

You rarely see a response to a post that basically tells everyone who has offered advice on the thread wrong, waxed lyrical about her Disney life, agreed completely with the OP (against what most others are saying), tried to make us all feel bad if our husbands aren’t perfect (because hers is) and completely missed the point ‘spectacularly’ about the shopping mall.

Yeah a lot of husbands are great but they aren’t perfect at everything (don’t mean to burst your bubble now!. It’s just if they are perfect for you. That is the point.

Show quote history

Wow, you’re a pleasant person aren’t you?

I have absolutely no idea how you got from my post that I have told ‘everyone’ that they’re wrong, or ‘waxed lyrical about my Disney life’. I have done neither of those things, and tbh, if you knew what had happened in my so-called ‘Disney life’ in the last 6 months I really hope you’d be ashamed at making such a comment.

Also, if you bothered to actually read the thread, the vast majority of responses agree with me, so I certainly have not been telling ‘everyone’ that they’re wrong. You’ve actually stated in your comment that my post is ‘against what most others are saying’ which just proves that you absolutely haven’t read the thread, because I’d say the comments are about 80/20 agreeing with both the OP and myself. Unfortunately your reading comprehension skills have clearly been filed in the same place as your extrapolation skills, saying as you have apparently made an extreme judgement on me, my husband and my family based on the fact that my husband actually gives a shit about his pregnant wife and young daughter.

Disturbia81 · 26/01/2025 18:39

Joyfullife2 · 26/01/2025 18:30

Oh yes know what that's like. Mine decided we need to do more stuff as a family so off to swimming we go. Kids were excited as it's the first time we've been in ages as I can't take all three by myself. They were excited and doing usually kid playful stuff, not listening sometimes I suppose. But nothing that bad. I had 'this is why we never go swimming' 'I'm fucking done I don't care if I cause a scene'. Ignoring one child. 'I can't do this.' and it ended with 'I'm not doing this' as he storms back to the car.

Pathetic

Joyfullife2 · 26/01/2025 18:30

Oh yes know what that's like. Mine decided we need to do more stuff as a family so off to swimming we go. Kids were excited as it's the first time we've been in ages as I can't take all three by myself. They were excited and doing usually kid playful stuff, not listening sometimes I suppose. But nothing that bad. I had 'this is why we never go swimming' 'I'm fucking done I don't care if I cause a scene'. Ignoring one child. 'I can't do this.' and it ended with 'I'm not doing this' as he storms back to the car.

Whydoeseveryonewanttoargue · 26/01/2025 18:23

Wehadfireinoureyes · 26/01/2025 16:59

Why are so many people on this thread spectacularly missing the point? It’s not about the bloody shopping centre!

The OP has clearly stated that her DH is like this with EVERY activity they do, and has given other examples, such as playing in the garden, country walks, and his own child’s birthday party. And yet so many posters are falling over themselves to excuse him because ‘spending a weekend in a shopping centre is my idea of hell!’. Someone has literally just posted to say that the poor, poor man shouldn’t be forced to drag himself round a shopping centre at the weekend after going to work all week! But you know, all the women out there that also work…we should all just get on with it I suppose?

I could even understand all the ‘shopping centres are evil’ posts if the OP had only given that one example, but she hadn’t, she’s stated quite clearly that he’s always like this no matter what they do.

It’s quite bizarre that on so many threads here men can literally do no right, but this thread seems to have brought out the complete opposite side.

I am currently 9 weeks pregnant with my second and feeling like absolute shit. We have a 20 month old in the house and my DH has been absolutely incredible. He’s taken on the lion’s share of the childcare while also working full time, to give me as much time to rest as possible. He’s taken our DD out on walks, to softplay, and yes, to our local shopping centre! It’s on our doorstep, is all indoors, contains a softplay, arcade and toy shops, and our daughter really enjoys toddling around in there. We typically have at least 1 trip a week there, sometimes more, especially in the winter. We absolutely still take her to plenty of outdoor activities too, which she loves, but I’m the middle of January, having a shopping centre on the doorstep has been fantastic when we’ve been clawing the walls and wanting to get out for a couple of hours.

Reading threads like this just really opens my eyes to how grateful I am to have a DH who not only takes an active part in family life, but actually takes on more than his fair share when I’m struggling.

OP, please ignore all the people determined to paint you as the bad guy and your husband as the poor, long suffering man who shouldn’t have to interact with his family at the weekend, and certainly not at a, shock horror, shopping centre! You and your kids deserve so much better from him than a sulking manchild.

This response did make me laugh.

You rarely see a response to a post that basically tells everyone who has offered advice on the thread wrong, waxed lyrical about her Disney life, agreed completely with the OP (against what most others are saying), tried to make us all feel bad if our husbands aren’t perfect (because hers is) and completely missed the point ‘spectacularly’ about the shopping mall.

Yeah a lot of husbands are great but they aren’t perfect at everything (don’t mean to burst your bubble now!. It’s just if they are perfect for you. That is the point.

Whydoeseveryonewanttoargue · 26/01/2025 18:16

Theeyeballsinthesky · 26/01/2025 16:31

Whereas mothers who work absolutely love doing this 🙄🙄

the bar for fathers is fucking subterranean

Show quote history

Whoa hold on a minute. The OP said it was her idea. She said she really likes doing it. She wanted to go to the mall and lunch - do the few rides, gwt balloons, gwt ice cream.

fetchacloth · 26/01/2025 17:39

Sorry OP but it sounds like you have a third child in your house - your DH.
I really couldn't be doing with this.😒

Nonaynevernomore · 26/01/2025 17:29

Ceecee2422 · 26/01/2025 17:26

No you just clearly cannot stand anyone who has a different opinion than your own………

Show quote history

But the OP wasn’t asking was my day out acceptable.

You’ve just hijaked the thread to bleat on about what days out are acceptable to you! It’s not really relevant.

Nonaynevernomore · 26/01/2025 17:27

Whydoeseveryonewanttoargue · 26/01/2025 17:24

Maybe I have and maybe you shouldn’t respond in a passive aggressive way just because you don’t agree with me.

I read then and stand by my post.

Show quote history

But your response makes zero sense then! They do do other stuff, they don’t just do shopping. OP doesn’t therefore need your suggestions.

He also volunteered to go!

Ceecee2422 · 26/01/2025 17:26

CynicalSunni · 26/01/2025 17:01

This thread is just full of trolls wanting to stick the boot in the OP. The way they do that is pick one thing and run with it and ignore all else

Show quote history

No you just clearly cannot stand anyone who has a different opinion than your own………

Nonaynevernomore · 26/01/2025 17:25

Ceecee2422 · 26/01/2025 15:45

Firstly hotdogs aren’t his thing…….especially from ikea…….secondly I am not his mother……..thirdly we are not interested in shopping, niether me nor him…………taming a hawk maybe…….riding a horse………walking up a mountain……….shopping and hotdogs nope……..

Show quote history

But you still don’t recognise that your DH is infantile or that others will be different to you? No matter how many mountains you want to climb, it doesn’t mean others do.

Perhaps if you promised him a hotdog, he may try and behave when “you take him with you to Ikea”, I imagined he was on his reins, to allow you to take him pardon me for thinking you had a mother child relationship.

Whydoeseveryonewanttoargue · 26/01/2025 17:24

Nonaynevernomore · 26/01/2025 17:22

Maybe you could read OPs posts that would explain why all your suggestions are not going to happen.

Show quote history

Maybe I have and maybe you shouldn’t respond in a passive aggressive way just because you don’t agree with me.

I read then and stand by my post.

Nonaynevernomore · 26/01/2025 17:22

Whydoeseveryonewanttoargue · 26/01/2025 16:10

Maybe it’s also the choice of activity. Shopping mall with two young kids isn’t fun to me either. Maybe he can pick the activity next time?

Maybe you could read OPs posts that would explain why all your suggestions are not going to happen.

SwerveCity · 26/01/2025 17:21

I honestly couldn’t live with someone like that. He sounds like a constant drain. I would have told him to sod off home then and you’ll have more fun without the miserable prick.

RawBloomers · 26/01/2025 17:06

katepilar · 26/01/2025 16:59

Simply because ND people can find busy/noisy places or children needing attention overwhelming and can react by being moody.

Show quote history

It’s irrelevant though, because he isn’t doing anything about it - which is the point. ND or NT if he doesn’t like and cannot cope with what OP suggests they do he needs to find a way to engage in family life that he does like.can cope with. That’s his basic responsibility as a father and partner. Being ND may mean the way he does that is different to most people - but it’s still something he has to do. It’s not OP’s job to second guess it all and come up with the solution.

CynicalSunni · 26/01/2025 17:01

Wehadfireinoureyes · 26/01/2025 16:59

Why are so many people on this thread spectacularly missing the point? It’s not about the bloody shopping centre!

The OP has clearly stated that her DH is like this with EVERY activity they do, and has given other examples, such as playing in the garden, country walks, and his own child’s birthday party. And yet so many posters are falling over themselves to excuse him because ‘spending a weekend in a shopping centre is my idea of hell!’. Someone has literally just posted to say that the poor, poor man shouldn’t be forced to drag himself round a shopping centre at the weekend after going to work all week! But you know, all the women out there that also work…we should all just get on with it I suppose?

I could even understand all the ‘shopping centres are evil’ posts if the OP had only given that one example, but she hadn’t, she’s stated quite clearly that he’s always like this no matter what they do.

It’s quite bizarre that on so many threads here men can literally do no right, but this thread seems to have brought out the complete opposite side.

I am currently 9 weeks pregnant with my second and feeling like absolute shit. We have a 20 month old in the house and my DH has been absolutely incredible. He’s taken on the lion’s share of the childcare while also working full time, to give me as much time to rest as possible. He’s taken our DD out on walks, to softplay, and yes, to our local shopping centre! It’s on our doorstep, is all indoors, contains a softplay, arcade and toy shops, and our daughter really enjoys toddling around in there. We typically have at least 1 trip a week there, sometimes more, especially in the winter. We absolutely still take her to plenty of outdoor activities too, which she loves, but I’m the middle of January, having a shopping centre on the doorstep has been fantastic when we’ve been clawing the walls and wanting to get out for a couple of hours.

Reading threads like this just really opens my eyes to how grateful I am to have a DH who not only takes an active part in family life, but actually takes on more than his fair share when I’m struggling.

OP, please ignore all the people determined to paint you as the bad guy and your husband as the poor, long suffering man who shouldn’t have to interact with his family at the weekend, and certainly not at a, shock horror, shopping centre! You and your kids deserve so much better from him than a sulking manchild.

This thread is just full of trolls wanting to stick the boot in the OP. The way they do that is pick one thing and run with it and ignore all else

Wehadfireinoureyes · 26/01/2025 16:59

Why are so many people on this thread spectacularly missing the point? It’s not about the bloody shopping centre!

The OP has clearly stated that her DH is like this with EVERY activity they do, and has given other examples, such as playing in the garden, country walks, and his own child’s birthday party. And yet so many posters are falling over themselves to excuse him because ‘spending a weekend in a shopping centre is my idea of hell!’. Someone has literally just posted to say that the poor, poor man shouldn’t be forced to drag himself round a shopping centre at the weekend after going to work all week! But you know, all the women out there that also work…we should all just get on with it I suppose?

I could even understand all the ‘shopping centres are evil’ posts if the OP had only given that one example, but she hadn’t, she’s stated quite clearly that he’s always like this no matter what they do.

It’s quite bizarre that on so many threads here men can literally do no right, but this thread seems to have brought out the complete opposite side.

I am currently 9 weeks pregnant with my second and feeling like absolute shit. We have a 20 month old in the house and my DH has been absolutely incredible. He’s taken on the lion’s share of the childcare while also working full time, to give me as much time to rest as possible. He’s taken our DD out on walks, to softplay, and yes, to our local shopping centre! It’s on our doorstep, is all indoors, contains a softplay, arcade and toy shops, and our daughter really enjoys toddling around in there. We typically have at least 1 trip a week there, sometimes more, especially in the winter. We absolutely still take her to plenty of outdoor activities too, which she loves, but I’m the middle of January, having a shopping centre on the doorstep has been fantastic when we’ve been clawing the walls and wanting to get out for a couple of hours.

Reading threads like this just really opens my eyes to how grateful I am to have a DH who not only takes an active part in family life, but actually takes on more than his fair share when I’m struggling.

OP, please ignore all the people determined to paint you as the bad guy and your husband as the poor, long suffering man who shouldn’t have to interact with his family at the weekend, and certainly not at a, shock horror, shopping centre! You and your kids deserve so much better from him than a sulking manchild.

katepilar · 26/01/2025 16:59

Ilikeadrink14 · 26/01/2025 11:10

Why is it (not just with this response, but nearly all the time), people bring up ‘ND’? What a copout. These people need to grow up, accept responsibility and stop being pathetic wimps! And before people come down on me like a ton of bricks, I am not talking about actual recognised mental health issues here. I am referring to the occasions when people seem to invent mental health issues to avoid something. To my mind, ND is used as a very handy excuse a lot of the time!
I shall now wait for the shock horror abuse that will now be directed at me.

Show quote history

Simply because ND people can find busy/noisy places or children needing attention overwhelming and can react by being moody.