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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to have babysitting rules...

185 replies

finalstrawb · 26/01/2025 07:25

... if I didn't ask for the babysitting?

We have very little support from family due to geography, but we make it work and never ask for help. MIL and FIL have asked to babysit as they love our DS - lovely for all of us, DS aged 2 gets time with GP, we get a few hours to ourselves. Babysitting between 12-5. WIBU to ask them to do no television. We severely limit screen time as DS is a bad sleeper and we find it helps. Also no sugar etc but we leave meals and snacks prepared.

If I requested childcare I wouldn't set rules but in this case AIBU? He has lots of toys and healthy snacks, they don't have to do anything except play with him (DS very spirited!)

OP posts:
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AubernFable · 03/02/2025 14:03

Mamabear487 · 02/02/2025 22:07

Why deny a child a bit of fun for a couple hours. Doesn’t make sense. They will just crave it more when they are older if they are denied it now

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In my household toddlers have lots of fun, there’s about a hundred activities like an art space, dressing up station, tonnes of books, themed toys on rotation and boxes with specific activities like lace up pictures or hama beads- none of it involves parking them in front of the TV. It’s not denying children fun, it’s just intentional parenting, which is a good thing IME.

Funkyslippers · 03/02/2025 07:52

Mamabear487 · 02/02/2025 22:07

Why deny a child a bit of fun for a couple hours. Doesn’t make sense. They will just crave it more when they are older if they are denied it now

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At the age of 2?!

Mamabear487 · 02/02/2025 22:07

Funkyslippers · 30/01/2025 20:47

Yes, and from the sounds of it, it literally will be spoiling him. Why not just spend quality time with him without having to resort to TV & sugar?

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Why deny a child a bit of fun for a couple hours. Doesn’t make sense. They will just crave it more when they are older if they are denied it now

Funkyslippers · 31/01/2025 09:03

saraclara · 30/01/2025 20:45

On the assumption that you're not yet a grandparent, I suggest that you come back when you're nearly 70 and wrangling a four year old and a two year old on your own, and let me know if you resisted putting Cbeebies on for ten minutes.

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They're not on their own. There's 2 of them. There are plenty of things to do rather than TV. Going for a walk etc. Jeez, I had 2 under 3 at one point and I was an older mum and I had them all day every day!

Funkyslippers · 31/01/2025 08:58

Whalesong · 31/01/2025 05:53

Sorry, but if I was the grandparent (not yet the case for a good few years, hopefully), babysitting from 12-5 with a total TV ban, with a "spirited" child who clearly enjoys TV would be a no. Asking GPs to spend 5 hours playing with him with no break seems like a lot, whether or not you've asked them for childcare.

You don't have to spend every minute playing with them. At 2, he should be able to play by himself for some of the time. Plus there's 2 GPs so each can take a break every now & then

AlmosttimeforChristmas · 31/01/2025 07:15

I find it so weird that mumsbet tells people they can’t ask unpaid babysitters to do/not do certain things with your child. So weird. Any family members who kindly looked after my child knew not to feed them crap and it was never a problem. Once they were older (ie not 2!) I relaxed things a bit and said one sweet thing per visit was fine. It’s your child! And the TV thing, again fine to say no TV. My 2 year olds didn’t have TV either. Just no need to have TV in a 3.5 hour visit.

SharpOpalNewt · 31/01/2025 06:14

My only rule with GPs was to try and get her to have an afternoon nap. As they were handing back to me an overtired, overstimulated toddler who was then a nightmare when we got back from work.

crockofshite · 31/01/2025 06:07

finalstrawb · 26/01/2025 08:57

I would never hide the remote FGS

Actually I thought that was a good Idea.

crockofshite · 31/01/2025 06:02

Yes. I'm going against the grain here but yes, I would let them know your preferences - and why.

If they don't listen to you telling them how various bad habits affect your child, and by extension, you, this will be the first and only occasion they babysit.

But I would word it so they aren't 'rules' but based on how things affect his health.

Whalesong · 31/01/2025 05:53

Sorry, but if I was the grandparent (not yet the case for a good few years, hopefully), babysitting from 12-5 with a total TV ban, with a "spirited" child who clearly enjoys TV would be a no. Asking GPs to spend 5 hours playing with him with no break seems like a lot, whether or not you've asked them for childcare.

DangerousAlchemy · 31/01/2025 05:41

Yellow889 · 26/01/2025 17:18

No long term damage but if it causes him to have a shit night sleep, that's pretty awful for both the baby and the parents. I can't imagine my own parents wanting to do that to me. You'd have to be pretty selfish to think it's ok.

And most parents I know are indeed quite strict on TV and sugar for toddlers nowadays.

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2 years old is definitely not a baby

Tourmalines · 30/01/2025 20:49

MrsSlocombesCat · 30/01/2025 13:05

Parenting these days is so OTT! As a mother of 5 and having known loads of people with babies and children over the years, it's just not true that sugar makes kids hyperactive. Some kids just are. I have two grandchildren, one is and always has been hyperactive regardless of diet and TV (she doesn't have the attention span to watch anyway!) The other is laid back, always been a good sleeper and has a far better attention span. Television is known to make adults fall asleep FGS. What a miserable life drinking water and never allowed sugar. I understand restricted screen time in regard to devices but TV is different. It can be relaxing. My grandkids still love coming here because they know they'll be spoilt, and that does include chocolate and pizza often. It's a break from normal life and normal rules. When they stay overnight the second one always falls asleep when I read to her, the eldest began sleeping better from the age of around three or four and has no sleep issues whatsoever even when sugar is involved!

exactly this .

Funkyslippers · 30/01/2025 20:47

Mamabear487 · 30/01/2025 12:22

It’s a rare occurrence let them spoil them with some sugar and tv!!

Yes, and from the sounds of it, it literally will be spoiling him. Why not just spend quality time with him without having to resort to TV & sugar?

saraclara · 30/01/2025 20:45

Funkyslippers · 30/01/2025 20:42

Yanbu. You don't need to call them 'rules', they're just something you'd rather he didn't have. If I was the gp I could survive for 5 hours without resorting to the TV or sugar

On the assumption that you're not yet a grandparent, I suggest that you come back when you're nearly 70 and wrangling a four year old and a two year old on your own, and let me know if you resisted putting Cbeebies on for ten minutes.

Funkyslippers · 30/01/2025 20:42

Yanbu. You don't need to call them 'rules', they're just something you'd rather he didn't have. If I was the gp I could survive for 5 hours without resorting to the TV or sugar

saraclara · 30/01/2025 20:28

Burntt · 30/01/2025 16:39

I don't think it's unreasonable to have rules in this situation. Different if they are doing you a favour but this is you doing them the favour.

Also quality time building a bond would be best without the tv surely?

A ten minute episode of Duggee while I make a hot drink and tune out briefly does not weaken any bonds, FFS. In fact that break gives me more energy for doing the fun stuff afterwards.

Undethetree · 30/01/2025 20:27

It's nice that they want a relationship with him and that you want to facilitate it. Was it not possible to do it on a day when you are not working in the morning?

Maybe you could request no TV / sugar etc and explain why but also give an idea of how they could treat him so that they feel like they are doing something special? Eg, "DS LOVES going to XYZ petting farm/trampolining park, it would be such a treat for him if you took him there".

Macaroni46 · 30/01/2025 20:16

thecherryfox · 30/01/2025 12:22

I just want to say that people who grow up with parents who raise them to ‘eat healthy’ with no sugar or lack of screen time etc - they almost always ‘rebel’. I know severely people who had strict rules growing up and when they became teens they done everything behind their parents back. Everything is fine in moderation, people just take it to the extremes and ban it entirely and it affects the children more negatively than positively

You are so right! Seen this so many times and include myself in that. My mum was overly strict and tried to control everything. From about age 8 I began buying sweets in secret and from age 14 completely rebelled. Lost all respect for her because her rules were too strict, there was no flexibility and they were arbitrary.

Burntt · 30/01/2025 16:39

I don't think it's unreasonable to have rules in this situation. Different if they are doing you a favour but this is you doing them the favour.

Also quality time building a bond would be best without the tv surely?

Thirstysue · 30/01/2025 15:28

You sound fun

Flipflop223 · 30/01/2025 15:04

ProustianMadeleine · 26/01/2025 07:53

Also why did you post if you're just going to disagree with everyone who doesn't agree with you and be snotty.
Have a day off.

Urgh it kills me when people do this. She’s upright and nutty so will never accept what anyone else thinks. Why, then, post to garner views?!

Flipflop223 · 30/01/2025 14:59

finalstrawb · 26/01/2025 07:40

I take your point however I am doing this for their benefit, I have to arrange 3 meals (DS lunch and tea, their lunch), clean the house, arrange all spare clothing... I don't want then to be kept up all night with a screaming overstimulated toddler when I have work in the morning. I haven't asked for this. It's nice but it's not a favour- I said yes because I recognise its important for DS to bond with GP. I don't think no tv and no juice and chocolate is unreasonable for a 2 yo for a 5 hour period? Different if they were 5 maybe but he's 2!

You need to chill out. This is controlling behaviour. You don’t need to control every aspect of your child’s life. Particularly with their grandparents. You need to look at this though someone else’s eyes. Understanding other people’s perspective. I think you’re struggling with that. Your child will have a great day. There might be reasons for being a poor sleeper. Like neurodivergence possibly. Or anxiety from overbearing parent. Just leave them be.

CannotWaitForSummervibes · 30/01/2025 14:52

You can just say no. There is no need for children to have alone time with grandparents and by the sounds of it it’s a lot of extra work for you and it’s making you worried. Just get them to spend time with the grandkids with you present (either at your place or theirs or somewhere else)

Flipflop223 · 30/01/2025 14:40

finalstrawb · 26/01/2025 07:40

I take your point however I am doing this for their benefit, I have to arrange 3 meals (DS lunch and tea, their lunch), clean the house, arrange all spare clothing... I don't want then to be kept up all night with a screaming overstimulated toddler when I have work in the morning. I haven't asked for this. It's nice but it's not a favour- I said yes because I recognise its important for DS to bond with GP. I don't think no tv and no juice and chocolate is unreasonable for a 2 yo for a 5 hour period? Different if they were 5 maybe but he's 2!

It’s not about you. Do you see that?

Flipflop223 · 30/01/2025 14:39

thecherryfox · 30/01/2025 12:22

I just want to say that people who grow up with parents who raise them to ‘eat healthy’ with no sugar or lack of screen time etc - they almost always ‘rebel’. I know severely people who had strict rules growing up and when they became teens they done everything behind their parents back. Everything is fine in moderation, people just take it to the extremes and ban it entirely and it affects the children more negatively than positively

Yeup!! Me. Ended up with a lifelong eating disorder.