AIBU to have babysitting rules...

Having his GPs looking after him is going to stimulate him more than a ten minute TV programme, let's face it! It'll be something new. But of course the more often it happens the more normal it will become.

I'm just saying that if he is a bit full on at the end, don't go assuming they've packed him with chocolate buttons and say him in front of a whole Disney film! He'll just have had a different kind of afternoon, hopefully filled with warmth and love. And definitely don't use that excitement as reason to stop it happening again.

ETA that maybe a bit of gentle TV will calm him down!

You describe you son as very 'spirited'. So rather than play with him 5 hours straight, his grandparents might like to break up the time with 30 minutes of TV.
To say no to this would be selfish and controlling. And how exactly would it affect his sleep so badly?
Have they really specified that they want you to sort out all meals, or is this something you have taken upon yourself to control do?
Honestly, MN is a whole different world to me sometimes. You're choosing to create a problem out of something nice.

It’s completely fine if you’re offering to provide all food to ask them to stick to what you’ve given. ‘We don’t allow tv or sugary snacks yet here’s all the food and snacks he will need and I’ve left out a bunch of toys that he loves to play with. You could always take him to the park too.. there is a bag packed with snacks and water for that.’

if they do resort to screen time then next time they want to babysit cut it much shorter as you know they struggled to entertain him last time. Not respecting your wishes about food would be a deal breaker for me.

OR find a low stimulating show like twirly woos or the old Thomas the tank engine and say if you need a break this is his favourite. Works a treat.

Let them do what they want this once. Then see how he is, if you find him overstimulated ask if they mind taking him into the park or garden instead of the TV next time.

You might find if they're desperate to have him they won't use the TV much as toddlers can be very zombie like and boring if it's on.

With the food, I wouldn't make a battle out of it now. Better he has it but you know how much than they do it than in secret and pretend he's not had any. That way he can have an extra good brush and maybe limit anything else you give him if you think he's had too much sugar (I know you don't do sweets but I'm thinking raisins, baby oat bars that are full of dates - that sort of thing.)

I put yanbu because I don't think it's unreasonable to not want to make your lives more difficult by letting someone else have some 1:1 time.

I don't think this is unreasonable at all, whenever my mum has my son, I always tell her not to give him treats and she always sticks by it and is still happy to have him

Get them to brush his teeth. In hindsight it's easy to be precious about sugar when they're tiny, then the children's parties and sweets and bake sales at school start... One time won't make his teeth fall out.

I think it's fine to say 'please try not to' but not 'you must not' - you either trust them or you don't.

Oh yes. I'm not saying that sugar is good (though I allow my grandchildren a biscuit while I have my hot drink). Just correcting that particular posters point.

I don’t think it’s unreasonable to ask OP if sleep really a problem and your experience is that any amount of TV will cause him to be up all night. The reality is, as other PPs have suggested that 1/2 hour or so earlier on in the day is very unlikely to effect his sleep at all.

I think you could say “we don’t allow TV because it really affects his sleep, we’d like you to do the same but if you really need a break could you limit it to x amount before y time?” Are GPs mobile and could they take him out of weather appropriate? Then he could have a good run around and tire himself out for most of the day. I do think if you’re not used to it all day everyday trying to entertain a 2 year old can be a bit relentless.

Chocolate / Sugar - I wouldn’t get worked up out of principle about if it is a one off and they don’t spend much time together - obviously if they see them every week would need to lay down the law a bit. But if this is a situation where again you think a few sweets is going to send his behaviour mental and then you will have to deal with the consequences then it’s reasonable to explain that and you could have a pot of fruit for eg as a treat. Ultimately you know your child best and understandably have boundaries that apply in your home. Personally I would want to be a bit flexible when other people are looking after my child - you’ve said you think it’s important for them to have one on one time (agreed) and part of that in my opinion is allowing them to babysit as they wish. The only thing I disagree strongly with is that you said you wouldn’t set the rules if you’d asked (needed) the babysitting - if that’s the case then perhaps the potential consequences some tv / sugar isn’t a hill to die on for you

Yeah I doubt it's sugar that keeps him up. If anything, being with gp will tire him out and make him sleep better.

And these are in laws, yet you tidy and sort meals and would be the one up all night? Where's your dh in all this?

You don't need a spotless house. Get in a frozen pizza for lunch. Get dh to help at night.

You're thinking of this a bit short term. Build up from here and in a year or two your child can do overnights, eventually staying a few days which really helps in school holidays.

It's not just the immediate benefit for you having a rest, it's your child building relationships and confidence and learning other people have different rules. Obviously if gp are a nightmare it's not beneficial, but you do need to be a bit flexible.

I'd say 'can you avoid sugar and telly please' but really, 5 hours with a 2 yo might mean they're all happy for a break.

Just let them have a relaxing, enjoyable time with their grandchild. It's a one off so a few treats seem perfectly sensible. I think you are overthinking this. Being uptight and banning lots of things completely is not likely to help in the long run anyway.

I would just explain to them that watching tv overstimulates him, and ask them to bear that in mind/keep it to a minimum.

Regarding the snacks, if they're all there prepared and there's no junk available for them to give him, I can't see that being an issue. Presumably they know by now that you don't give him sweets etc?

Sugar does not keep children awake or make them hyperactive. There has been a lot of research on this and several double-blind, large scale, peer-reviewed studies have found no relationship whatsoever between sugar and poor sleep or hyperactivity. It's a myth.

www.babysleep.com/sleep-advice/is-it-true-that-sugar-can-make-children-more-active-and-keep-them-awake/

Then, just politely explain that you are trying minimal sugar and limiting tv to try and help his poor sleep. Tell them your health visitor suggests it or something. It's all about how you phrase it. At the end of the day, they can choose to indulge him and not tell you. There's nothing you can do about that I'm afraid. I hope they have a lovely afternoon together.

I voted that you’re being unreasonable just because it’s nice for children to get spoilt by grandparents every now and again. It’s a different relationship and can be a really important and valuable one for children. The GPs aren’t “doing you a favour” - they’re investing in your child and your child will benefit from that relationship. It’s not always indulgence either, I’ve seen my kids told off/managed by GPs in a different way and thought “oh that’s a good idea.” Just leave them to it. It’s hard when they’re little because you’re holding on to the routine as a way of coping with poor sleep/general demands of toddlerhood, but when I look back on my kids when they were little, a lot of those rules were for me rather than them and I’m sad about that.

5 hours with a 2 year old is a REALLY long time if you're not regularly looking after them already! I feel that you should have said no tbh, or at least given them the rules when saying yes

Have they explicitly said they will give them sugar? Surely as they’ve had their own children they’d realise this will keep them away & they wouldn’t want to do this straight before bed anyway?

think TV is fine - as a one off will do them zero harm.

I think this is a very reasonable thing to say to the GPs. I don't understand some of the harsh comments on here!

I'd explain about the tv, but also hide the remotes.

Oh come on...

It seems they want to get to know their grandson. Have you kept them at arms length until now? Have things like tv or sweet treats not come up before? What makes you think they will just feed him chocolate in front of the tv? Tbh it sounds like you don't want them to spend time together.

YANBU, particularly as this is what they’ve asked to do… although I don’t think you’d be overly unreasonable even if it was a favour. If they can’t cope for a few hours without the tv, it’s a sad job, and the food is all stuff you’re providing anyway, so where the issue?