AIBU to have babysitting rules...

It’s important for your children to have a relationship with the grandparents. That’s what this about. I am all for low sugar and low screen time but you sound like you’re taking it too far and are very uptight. Not fair on them, not all about you

I have done lots of childcare for all different families, and I follow their rules without question. It’s just what you do when someone is trusting you to look after the most important person in their world.

GPs should be doing the same—they should know the rules and stick to them because it’s important to you. My PiL have had to change almost everything about their parenting style since becoming GPs because SiL, DH, and I have different parenting philosophies than they did 20 years ago. They made such an effort to educate themselves on things like Montessori, gentle parenting, no tech, etc., so they could babysit and have the grandchildren overnight and they’re wonderful with them. Neither SiL or myself and DH would’ve said free childcare is worth letting the things we care about slide, you’re not unreasonable to ask your family to respect the way you parent.

Parenting these days is so OTT! As a mother of 5 and having known loads of people with babies and children over the years, it's just not true that sugar makes kids hyperactive. Some kids just are. I have two grandchildren, one is and always has been hyperactive regardless of diet and TV (she doesn't have the attention span to watch anyway!) The other is laid back, always been a good sleeper and has a far better attention span. Television is known to make adults fall asleep FGS. What a miserable life drinking water and never allowed sugar. I understand restricted screen time in regard to devices but TV is different. It can be relaxing. My grandkids still love coming here because they know they'll be spoilt, and that does include chocolate and pizza often. It's a break from normal life and normal rules. When they stay overnight the second one always falls asleep when I read to her, the eldest began sleeping better from the age of around three or four and has no sleep issues whatsoever even when sugar is involved!

It’s a rare occurrence let them spoil them with some sugar and tv!!

I just want to say that people who grow up with parents who raise them to ‘eat healthy’ with no sugar or lack of screen time etc - they almost always ‘rebel’. I know severely people who had strict rules growing up and when they became teens they done everything behind their parents back. Everything is fine in moderation, people just take it to the extremes and ban it entirely and it affects the children more negatively than positively

I wouldn’t lay down or law but maybe explain your reasons and ask they limit screen time and chocolate etc. if they are good GPs they will comply

The only’rule’ I ever had for my darling Mum was not to smoke when looking after the children,other than that I was just so happy to have free time knowing my children were spending time with Grandma and were safe,my children have really happy memories staying with her.
My daughter has certainly never set any rules whilst we look after grandchild…she trusts me !

Do you really need to prepare all the meals in advance? Just thinking of one thing that might make their childcare easier for you. You could leave suggestions for your DS if that would help. I also think it's fine to say what food and activities you discourage/encourage (eg if they're trying to get him down for a nap and you know TV makes that harder).

Crikey 😳😳😳😳😳

Have you any reason to believe they would be plying him with junk and letting him watch five hours of TV? Because if not, I don’t think I would be militant with ‘rules’. Sometimes it’s good to believe the best in people and assuming the worst could set this off on the wrong foot when really there is no need if they are ‘wonderful grandparents’.

I do however think it’s fine to take a gentler approach and say ‘we prefer he doesn’t watch too much TV as it tends to over excite him and affect his sleep, no more than 20 minutes if that’s ok’ and ‘it would be good if you could stick to the snacks we’ve left him, we’re trying to limit his sweets and stuff’. Of course if they have form for this then perhaps you do need to be stricter.

Depends on the child.

We were pretty chill with our first, but he was a fantastic sleeper. We were seriously uptight with our second as she was dreadful. Although her sleeping had regulated before she was two, so I sympathise with the OP sticking to whatever they know will make their lives less exhausting.

It’s one of those where the stricter your rules the less likely people are to offer to babysit for you again. There may come a time when you need them so I would just vaguely say not too much sugar as it makes them hyper active but leave it at that. I know people who have similar stringent rules for babysitters and wonder why none of their family want to babysit - it’s because it makes it hard work for them !

My GD only drinks water, apart from breast milk ever, she’s not one for sweet things, she would rather have some berries, if you eat out she won’t have anything off the children’s menu, she will have salmon if it’s on the adult menu, she eats jacket potato’s most days with tuna and sweetcorn, she loves a salad she’s 4 years old!!
Her teeth are absolutely horrendous for a child so young and her dentist can’t figure out why!!
Shes even had teeth removed already!
So having bad teeth is not always anything to do with eating chocolate or something else

I agree with this so much!! They make such a deal about 'treats' it puts them on a pedestal, before they did this my mittle one loved passion fruit or mango for a treat!

I completely agree with you. So many other people just stick the TV on for their kids daily which will be why they don't see the issue. It is so detrimental to their development.

I let my lo stay at grandparents for bonding time and they put the TV on despite our rule. What's the point in them going to spend time there just to sit infront of a tv?!

This!

I don't think you're being unreasonable. It's your child.

Gosh, what a dull parent you are.

Our GPs are far away but because IT IS A ONE OFF, of course they get to spoil their grandkids!!! That's the point of GPs.

For the benefit of your child having a great time with GP you can't face ONE day tired at work?

This is all about you, maybe think of your kid for once?

Agree

I don't really understand why the grandparents get to bring 'treats' of chocolate if the parents don't give it. They could bring fruit, or a book, or just themselves. Kids don't need treats, and it doesn't seem like a good dynamic to associate dgp with unhealthy treats.

When looking after anyone's dc I follow their rules.

I think you should let the grandparents work out their own ways to bond with him, provided they aren't doing anything dangerous. A bit of TV or sugar isn't going to do him any harm. If he's screaming all night due to watching a bit of TV before 5pm then there are some serious problems and it's something you should raise with your HV.

You can tell this is your first born.

I have a cousin ask me last minute to babysit her kid because she had an appointment. I was busy that day but rearranged my schedule to make it work because she needed help. She then proceeded to produce a long list of rules for her kid for me to follow. I reminded her rather forcefully that I was doing her a huge favor and I wouldn't put her kid in any danger, but she had to relax a bit. When she returned she was livid that I didn't follow her rules exactly. I vowed to never babysit for her again (and she has asked numerous times.) Don't burn bridges over small things OP.

I think if you go in with rules like no TV, no juice, no chocolate then you might be on here in a few years time asking why no-one will babysit.
I also don't know why you didn't tell them no chocolate then first time they brought some rather than letting them waste money. They are probably going to give him a packet of buttons but as a one off this won't hurt.
If TV disturbs his sleep that's fair enough to say so but are they the type to stick him Infront of the TV for five hours? Surely they'd want to play with him as they've asked to babysit.
And I wouldn't worry about cleaning the house. They probably won't even notice.

As a grandmother - no I don't think it is unreasonable at all to have some rules. My daughter had rules and I had my eldest grandson every Wednesday afternoon until he was three. However, also as a grandmother - I wouldn't have been able to manage with no telly at all. I took him to the play park when the weather was ok. I gave him lunch - she left it ready for him. We played together, but he didn't want to do that all the time and, quite frankly, I was just too tired to be able to play all the time! And too unfit - I couldn't sit on the floor, for instance. The television was a lifeline for me.

I always followed the rules about food and safety, but luckily there was no rule about television. She was sensible, she knew I knew she liked him to have interactive play and I did that as much as I could, but I couldn't do it all the time.

I suggest that you have rules about food and safety and you let her know about your preference regarding television and why, and you give some sensible suggestions about what they could do instead. Sensible as in taking into account what the grandparents can actually do, what they like to do etc. Maybe something out of the house?

I do NOT agree that it is the grandparents role to spoil the grandchildren. I have always tried to make sure that mine had some treats, but they were treats their parents approved of. That is part of the trust that a parent needs to have with the grandparents, in my opinion.

As a parent who gets absolutely zero help, can I borrow this set of GPs?

As per usual, the hyperbole comes out with these threads - 5 hours of TV, pumped full of sugar etc. I don't think that is what we're looking at here.

I think you would be very reasonable to discuss with them what you would like to see. Be reasonable and explain why, it will help them understand and appreciate why you want that, not just, well "its my child". You bring your child up how you see fit (a mantra that has its limits) but I think you'd be foolish to risk souring a relationship that provides you with a degree of respite that many would be grateful for, over 15 minutes of Bluey and a biscuit.

I think TV and sugar to a minimum is more reasonable, especially for older people that might not have your stamina.