WWYD: DD drunk seperated from friends in city centre

Far too much pandering going on....leave your adult DC to get on with life on their own.

My eldest at 17 can cope with catching a plane on his own, catching a bus, a tram or a train independently. It's worrying how many parents keep hand holding their DC through everything. Let your DC work it out themselves. Yes, they make mistakes possibly along the way and they will learn from them.

DS 17 got drunk in the US last year but I wasn't catching a plane to check on him. We phoned to make sure he was fine, which he was.

Let go OP. At 21 she is an adult!

I take at least one wrong turning every time I visit a strange city, and I've rarely had anything to drink. Chill out!

Oh wow! There is quite a lot of micro managing going on here. I have a 19 yo and a 21yo, I haven't tracked them since their early days at secondary school when they started walking to and from school on their own. I have absolutely no business knowing every step they take nor do I want to. You need to give her some proper independence and not panic and call he friends because she made the wrong turn coming out of the toilets. This will just make her and anxious and dependent adult.

I agree. How are young adults ever going to learn how to be independent and develop resourcefulness when their parents can track their every move and they can summon their help at the slightest difficulty?

It's no wonder that so many young people suffer with anxiety.

Your 21yo daughter lost her friends for a few minutes on the way back from the loo on a night out.

And your reaction is “I should book a hotel down the road to be there for her”?!?

Do you have any faith in your daughter to cope with life on her own?

This. Let her be an adult and make mistakes. She's never going to learn or be independent if mummy is always on hand to clear up the mess.

At 21 I was married with a 2 year old, and a lot of young women have left home, gone to university or whatever. Nobody wants to think of their children being in danger but she is an adult and needs to be treated as one.

Good grief when does it end?! We are parenting at your level with our just 16 year old who is a party girl. Our 18 year old is on her own.

At 21 my friend and I spent the university summer holiday barrelling round Mexico on public transport we got into all sorts of scrapes our parents oblivious.

It's difficult when she's not behaving like one. But I agree, you do sound over involved

Because she went the wrong way when she left the toilets?
Or because she's gone away for the night with her friends and they are drinking alcohol?

I've considered booking a night in a hotel near where my son is staying overnight in an unknown place with a new group of friends in case I'm needed.

He's 6, with additional needs and it's his first Beavers "camp".

OP your daughter is an adult. Unless there's a major drip feed coming, you cannot babysit her. What you can do, is talk to her about this experience, about how she can keep herself safe if she gets lost/separated again but you certainly can't chaperone her...

It's hard to let go.however she's an adult. If she was at uni what could you do.shes with her friends, I have had nights worrying, but that's being a parent! You need to unclech and relax .no need to book a hotel ffs

Why don't you put her on reins

I find it way over odd. There's being protective and there's being way over protective, she's an adult let her do what she wants

It's difficult when she's not behaving like one. But I agree, you do sound over involved

Has anyone heard from OP or shall someone track her whereabouts and book a room nearby

It's weird that you are tracking a 21-year-old on your phone and even more weird that she is OK with that.

I can absolutely understand your concern.
I am just home from my near 18 year old.
She went out with 5 friends several of whom I was supposed to bring home.
They did shots and ended up being collected by parents.
My daughter spent the evening with other good friends.
But I am extremely concerned on her behalf as this is not the first time this has happened. She thinks she is going to a festival 3 hours away with them this summer but after this its not happening.
They swig back vodka like its water and are surprised when they are shit faced after it.
I am going to have to have a very frank conversation with her tomorrow because I don't trust them to mind each other when out. They are so vulnerable when out drinking with the amount of predatory men just waiting to pounce on a unsuspecting woman.

I hope you hear she is safe with her friends.

I agree it's an overreaction, checking in, 360, helicopter anxiety. No thanks.

I get very anxious about my young adults.

I've been honest with them and told them how I worry unnecessarily. Therefore, I told them to take me off "findmyiphone" so I can't track them, but leave my husband on there in case of emergency. He won't look unless necessary!

next time she is home for a visit, I would have a conversation with her and hope she has figured out how to moderate her drinking so she doesn’t get so drunk that she can’t take care of herself. It’s easy to make mistakes when first learning to drink.

If she thinks getting that drunk was fine, then I would go into mom mode and give her a bit of a lecture on not over-indulging.

@FallOfTheHouseOfUtterlyButterly not suffering trauma. I have no idea if dd is in or out tonight. Will go to bed not worrying in the slightest. OP was worried about her child because she had been separated from friends and drinking. OK I wouldn't have headed to the town myself but would have been on alert because I'm a parent. If you add up my 4 children's ages I've had 109 year of being a mum. I do know what I'm on about.

Calling something an opinion isn’t a get out clause for being unfair to others - as you have been to the DD.

I’ve simply been pointing out that your premise is not based on anything OP has actually said and your reasoning, even if you were correct about the premise, is invalid.

And you still haven’t said WHY you made up this new possible flaw in DD’s character.

I said it's possible she has.

I certainly didn't write it to you to be interrogated like you're a lawyer.

We are all allowed opinions however hard you find that.

So what was the purpose of your new conjecture that “dd has form for telling her she's in trouble then disappearing”?

It was in direct response to my pointing out why the DD wasn’t equally likely to be the drama lama.